Your Call: I Want My Wife to Have an Affair; She Thinks I’m Nuts

Tilda Swinton, open relationship poster child

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

I would like for my wife to have an affair, with my permission. It is someone we met and she shared kisses with. He is safe and not a threat to our marriage. She thinks I am nuts.

I want her to try it at least once, and hope she will share the details with me afterwards. I find it very arousing. We have been married for 28 years, and she is still as hot and beautiful now, but does not have the confidence in herself. I think it might help in all aspects. She and I still have a nice sex life, so that is not the issue.

— Free Bird

What words of wisdom do you have for Free Bird? Leave your feedback in the comments section below.



  1. Me and my wife had a small business, a guy used to serve us with fruit and veg twice weekly. I also did interior decorating and wife was often alone when the guy called to leave the fruit and veg. The shop was closed for lunch 1-2pm and eventually the greengrocer started to call at the lunch times … I realised why he was calling when she was alone and managed one day to get through from the back door and heard them having it off. … I was more excited than angry and when wife asked how could I forgive her, found myself saying she would be forgiven if she carried on letting this guy use her as long as I was told everything that happened. It never affected our marriage at all.

  2. Let me tell you, from my perspective, there is nothing hotter than watching your wife getting it on with another guy. I was married to my first wife at 19. We were married for 25 years and it took about 5 years for me to get her Then she started to gain weight and didn’t feel sexy any more. This eventually led to a lot of issues in our marriage and eventually we ended up getting divorced.

    I met my second wife who I introduced her into 3somes/ cuckolding. She was really into it right from the start and I never even had to prompt her like I did with my first wife. It was pure bliss. That marriage started to fall apart when the same thing started to happen – she started gaining weight, said she didn’t want to do it any more. Our sex life then became very boring and stagnant. Eventually that marriage ended after 10 years for some unrelated issues.

    I just can’t tell you how much of a turn on this lifestyle is to me.

  3. Very Hot!! I have had the same fantasy myself for years . My wife has known my fantasy of her being a Hotwife for years. At first she thought it was weird. Thought I didn’t care about her or that I was looking for a way for myself to sleep with other women. But I do love my wife very much and don’t want to have sex with other women. when she finally realized that we would talk about it during forplay. Sex would be really Hot. She would later say after sex she could never really do something like that and that it was definitely not a turn on for her thinking of me being with another woman. I tell her I don’t want to be with other women I just love the idea of her being promiscuous . The thought of her having sex with a man she finds attractive, a man much bigger than my 5 inches that can really make her Orgasm during intercourse. something I can only do for her orally. I love the thought of that.
    Now that our kids are older. She seems more open to the idea. She has asked questions like would you really want me to have sex with another man? would you want to be with me afterwards. I tell her she couldn’t keep me off her after. She has asked other questions like what if he has a bigger dick or what if he is better in bed, what if I want it more? Would that bother you? I told her I hope he is bigger and better and makes you cum like never before if you do decide to try it! And I hope you do want it more alot more! What is the point other wise if it’s not totally hot for you.
    So it seems like she’s starting to open up to the idea of her playing around with another man. Her questions seem to indicate that. And that sure turns me on. So maybe soon?

    1. Hey quite alot same is happening with us , we are 29/30 cpls married from last four years. Although she have been fantasising this from almost 3 years but she never got confident on this, now a days she starting feeling that our sex life is being monotonous and she doesnt feel like that passionate feeling of love making. I introduced the idea of hotwife. But she doesnt want me to get hook just for sex. she want her to fall in love again ,s o she can re live that feeling of new love. Lets see what comes next. All i want is to love her be with her. having sex with her was never the reason to be with her/ loving her.

  4. I am in a ‘cuckold’ situation in my marriage, but this took years of slow, gentle encouragement. At first it was just me whispering my dirty fantasies in her ear during intimate moments. After she had come to understand my desire, she started taking small steps to tease and please me. This happened most often while on vacation. In beautiful places with beautiful strangers. At first it was limited to small acts of flirting and a little exhibitionism here and there – often on the pretext of a dare. Most importantly, I never pushed her toward anyone specific. If she felt flirty and fun (and a little buzz always helped) I gently encouraged her to explore her wild side.

    After years of this she eventually became comfortable enough to take things to a new level with a handsome stranger of her choice.

    Believe me: I understand this desire. But you have to keep it light and take it slow and maybe – just maybe – she will explore this desire more fully. But the last thing you want to appear as to your wife is a creepy, pushy sexual deviant. That will freak her out and you will probably A: never realize your fantasy and B: lose your wife in the process.

  5. Im 22 and been in a long distant relationship for 4 years (first love for both of us) and I share similar types of feelings.

    My girlfriend started to talk to some lads explicitly through facebook which hurt me and I told her as soon as I found out. She then stopped. I ended up doing the same thing until she found me out.

    However lately I have started to develop feelings where I wish she cheats on me, whether it be me knowing or unknowing. So I made her aware of this and spurred her on to talk to other males (who ever she wanted) online.

    She made a friend who shese very close with now and shares all her problems with now too, so whenever we have an argument she turns to him for support and advice. I told her I dont mind that and enjoy it when shese in contact with him. Shese evens sends me screen shots of their conversation where she will send him pictures and he will give her lots of compliments.

    she has told me she would like this to carry on after marriage too so I am happy about it. One day i hope she will have a full on affair with him. Our love life is still fantastic as we both love each other and she constantly tells me how much she loves me. I want her to stay happy and I feel now if I told her to stop contacting him (not that I want to) she wouldnt be happy.

    point being here is that when I introduced my idea to her, I still gave her a choice by saying Ide like her to starting contacting ‘any type of guy you like’ as opposed to a certain person.

    one day I feel like I will be a real cuckold and I cannot wait for it

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