10/13/10
Wise Guys: Do Men Care What Labia Look Like?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What is the general consensus on women with big labia, or longer inner labia, or dark labia? Does it really matter? With the rise in labiaplasty surgery and all the adult men’s mags only showing only “neat and tidy” vulvas, it’s hard to figure out if this is just some manufactured porn ideal or a vast preference among men…?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

daniel_100Gay Single Guy (Daniel): If this is anything like the reference for cut versus uncut men (which would be the only way I could relate to this question, frankly), I’d have to say it’s probably just personal preference and if most of the men’s porn rags have neat and tidy, then that might just be the preference of the magazine editors. Big, dark, longer inner, whatever, it’s probably safe to say that a general consensus among men is CLEAN labia. After that, I’m sure it’s not a deal breaker.

mark_luczak_100Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): Cosmetically, a woman should feel completely comfortable with herself — confidence in oneself and one’s appearance is key. While I’ll certainly allow for any number of healthy avenues (diet, working out) toward as much visual improvement as one desires, being compelled explicitly by the “ideals” portayed in media and advertising and yes, porn, to go so far as to surgically alter oneself just to achieve this “perfection” seems a little overboard (and labiaplasty itself seems even an especially drastic thing to do).

As far as the male consensus, let me just say that if everything looked exactly the same, think how boring that would be. Those adult magazines simply don’t do justice to the great “variety” that is out there! Anyway, everyone being different in their own way is what makes us all special (not to go all Mr. Rogers). But seriously, if a guy is with someone he wants to be with for who she is as a complete person, how her labia look doesn’t really matter — he’s just thrilled to get to be intimate with her, and all her parts.

james_glazebrook_100Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): I’m not a fan of plastic surgery, but I concede that not everyone is blessed with the same perfect proportions as me — that is, a big enough head to comfortably support some seriously outsized features.

So I understand why someone would get his or her nose done. After all, it’s out there for all to see, at all times. As for people whose face is the secret to their success, the pressure to have photogenic features has meant that movie stars stretching back to Marilyn Monroe have been getting their faces “fixed.”

The same is true for porn stars and their most valuable assets, their professional pussies. Either the big, long and dark labia are all being nipped and tucked, or they aren’t making it off the casting couch. But whether they’re being physically cut, or simply being cut in the editing suite, “imperfect” labia aren’t finding their way into pornography.

While this may be creating some impossible standards among men (and women) who can’t distinguish between fantasy and reality, for the rest of us it should be liberating. If your genitals aren’t frequently exposed to countless viewers, as long as they work, it doesn’t much matter what they look like. If you trust someone enough to let them down there, you should trust them not to put some alien porn ideal before your feelings or, more importantly, their chances of getting laid.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Most Likely To; our Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



110 Comments

  1. If they like you they’ll love your labia. Big or small. I didn’t like freckles. Until my girlfriend had them. Now I love them.

  2. women don’t like foreskinned dicks so much that they chop off their babies to fit their sexual preferences. Men can have their own sexual preferences as well. Most men don’t like long labia and most women don’t like uncircumcised dicks. Ya’ll can either get the surgery to fix this issue like so many men undergo or deal with some men rejecting you. Simple as that. Don’t trust everything you read on the internet.

    1. umm source? for any of this? lol apparently women like cut dicks now. apparently women circumcise their kids and not because doctors pressure parents to (all parents not just women, but you probably didn’t know men could be parents lmao). youre making shit up. anyone who tries to advertise themselves as “the truth” are 100% BSing, every single time, no exceptions. you make no sense and have no sources. god damn i am ashamed of being a human. try getting a job instead of whining about how your dad didn’t hug you enough.

      1. Ha, yeah, we’re pretty sure that the only “truth” in what that person says is this comment at the end of his post: “Don’t trust everything you read on the internet.” This warning goes double for anonymous commenters calling themselves “the truth.”

    2. Are you fucking for real?!?! Mass male infant mutilation (circumcision) began in this country after WWI when GIs came back riddled with the clap and worse. Before that, it was strictly for religious reasons. MEN do not undergo this procedure absent serious medical reasons. Personally, I prefer intact men. My current partner is Jewish. I don’t let that fact interfere with my affection towards him, nor my love of his cock. It’s the person, not the fun bits, that matter. I happen to have very large, fleshy outer labia – and I’ve never heard any complaints. I expect a man to want me for me, not for what my fun bits look like. Simple as that.

  3. I recently lost my virginity and I noticed my larger labia when I was little but never paid much attention to it, I became curious and started watching porn a couple years ago and saw all the perfect little vaginas and got really insecure and was positive there was something wrong with me so I was really nervous to have sex with this guy but I figured he would just go in and not look at it, but he ended up going down on me and I was really surprised when he didn’t say anything about it, I’m not sure he prefers it but he seemed to enjoy it enough… he is older and more experienced than me so I figured he has probably seen other vaginas of the same type already (mine are darker and stick out quite a bit and stretch really far)

  4. I also have a rather large and “roast beef” looking labia. I’m 23 and pretty and would have no problem getting a guy if it weren’t for my insecurities. I break off every relationship I’ve ever had by the time I’ve told them no, they can’t go down on me for so long before it turns into a big deal. They must notice, but I’m so ashamed I can even say how I feel. I feel like it’s ruining my chance for happiness. A little dramatic, I know, but that’s how much it affects my confidence. I want to find someone that doesn’t care, but in my generation that doesn’t seem possible. I’ve been researching labiaplasty, but there’s no way I could afford it anytime soon. What am I supposed to do? For my sanity I feel like something must be done.

  5. As a man, I’m overwhelmingly more concerned with what kind of partner I’m with (personality, degree and quality of friendship, mutual degree of attraction and desire) than what kind of labia she has, how large her breasts are, or various other body parts that people seem to focus on. Her labia could be nonexistent, unusually large, or anywhere in between. While it is enjoyable to fantasize about different types of labia (and I do fantasize about different types), and I would be curious as to what giving oral to someone with longer labia would be like, it really doesn’t matter. Seriously.

    I’ve never seen labia that I didn’t like. A lot.

    I’m deeply saddened to read that anyone feels like their labia, or anything about them, isn’t “desirable”. Real men, in my humble opinion, care about what’s important. We may have preferences just like women (hair color, accent, clothing style, . . . the list goes on and on), but what really counts has nothing to do with the size of your labia. It has EVERYTHING to do with how much you enjoy your labia with your partner.

    This debate reminds me so much of the “penis size” debate. The people who have the strongest dislikes or say the meanest things are generally the people I wouldn’t want to be with anyway.

  6. I think the Dallas girl screwed up and cries inside at her other insecurities. Clearly she feels the need to let us and all the other people she shows it off too, know how cute her vagina is. I actually feel really bad for her. She told is that she loves to show it off herself… So, she must REALLY not like herself. The only thing she doesnt hate about herself is her vagina so she’s probably sleeping WITH quite the number of men because that’s all she thinks she has to offer. @dallas , I forgive you. For real.

    S0! Straight up, I really am not fond of my labia. At all. Like someone else had said, I don’t remember them growing I just known that at some point I realized they were large. I was just looking at them on day thinking all kinds of things. “Why are they stretchy looking? Why are they brown? Why aren’t they like tucked in? What the hell is a vagina typically supposed to look like anyway? Is this right? I wonder how many other girls look like this? Did I go years unconsciously pulling at myself or something? They hang. Why? I… Dont like this. Great small boobs and an awkward looking vagina.” These things still go through my head when I’m changing in a mirror.
    I go back and forth between not caring and thinking to myself things like, “it’s not a big deal. The guys you’ve been with have NOT EVER complain. You’re ex bf said he liked them
    a lot, you’re fine. Shut up”, to “Ew. Why do I have to have these things hanging from me. I already have to deal with my boobs. They’re going to be bummed when the see my boobs(although I like my shape) and have to adjust their eyes when they see my (Dane cook large labia reference here)high school play curtains.
    They’re so ugly. And wrinkly. I just need them cropped. I hate looking in the mirror”.

    I go back and forth on how to feel about them. I hear so many negative jokes about them. The other day my guy friends were talking about whether they prefer shaven or bald (I hate the word pussy).. Pussies. CLEAN, and GROOMED was unanimous. The they started on lip size. I just ha ha’d and stayed balls deep into my phone like I didn’t care about the subject, but I was listening quite intently. They never really quite said that they prefer the… Ill just say porn vagina because I honestly don’t really know what adjectives to use when talking about one that isn’t like mine. I can only think of the words “pretty in pink/ tucked away or plain” and those aside from “pretty” sound negative. ( I’m sorry I can be discursive.)
    So the guys never came right out and said they prefer porn- like pussies or described why they would or do. They just made jokes about ones with larger labiaed(word?) ones. The play curtain joke came up as well as the beef curtain joke. At one point I was actually laughing, but I was hoping they wouldn’t ask me which set I was working with myself. Thankfully the didnt. But I felt so abnormal and insecure about myself. Like “damn. I really have a problem, but if either of them got with me I doubt they’d zip back up and leave. Not that that’s how I do things. Lol.

    I know Ive rambled, but I’d rather be more specific and open vs keep things short for the sake of space and time.

    The above comments made me feel SO much better. They truly did. And I honestly dont think ill stress too much worrying about whether a guy is going to go to go down on me, pop up then be like “NOPE! I forgot I have a dentist appointment” anymore.

    However, unfortunately. I still don’t think they’re at all attractive. Hanging there, brown and “used” looking.

    Like if I were a guy or lesbian and about to go down on a girl with labia as full as mine for the first time, I wouldn’t react like wtf, I’d be like “hmm. There’s just more to eat and taste…” ( And I HAVE been told I taste like candy lol. Ex bf coming up with awkward/funny things he’d imagine my gyno saying to me. )

    I think I started off with an intended point but I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts and perspective on my own pussy. My Pussy Perspectives. (Ugh that word. Right up there with moist. You see what I did there?)

    – have any of you heard of the Thought Catalogue #thoughcatalogue ? I want to write for them.

    K, I’m done. Sorry. Bye.
    (Didnt rescan for typos. Not tonight. Good luck)

  7. I am 21 years old and had been with the same guy since I was 14. He never complained about my labia and always told me I was perfect. I still find myself insecure about them though. They stick out about an inch from my majora when I’m standing. They’re pink which I’m happy about and when I open them they kinda make the shape of a heart. I recently left him and have been talking to a guy who told me he loves giving oral. I never let my ex do that much because of how insecure I am. I am really hoping this guy loves them and will be happy no matter what. Mine used to get uncomfortable until I learned to tuck them into my outer lips so they didn’t hang. Now I can wear any underwear.

  8. My partner and I fell in love long before he saw my labia or I saw his penis. I guess that when we did get our eyefuls we were both happy. Now, whether that means he likes my mid-sized labia as a genre and I like 6.5 inch uncut penises, who knows. I did have an affair with a man who was cut and it didn’t really affect me, but he seemed to miss out on some sensations.

    Blissfully happy with what I have and what my partner has and what we like about each other. Google my blog.

    Nothing else matters!

  9. It’s too bad that Dallas had to come on here and voice her opinion in the way she did. Its perfectly fine to tell your opinion, but you don’t need to use nick-names like “big old tentacles” just to make yours sound better-the post would have been fine without that. And the other posts that put down smaller labias, there was no need. You can voice your opinion without having to put anyone down. Obviously many people (including myself) came on here because they insecure about their labia and want to see what others preferences are, not to hear put-downs and nicknames.

    But besides all that, this thread really did made me feel better about myself. Until I read this, I didn’t realize that guys could actually like longer labia. My outer labia are just mid size I guess (not huge, but not teeny tiny) but my inner labia stick out. Sometimes it does get uncomfortable when I’m wearing jeans or they lay weird in my underwear but I just got used to it. I honestly don’t really remember when they grew like this, its like they just appeared lol. I just really hate the way they look and feel, they just really bother me. I just wish my inner labia weren’t so long, like if they didn’t hang out of my outer labia then I wouldn’t mind but I can’t do anything about it. I have never seen other girls labias in person, just pics online and there are so many different types. I’m 19 and no one has gone down on me yet (because I’m so insecure about this, I try to avoid that and just skip to the main event)but I have been fingered and I always wonder if they can feel them when they finger me, or when they first get down there. I feel like my inner labia do get in the way and I have had to spread them apart myself/move them. But I have recently noticed the more wet you get down there the easier they spread apart. If he can bring a good foreplay and get me wet, there’s no need for either of us to have to move them 🙂

  10. I’m very small in the labia minora department but unlike many of the people here I’m not going to slam women who are bigger than me just to boost my own confidence. Look at all of the women and especially men who are saying that people like me are boring and basically have nothing to offer or if it’s not that, we are underdeveloped prepubescent girls with no sex drive that only attract pedophiles. Yes, that’s what we have to put up with and what makes things worse is the women with large labia thanking these fools who say these comments because it made them feel better about themselves! Are you kidding me?! You don’t like to be treated that way but kudos to those who do that to people who look different from you? See the problem there?

    @Gisselle You made so many great points but sadly they will go unnoticed because it would require people to use their brains which from what I’ve seen here, many are incapable of doing. Some people truly want all of this crap to end but most just want things to be about them and to hell with everyone else which is why people will choose to ignore your comment.

    I guess I should be thankful that I’m very much into spirituality so I can devote all of my energy to that and not relationships. I’d love to share my life with someone but the last thing I need is to end up with an asshole like some of the guys here who only see me as a body part and if I don’t look the way that he likes then I’ll be tossed aside like a piece of garbage. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.

    Oh and @Gisselle, you might want to add “chicks with small lips can’t feel sex unlike the big ones” to the list. The stupidity that the human mind is capable of will never cease to amaze me.

  11. Yo, I guarantee it this Dallas gal has loads of insecurities. That is why she is so nasty and judgmental towards long-labia posters.

    It’s probably because of the fact that she validates herself by her appearance, and when she sees a post rooting for the other team, it’s a major blow to her ego. Oh god, there are men out there that AREN’T attracted to your vagina? What ever will you do?

    Guess you’ll have to develop some sort of personality instead of this biting jealous bitchy rotten attitude to compensate. 🙂

  12. I happened upon this thread pretty much as a reassurance regarding my labia also. However, my labia are small and tucked away ( I guess the “porn star” look everyone is referring to ). I have actually had labia envy also, but sometimes wishing mine were a little larger rather than very small! Most threads I have read lately have said that most men prefer larger labia because they look more feminine. Also, that women with small ones are not as “developed” and look prepubescent or whatever. That to me is just as unsettling as women worrying about their big ones! And for the girl Dallas who posted, I have this to say : you are very rude and immature! To say things like ” tentacles” and whatever to other women who come here and share their stories is just rude and disrespectful! Guess what, I have a “pornstar vag” just like you, so don’t even try to say I am jealous of you just because I also called you out on your rudeness! Women should empower each other and try to be supportive when others open up and talk about things that are hurtful to them. You seem to think take pleasure in making people feel like crap! I sure hope others on here are more mature and compassionate than you are! With that said, is there any way to make labia a little bigger ? I mean enough that they really hug a guys penis ? This is what men say feels so good about larger labia, and I want mine bigger!!

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