photo by jlcwalker

Are you trying to get over your ex? Or are you trying to gain “hand” in a booty or dating situation? Or do you simply have no shame? If any or all of the above apply, then you need to designate a dialer before heading out on the town. A designated dialer is a friend who agrees to monitor your cellphone usage and watch for you waxing nostalgic with that misty look in your eyes, which usually precipitates a drunken-dial. This friend has your prior, sober permission to confiscate any mobile calling or texting devices, should he or she find your judgment to be seriously impaired. If you’re a truly needy case, then you might want to consider asking this friend to go above and beyond the call of duty and walk you home, in order to prevent a booty drive-by i.e. ringing someone’s doorbell and slurring, “So I jussss happened to be in the neighborhood…”