JJ thought he’d score points with Kaitlyn and the community, oddly, by embracing “bros before hoes” and, we guess, “bros before foes” ideology when he told Clint to apologize, not to her, but to the other guys in the house for being a Bachelorette-bogarting douche. However, all he did was earn the derision of his castmates — […]
The Bachelorette is kicking ass and taking names! Having a baby breakdown because you didn’t get picked for the team? Kaitlyn’ll embarrass you further by calmly telling you to take your ball(s) and go home. Playing hard to get and not paying attention to her on a date? She’ll call you out for the disrespect in […]
The Bachelor/ette franchise may have finally been completely ruined for us last nigth after Amy Schumer’s guest appearance during one of Kaitlyn’s group dates. That’s how brilliant she was, turning the show into what it really should be, what it was meant to be. Schumer was her usual, inappropriately hilarious self, but it’s a testement […]
Life began again last night with the premiere of ABC’s “The Bachelorette”— or should we say, “The BacheloretteS”? After all, this season’s big twist was pitting last season’s two favorites — Kaitlyn Potty-Mouth Bristowe and Britt Insincerity’s-My-Middle-Name Nillson — against each other in a Highlander-esque cocktail party where they had to outcharm 25 fairly unimpressive […]
Well, we’ve made it through another season of The Bachelor. The editors cut the footage with a heavy hand to make us think Chris would ultimately think with his dick and pick the distant, unamused, hot virgin, Becca, instead of the much more sensible choice, Iowa-loving, family-embracing, 100% gung-ho, baby-talking (in ALL senses of the word) […]
screen shot of ABC’s “After the Final Rose” Last night’s “After the Final Rose” was the most dramatic ever! Not because the Bachelorette (Andi Dorfman) got engaged to a guy (Josh “I Can’t Put My Arms Down” Murray) after only knowing him for two and a half months and only going on, like, three dates […]
Unfortunately neither of us is able to watch the “Men Tell All” episode of “The Bachelorette” tonight — starring Andi and all the men she has spurned so far. So we won’t be able to bring your our usual tart wrap-up and love lessons tomorrow. Instead, here’s what we imagine might happen on tonight’s episode… […]
We always look forward to the Fantasy Suite episodes — contestants get naked, both literally and figuratively, and shit gets real. The Bachelor or Bachelorette may or may not sleep with three hopefuls in three days — and it’s all made possible by the host-slash-pimp, Chris. Unless, of course, it’s Andi’s season, in which case […]
. When wooing someone — especially someone with an intellectual career — avoid these decidedly unsexy words and phrases: “it’s hard work,” “don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty,” “gumption,” “there’s no limits for a woman on a farm,” and “homemaker” (even if the person wouldn’t mind being a stay-at-home parent, there’s something so […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Geert Vanden Wijngaert It’s honorable to take the process of falling in love seriously (Marcus), but would it kill you to crack a joke once in a while? There’s a reason why people rank “sense of humor” as one of the most important qualities they look for in a mate. To quote Nick: […]
screenshot from ABC’s “The Bachelorette” For the love of all that’s clean and right and good, wash your hands after you go to the bathroom! And not just when you’re on a date — every time. When on a date, don’t talk about how bad you are in bed, even if you’re just joking, for […]
screenshot from ABC’s “The Bachelorette” When trying to express your most romantic feelings, do not say “You are awesome,” as if you’re at some sporting event marveling at an epic play, bro. Don’t be a poor sport on a date. Join in, lighten up and have a laugh. (That said, if your date makes you […]
If you’re going to talk politics on a date, then the only appropriate response to the topic of Benghazi is “Bring it on!” It’s gauche to ask your date about the ancient indiscretions of their partner, especially if said date was the Secretary of God Damn State. If you’re going to tell your date how […]
photo courtesy of ABC/David Moir On a date, do not go on and on about what a nerd you were in high school — that’s a story best told after they’ve fallen in love with the totally rad person you are today. That said, do wear cool, memorable pants. Never underestimate the power of unexpected […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Todd Wawrychuk Don’t let your snowboard instructor (ballroom dance instructor, pottery instructor, etc) touch your date more than you. Don’t show your date your anus on your second date, whether accidentally or not. You can ask your date “What’s the worst thing about your parents?” as long as A) you’re not wasted, […]
photo courtesy of ABC/Rick Rowell When on a date, follow the same rule of the writer: show, don’t tell. Do not say “I have a lot to offer” as your opening gambit. Prove it by being charming, smart, funny, compassionate and so on. Do not refer to your date as “ma’am” at any point, even […]
