What Do Her Ex’s Recent Emails Mean?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

I need advice please, particularly male advice. I had a long distance relationship for almost a year. Short story: he freaked out about the commitment and broke up with me. It’s taken me almost 2 years now to finally put all the pieces together and understand why we broke up. We stayed in touch until last April when we stopped talking — he just stopped responding to emails and texts. It was hard but I finally let him go. Then, this past September on my birthday he texted me with beautiful words; I said thank you and we exchanged a couple of words after that. I emailed him a few days later with something really funny and got no response, so I emailed him back and finally told him I was not interested in the birthday-holiday-say-hi kind of thing, so we stopped communicating. But 3 days ago he emailed me at 2 am, just saying hi, and he shared a song (“Lord Is It Mine” from Supertramp*). He also said beautiful stuff about me and my kids…I don’t want to read between lines but this makes me confused. Please help.

— Superstumped

*Lord Is It Mine Lyrics by Supertramp

I know that there’s a reason why I need to be alone
You shown me there’s a silent place that I can call my own
Is it mine, oh Lord, is it mine?
You know I get so weary from the battles in this life
And as many times it seems that you’re the only hope in sight
Is it mine, oh Lord, is it mine?
When everything’s dark
And nothing seems right
There’s nothing to win
And there’s no need to fight
I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land
But it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand
Is it mine, oh Lord, is it mine?
When everything’s dark
And nothing seems right
You don’t have to win
And there’s no need to fight
If only I could find a way to feel your sweetness through the day
The love that shines around me could be mine
So give us an answer, won’t you
We know what we have to do
There must be a thousand voices
Trying to get through

Got any advice on interpreting an ex‘s emails?
Let Superstumped know in the comments below!


  1. Thanks guys, I was more concern about depression, I think midlife crisis has knock him down. I feel that he maybe looking for a friend but after reading the previous post I was curious.

    1. Yeah, I was thinking that this guy probably just went through something – a break-up, midlife crisis, whatever – and he needs the reassurance and comfort of an unconditionally accepting woman. Don’t be that woman.

    2. Then he should be clear about his needs, i.e. wanting/needing you as a friend, and not send you vague mixed messages that could be interpreted as romantic gestures. It’s pretty fair-weather-sounding to us — he could have been mature, stayed distant yet supportive friends with you, and you might have been kind to him during his time of need. But he dumped you, disappeared, and is now getting all mushy when HE needs something from you, when it’s convenient for HIM. We’re sorry if he’s going through a mid life crisis, but he sounds like a selfish user to us. Yuck.

      1. He is not really good a communicating, never has. I haven’t see him in person in 2 years so I am not hook in “hormones” with him. I read the previous post and the answers were, he is horny, he is lonely or he is just looking for narc supply. I didn’t mention that he said: “there is not a secret agenda in this email”, but when I read the lyrics I got concern. We have been in touch pretty much since he broke up with me and I guess what I am is his guru now, I have to say, deep inside I love this men but I am conscious he needs his space and he needs to be free now, he is in his 40’s and I guess going through some sort of crisis. I asked for advise because I wanted to know if there is something else besides being horny or lonely, maybe something I don’t l don’t know about men… It’s great to read all your responses, thank You!

  2. Yeah… this guy’s a waste of time. You have kids, you’re looking for a serious commitment from him, and he’s sending you song lyrics? What is he, in 5th grade? I’m with Em & Lo on this one: DELETE, BLOCK, AVOID!

  3. Is it weird to post this, saying we don’t have time to answer it, and then answer it in the comments anyway? Well, we’re going for it, quick and dirty (cause not sure this is worthy of a full post): He’s dicking you around and stringing you along in order to stroke his narcissism, all in the guise of romantic nostalgia. He’s not interested in a rekindling a real relationship with you. Block his number, delete his email from your contacts, and send everything of his automatically to your Junk folder. Do not take the bait, do not respond — move on and find someone willing to give you the commitment you (and your kids) deserve (assuming you’re interested in commitment, which it sounds like you are).

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