Reader layday had this to say in response to our post, “My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm”:
I am not a psychologist of any sort, but it does make me wonder if your husband [a man who doesn’t seem to take his wife’s orgasms into account] watches pornography? When a person watches porn it over time conditions them to only receive, and not give. This may sound unorthodox, but sometimes it is a sign of porn addiction.
Sometimes they cannot physically wait because the “foreplay” has been going on in his mind for a while already, maybe even a lot of the sexual fantasies, but they ultimately need that physical stimulation to finish off the mental state of pleasure.
Also, pornography tends to, and you may have heard it a million times, objectify women. Over time he may see those women as you, or you as them, without emotional and physical desires for yourself. Even if he understands that intellectually, his brain has taught him it has to reach pleasure for itself, since porn doesn’t ask for the same satisfaction back.
Like I said, I am not a psychologist but I did attend a pornography addiction course by a psychologist who works with children addicted to porn. One last thing, if you are using sex toys you are also training yourself to be satisfied without bonding. Your body may eventually want sex without ever reaching emotional satisfaction. I hope it helps, and, wife to wife, I wish you the very best!
