My Friend-with-Benefits Says “I Love You” in My Dreams…

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex & relationships. If you’ve got a good one, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg just might tell you what it means! Click here to submit yours (18 and older only for dream interpretations, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri about dreaming of a friend-with-benefits saying “I love you” in her dreams.”

I’ve known this guy for 13 years. Four months ago I separated from my husband. This guy and I have spent a lot of time together and have even been intimate over these few months. He also got out of a toxic marriage two years ago and is afraid of commitment. I am nuts about him but he keeps going a little cold if we get too close. 

I had a dream last night (I don’t normally dream about him): I was leaving his house, he was getting in his truck and instead of just saying have a great day as usual, he also said “I love you.”  Then I woke up.

I have wondered if we will ever be in an actual relationship, not just close friends that are intimate sometimes.  Thank you.

Lauri: Your dream is trying to help you put this all in perspective so you can make a better decision on how to proceed. That is the purpose of dreaming after all, to allow us to better understand ourselves and our current circumstances. I think your dream is giving you some good information that you can work with.

First of all, it is important to keep in mind that whatever is said in a dream, no matter who says it, is really coming from you. Your dreams and everything in them are your creation. That being said, this guy saying “I love you,” is really YOU saying this. So let’s examine that. This could be an indication that you are falling in love with him. But, since it is being said to you, my educated guess is that this relationship is helping you to love yourself. Getting involved with this guy after getting out of, or rather taking a break from, a difficult marriage has probably been very good for your self esteem.

Here is where the interesting perspective comes in. You are both leaving his house and he is leaving in his truck. I believe that is your subconscious preparing you for the possibility that this may not be a lasting thing. He is leaving your presence in the dream just as he repeatedly “leaves” what feels like closeness to you. Do you live in constant fear of him walking away for good?  I think your dream is showing you what you can expect from this relationship. The biggest predictor of future behavior is past behavior. That’s not to say he won’t ever feel more secure in what you two have going on but it is crucial you keep it real with yourself.

Response from the dreamer: Thank you so much. That does make a lot of sense. I am learning to love myself. He has been a big part of that process. I have feared that we will never be more but that fear is also becoming less of an issue as I’m getting a handle on what my needs are and what I really want. I would love to be in a committed relationship with him but know that no matter what, he will always be in my life, even if it’s just the great friendship we have had for all these years.

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