Can sexual compatibility improve over time in a relationship — or does it need to be there from the start for the relationship to work? Is bad sex necessarily a deal-breaker? Read the letter below and then advise “Underwhelmed” in the feedback section below.
Dear Em & Lo,
I’ve always been a fairly promiscuous woman, in between looking for Mr. Right, and I’ve enjoyed most of the sex I’ve had, and consistently gotten rave reviews. I’ve never had a shortage of lovers and only rarely found myself sexually incompatible with someone. I’ve got some skills.
And I was thrilled this year when I met someone with whom I actually connected emotionally, and really felt excited to be around, talk to, and spend time. I was excited and turned on by him physically and emotionally.
So I was pretty shocked to find that the sex is insurmountably bad. I’m excellent at giving head, and approach it with gusto, but around his cock my bag of tricks doesn’t seem to work. I’ve had guys who were too small for me, but this guy is actually WAY too thick. To the point that there are very few positions we can use and when I get close to orgasm and start to clench down a bit it actually hurts him a great deal and we have to stop. He probably only comes about 30% of the time.
I’ve never had a sexual relationship like this. With anyone else I would’ve just chalked it up to weird sex issues and gone on my merry way to the next dude but I don’t often fall into a “boyfriend” space with someone and I am crazy about this guy. He’s introduced me to his family, we’ve talked about moving in together. It’s clearly “going somewhere” but I know that if the sex doesn’t actually improve we don’t have a chance. He’s reticent to talk and, frankly, I don’t know how to make myself more commodious, or figure out what will get him off without him TELLING me what to do, especially since the moves and tricks that worked so well on the previous bazillion dudes doesn’t work on the one guy I want to keep around.
How to make myself bigger? It’s not a lube issue. I’m juicy. Just small. How to get him to talk? Should I go back to slutting it up? I’m in my 30s. I’d rather have this work than go back to the (albeit more sexually compatible) anonymous masses.
— Underwhelmed
What should “Underwhelmed” do? Advise her below…
