Wise Guys: Do Most Straight Guys Secretly Love Bum Play?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most straight guys secretly want to have their bums explored by their girlfriends/wives? Like, even if they don’t admit it, and they’d never ask…deep down, are they curious?

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): When they’re together, straight guys tend to avoid anything that could sound even remotely homosexual. Not even a metro guy will tell his buddies how much he enjoyed the ass-play he got last night. This makes it hard to gauge how many butt-buffs there really are out there, but for me I can easily say no. No curiosity, no secret enjoyment. I’m probably in the minority here, but to me it’s sort of like a stray finger up the nose while making out: not terrible, but not particularly exciting either — just off-target.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie):
I really think this has to do with the guy’s own level of homophobia.  If the guy is open-minded and comfortable in his masculinity, then it’s just something else to try in the bedroom.  However, I personally know a few guys who are otherwise pretty sexually adventurous, but who feel that any attempted ass play from their partners is a deal-breaker.  Of course, these are the same guys who still think it’s funny to make “fag” jokes about each other in public.  I think, for guys like this, asking for some anal attention would be too big of a threat to their warped sense of masculinity.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Let’s face it: The prostate is the prostate.  Your nerve endings don’t care whether you like to have sex with boys or girls; when something feels good, it feels good.  It’s possible that even ten years ago I would have answered differently, but twenty-first century porn has changed my mind: Sites like Seancody.com and BrokeStraightBoys.com, where supposedly straight men have sex with other men, are wildly successful. And I do think that at least some of these porn actors are straight, or at least straighter than they are gay. So this makes me think that there has to be something intriguing enough to them about the idea to overcome what’s left of the taboo. And this is with other men! So if very experimental straight men are willing to let other men explore their bums, then yes, I suspect that your average straight man is definitely interested in having his female partner explore his bum — even if he won’t admit it.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. I’m married, straight, and really like it! If it’s not for you, then it’s not for you. No need to rain on anybody else’s parade. I was first introduced to anal play by a girl I was dating in my twenties. When I told her I thought it was gay she said “Sexual attraction to a man makes you gay. Your girlfriend’s fingers in that cute ass of yours does not.” The rest was history. As far as anyone else’s opinion goes… It’s my booty, and my business. Men who might enjoy having the ol’ prostate tickled aren’t hurting you. If it’s not your thing, don’t worry about it.

  2. I have a new girlfriend who fancies herself an expert in prostate massage. I was skeptical, but wow did she prove herself right! it’s actually sorta dignified too the way she does it. I get it laying on my back, not on my hands and knees with my butt up like a bitch ready to take it, lol. Since she’s not a dude, and doesn’t even look or act like one, I don’t see what she’s doing to me as being “gay.”

  3. I like because it feels good and thats the only reason ive wwondered if it makes me gay but hell no im not gay I just just like anal play its awesome

  4. My boyfriend has recently discovered he likes me lubing him up and fingering his anus, rimming him, and pleasuring him with sex toys. I think it’s amazing and I really enjoy doing it to him, and knowing that he has been so open about it is great. The only thing ruining it a little is that he feels it’s wrong because of so many people making comments about it being wrong and that enjoying it must mean you’re gay. That is utter rubbish, and completely ignorant of some people. I have found in the past that most of the men who think it’s wrong and gay are most commonly the ones that actually enjoy it and only deny it because everyone else does. It doesn’t make you less of a man for doing it, all it proves it that you’re close enough with your partner to be that open and comfortable to explore new things with them. I have reassured my boyfriend and we will be continuing to do this.

  5. No, they are not straight. Simple as that. You can make up all the bullshit you want. No truly straight man would put anything up his ass. If they claim they are straight, they are delusional, in the closet, or in denial about their true orientation. It is as simple as that. Perplex the idea all you want, NO, straight men do not anal play, PERIOD.

  6. Clinical and sanitary issues…
    What happens to the vagina and what happens to the rectum should be exclusive of each other for sanitary reasons. If you both enjoy anal play you should even have separate toys. As for the woman who was uncomfortable with morning buttplay, that is very understandable, but a quick enema can take care of that. The first mistake people make is putting too much water in and disturbing fecal matter that is much farther from the rectum than play will ever happen, so go lightly, and just cleanse a few more times after matter stops coming out.

    With that out of the way the major factors are to be openminded, relax, use lots of lube, and go slowly at first.

    I don’t know if its true, but it seems to be in my case, there are as many nerve endings in the rectum as there are in the head of the penis, so that means there is lots of pleasure to be had, if you relax!

    The first time isn’t always heaven, but give it four or five times before you dismiss it, it seems to get better every time!

  7. Im a happily married guy and love my ass played with. It feels so good and my wife is very willing to finger me whilst masterbating.She sometimes rims me which is just fantastic.

  8. This is to all you men who are straight and feel funny about anal play…Don’t. Everyone has needs and if you have a close and loving relationship with your lover/wife.. Then there should be no boundaries. That’s the beauty of sensual love. I’m 48 year old woman who has the most amazing lover. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to him or for him. It is highly important though to practice cleanliness. Never ever go from bum to vagina without washing with soap and water.

  9. My girlfriend, who is a lot younger than I am started playing with my butt and over time became a bit more bold. She got my crazy hot and then without even asking licked her finger and stuck it right in and banged my prostrate til I came.

    I had no idea that I was ready for that kind of sexual activity. She isn’t into anal sex herself and we have a deal. If she can stick a dildo up in my butt that is the same size as my cock then I can have her ass.

    She’s uncomfortable sometimes during regular intercourse so I’m hesitant to follow through. And that does sound too gay for me to let her do that.

  10. My husband has recently been licking his fingers and stimulating his anus while having sex and it is probably going to end our relationship. It’s not that I care about what turns people on its that it feels so unsanitary to me. Not to mention I’ve had several yeast infections and a stomach bug since he started it. I no longer can even get excited we he starts to touch me (he used to ALWAYS start at my breasts) most always on my ass. He prefers sex from behind but if I am on top he tries to stimulate me and I just get disgusted, especially since it’s usually in the morning which is when I go #2. I can’t take it. We have 5 children and we used to have a great sex life, but I work with children and hygiene is so important to me. I know it’s my hang-up but I just can not deal.

  11. If you are married and your husband likes doing sexual things you can’t deal with, then it’s going to be hard to work through that if you aren’t flexible.

  12. I’m a straight men but I’ve always been interested to fine out how a prostate orgasm feels. I’ve never said it to anyone else though and I’ve never actually reached it because I always end up grabbing myself end masturbating the old fashioned way, but something up there can make a bit of a difference.

  13. My wife and I have been married over 30 years. I introduced her to having anal sex. We don’t do it all the time, but once in a while. She has toys and has used toys stimulate my anus, and is willing to finger me during sex. I have discovered that I thoroughly enjoy the action of being fingered or having her use a toy up my bum. Great read by the others who submitted comments.

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