screenshot from ABC’s “The Bachelorette” When trying to express your most romantic feelings, do not say “You are awesome,” as if you’re at some sporting event marveling at an epic play, bro. Don’t be a poor sport on a date. Join in, lighten up and have a laugh. (That said, if your date makes you […]
If you’re going to talk politics on a date, then the only appropriate response to the topic of Benghazi is “Bring it on!” It’s gauche to ask your date about the ancient indiscretions of their partner, especially if said date was the Secretary of God Damn State. If you’re going to tell your date how […]
photo courtesy of ABC/David Moir On a date, do not go on and on about what a nerd you were in high school — that’s a story best told after they’ve fallen in love with the totally rad person you are today. That said, do wear cool, memorable pants. Never underestimate the power of unexpected […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Todd Wawrychuk Don’t let your snowboard instructor (ballroom dance instructor, pottery instructor, etc) touch your date more than you. Don’t show your date your anus on your second date, whether accidentally or not. You can ask your date “What’s the worst thing about your parents?” as long as A) you’re not wasted, […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Rick Rowell When on a date, follow the same rule of the writer: show, don’t tell. Do not say “I have a lot to offer” as your opening gambit. Prove it by being charming, smart, funny, compassionate and so on. Do not refer to your date as “ma’am” at any point, even […]
screenshot from ABC’s “The Bachelor: After the Final Rose” After spending all season ripping apart Juan Pablo for his sexist paternalism, his homophobia, his hypocrisy, and his all around smarminess, we’re going to do something we never thought we’d do: defend him. Hear us out. When Andi, one of the women in Juan Pablo’s final […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Rick Rowell When your partner’s family tells you he’s rude, he makes his mama cry, he won’t stick around when things get hard, he’s not an easy guy, he’s self-centered, he’s a know-it-all, he’s simple, he watches TV all day, and there will be lots of fighting, dump him. When your partner’s dad […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Rick Rowell Ladies, never say you “think too much.” Serious reflection, internal debate, philosophical pondering — these are all good things in a woman, in a romantic partner, in a human being (even if they may seem surprising to Juan Pablo). Honesty is the best policy when it comes to non-exclusive relationships — […]
Many episodes of The Bachelor of have been touted as “the most dramatic ever!” — last night’s truly was. It has been a long-time coming: 18 seasons to be exact (and that’s not even counting all the spin-offs). But after yesterday’s fantasy suite episode of The Bachelor with Juan Pablo, the veils have finally dropped, […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Guy D’Alema Dudes: No sleeveless tees over long-sleeved ones (even if they’re attached and it’s supposed to be a “look”). In fact, better yet: No sleeveless tees, period. If one of the parents of your date asks for either a private dance performance or a private dance lesson from you, quickly but tactfully […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Michael Fullana If you’re looking for an “intellectual connection” with a potential mate (like Sharleen), don’t go on “The Bachelor.” If your date makes you wish you were a little dumber (like JP makes Sharleen wish she were), then that is a clear sign this relationship should be kept squarely in the booty […]
screenshot from ABC’s The Bachelor Everyone has their patented move (e.g. gently curling your date’s hair behind their ear). Just make sure your move doesn’t become an automatic, robotic gesture when a) you’ve run out of things to say, b) you’re not interested in the words coming out of your date’s mouth, and/or c) you’ve […]
screenshot from ABC’s The Bachelor Your date being interested in hearing about your career is not “AMAZING!”, it does not make him an extraordinary human being with mystical qualities that make him the perfect guy for you. Asking you about your job and him actually listening to the answer should be the bare minimum for […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Christopher Jue When your date confides in you about their terrible, deadbeat, alcoholic father who abandoned them, do NOT respond with, “Wow, that must have been so difficult for your father.” The appropriate response is, “Wow, that must have been so difficult for your YOU.” Don’t tell your date what you think […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Rick Rowell Date location don’ts: cold and dirty city harbors (that you intend to swim in), sport stadium hot dog kitchens (that you intend to make out in), and bungee-jumping bridges next to busy 8-lane freeways. If you put just the tip in, it doesn’t count. We’re of course talking about putting just […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Todd Wawrychuk Sensual massage and talk of the dearly departed do not mix. If someone on a date is pressuring you to do something that you don’t feel comfortable with, that goes against your values, and that you simply don’t want to do, then stand up for yourself and don’t do it! […]
