All posts by Em & Lo

Found: Funny Bathroom Placard
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soho_house_warningYou don’t become rich writing about sex, but you do occasionally get taken out to fancy lunches at posh spots by editors and publishers with nice expense accounts. So we were lucky enough to find ourselves at the rooftop pool of the Soho House, that private club in NYC (the one Samantha sneaks into in an episode of “Sex in the City”), this past Tuesday for a lovely outdoor lunch meeting. Afterwards, we went to the restroom and were delighted to find this simple stainless steel sign hanging on the back of each of the stall’s doors. Now that’s class.

The Museum of Broken Relationships
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museum_of_broken_relationships_teddy_bearYou know that soft, worn, concert t-shirt you’ve been holding on to that was left behind by that asshole who broke your heart with a meat cleaver? Well, now you have a chance to get rid of it once and for all, to make a clean break — and the best thing about it is that it will be in the name of art! The Museum of Broken Relationships collects the leftovers of relationships gone wrong, items loaded with the memories and significance and sadness of their previous (anonymous) owners: fuzzy handcuffs…a wedding dress…an, um, axe. Founded in Croatia and currently touring the world, the Museum is scheduled to return to North America in the summer of 2010 (potential stops include St. Louis, MI, Providence, RI, and Toronto, Canada). That gives you a year to wean yourself off that T for good, since the collection picks up new items wherever it goes.

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Do You Get Busy on the Beach?
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Dear Em & Lo: Should I Cheat on My Husband Who’s Abroad?
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Dear Em & Lo,

I read your articles, and you give great advice to other readers, so maybe you can help me! My husband lives in another country; he’s in the process of coming over here, but we aren’t even sure when! We have been apart for a year already, and we’ve been married for 3 years. The thing is, there’s this other guy. I do not want a relationship with him or anything, more like a one-night stand. Or a friends+benefits type thing? Is this wrong of me? I have been good for the past 3 years but I can’t take it anymore. How would I even ask a guy for a one-night stand? If my husband doesn’t know, it doesn’t hurt him, right? Plus, we don’t have any kids together. I really need your help.

— Married Without a Man

Dear MWAM,

Wait, we’re confused: you say you read our advice columns, and yet you’re asking us if you should secretly cheat on your husband?  If you read this site, then you should already know our answer to this question: NOFUCKINGWAY!

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Dream Interpretation: I Have Sex with Everyone!
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women_kissingphoto by The_Iglesia

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I am in a relationship. It has its ups/downs but I love him. Yet I have recurring dreams about having sex with other men. Actually, I’ve even had many dreams about having sex with women. Recently I dreamed I had threeway sex with my boyfriend and another man. What could this mean?

Lauri: Usually I need a few more details so that I can give you more insight into what you may be telling yourself through the dream. For example, the actions leading up to the sex, whether these other men are actual people you know, the setting of the dream, etc. But I believe the way you opened your message says enough. It seems that, even though you do indeed love your boyfriend, there is something missing in the relationship as far as you are concerned. Keep in mind, sex in dreams is rarely about physical sex you desire but more about filling a void in your own life or in your own personality. (more…)

Confession: I Don’t Do Handjobs
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handjobphoto by permanently scatterbrained

Our contributor Abby Spector, who is double-majoring in English and Feminine/Gender/Sexuality Studies at Wesleyan University, has a confession to make:

I consider myself a sexual adventurer. As a bisexual who has posed naked for photographers, enjoys threesomes, and has a collection of vibrators, I think I deserve the label. However, there is one sexual act I refuse to partake in: handjobs.

For years I struggled trying to perfect my phallus-massaging abilities. Touching peen is only the first foot on third base (with oral being a whole body slide). We are taught that we have to run the diamond in base order. No skipping allowed. Five bruised penises later, I have learned how to stand up for myself. I look men in all three of their eyes and tell them the truth. “I, Abby Spector, will never give you a handjob.” (more…)

Wise Guys: Who Should Pay on a First Date?
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money_mealphoto by emdot

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Who should pay on a first date?

Gay Committed Guy (Terence): A general rule that you can’t go wrong with: whoever asked their date out should pay. Real simple, eh? Now if you want  to be real smooth, then if A asked B out, then A should pay for the dinner, movie, show, ski trip, whatever, but B should offer up a scoop of gelato after the dinner, popcorn at the movies, or hot chocolate on the slopes. That’s what gets you both to the second date.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): I know feminists get all hot and bothered over this one, but I always liked to pay on the first date. It’s not like I expected anything in return or made any kind of big deal about it, but I just think it’s a nice thing to do. I usually asked the girl out on the date in the first place, so I felt like I should pay. If a girl insisted on paying half, I’d say, hey, you can buy me a drink later on. I think it’s okay to believe that women are 100% equal and still enjoy holding the door open for a woman, pulling out her chair, and paying for a first-date dinner. (more…)

Naked News (08-25-09)
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broken_heartphoto by CarbonNYC

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Your Call: Should You Make a Move on Your Roommate, Who’s Also Your Best Friend’s Sister?
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photo by adactio

Dear Em & Lo,

My issue is that I fantasize about sleeping with my best friend’s sister — I have for several years now. I feel I’m a little obsessed about her. She has a boyfriend. The worst part: we share a flat together. Fortunately, she’s out a lot, and when she is around I do try to avoid her. Do you think my desires toward her are unhealthy? Are they just a result of proximity? I currently don’t have a girlfriend but even when I did, I thought about her. It’s a tough situation and I’m not sure what to do, if anything?

–Single Whipped Male


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Word of the Week: Schrodinger’s Date
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cocktailsphoto by Southern_Foodways_Alliance

Okay, so it’s technically two words, but “Phrase of the Week” just doesn’t roll off the tongue in quite the same way. Anyway, “Schrodinger’s Date” is something that feels kind of like a date but may be more accurately described as a period of hanging out as a prelude to fucking. Even after you’ve actually had sex, you may still be unclear whether or not that was a date that preceded it. The term refers to the Schrodingers cat application of the uncertaintly principle: The date, like the cat, both is and is not. In fact, you may be sleeping with someone on a regular basis and still not be quite sure whether or not you’re actually dating. If you want to know for sure, the only way to let Schrodinger’s cat out of the bag is to say, “So, are we dating or what?” Of course, even that doesn’t imply exclusivity. To determine that, one must ask, “So, are we exclusive or what?”

For more hook-up terminology than you can shake a stick at, check out our book Rec Sex: An A-Z Guide to Hooking Up.

Happy Birthday, Betty Dodson!
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There isn’t better proof that an active, healthy, happy sex life keeps you looking young and vibrant than Betty Dodson, the great American sex educator who basically invented sex-positive feminism and almost single-handedly made masturbation okay for women. She turns 80 today — and she doesn’t look a day over 60! She’s in the process of creating her memoir online, via installments of text and video on her site DodsonAndRoss.com. But don’t let the sweet, grey-haired exterior fool you — Betty will tell you stories that will make you blush with shock and/or envy.

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Blog Snog (08-21-09)
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hello_nametagphoto by Mykl_Roventine

A weekly roundup of some of our favorite sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites:

In Sleep vs. Sex Battle, the Winner is…Mattresses, Pills and PDAs
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sleeping_dogphoto by audreyjm529

It seems like every few years, someone comes out with a study about what percentage of the population would choose a good night’s sleep over sex. The studies are usually sponsored by a mattress company, or a pharmaceutical firm developing non-addictive (riiiiight) sleeping pills, or — as in the most recent case — a chain of hotels with extremely comfortable beds. The study, funded by Westin Hotels, found that 51% of Americans surveyed would choose sleep over sex (as we mentioned earlier this week). It sounds much less depressing if you put it the other way: 49% of us would still sacrifice sleep for a bit of raucous boot-knocking, aw yeah. But it sounds much more depressing when you learn that a decade ago, a massive 69% (heh) of those surveyed said they’d choose sex over sleep.

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Dear Em & Lo: My Vibrator Doesn’t Kiss or Cuddle
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empty_bedphoto by Ciaran_McGuiggan

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m a 24-year-old woman who hasn’t had sex in 4 years, 10 months, 15 days, 5 hours, 51 minutes…well, you get the idea. I had my first boyfriend when I was twenty and it lasted for four months. He was my first sexual partner, and as of today, my last.

I have had a vibrator since I was 12, and it has been a great tool to get me off, but also to discover what I like. Using a vibrator has not made me numb, in fact, it has made me more sensitive, and I had at least one orgasm, if not more, per sex session with my ex. We broke up because of personality issues…he didn’t have one.

Fast forward to now, and it’s been a very looooong time since I’ve had sex or any sexual intimacy with a man. Just my vibrator. But it’s not doing it for me anymore. Every time I use it, I do orgasm, but it feels so empty and unfulfilling, even if I use a dildo. Sure, it gets rid of the horniness, but I unplug it, put it back into its drawer, and lie in bed. Alone. Plainly speaking, I miss having a penis inside me and the big manly arms holding me. I also miss kissing and cuddles. I miss the smell of a man, burrowing my fingers into his hair, his hot breath on my neck that sends chills down my back…BUT I digress.
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