And the LELO for the Best Self-Love Haiku Goes To…

Thank you for all your inspired entries in our Self Love Haiku Contest. Rabbit imagery seemed to be a big theme, which makes sense considering the prize up for grabs is a Rabbit-style vibe (one that’s waterproof, body-safe, powerful and quiet). And there were a lot of hilarious haikus that tickled our funny bones (which will always get you further than trying to tickle other body parts of ours). But like the Highlander, there can be only one. So, without further ado, congratulations to Stephanie! You will soon be the proud owner of a fabulous $160 INA pleasure object from LELO! Enjoy it inside and out.


“You should love yourself,
both inside and out,” they said.
“… That’s not what we meant!”


TOP 10 HONORABLE MENTIONS (in no particular order):

Major props to Dannie and Danika, our two most prolific and spirited haiku contributors. So close…

1. The “Dirty Poor” Award goes to Dannie:
Piles of monthly bills,
Economic recession,
But my hands are free.

2. The “Ex Factor” Award goes to Dave W:
Deep in my spank bank
I remember Ramona
This won’t take too long

3. The “Masturbation As Procrastination” Award goes to Danika:
Textbooks are too dry
When I am so wet down there
Books close; zippers drop

4. The “Voyeur” Award goes to Dannie:
Only thing better
Than watching you, is watching
You watch me do it.

5. The “Personification” Award goes to Danika:
Bald man in a boat
I paddle past thick black weeds
Just to pat his head

6. The “Mae West” Award goes to Dannie:
They say: “Good girls don’t.”
But if they only knew me…
I’m good. Very good.

7. The “Nocturnal Emission” Award goes to Johnny:
A crush from my job
Surprises me in my dreams
Well, I’m awake now…

8. The “Nature Lovers” Award goes to Dannie:
It’s not a flower,
not delicate, but sometimes,
a rabbit hums by.

9. The “So Wrong It’s Right” Award goes to Danika:
Bunny Foo Foo bops
All the field mice on the head
Please, my clit, instead?

10. The “Porno Plot” Award goes to Dannie:
Landlord said no pets;
Changed his mind when he caught me
With my pet rabbit.




Choke the chicken, wank
Flick the bean, spank the monkey
Oh, I love self love!

Long term, long distance
Words and Ina get me off
Sext me while I play

When a person is
Their own best friend and lover
Fireworks explode!

It’s a special night
Candlelight and lingerie
It’s all just for me.

Amanda J:

Loving, buzzing vibe.
In and out, faster, harder.
Pleasure explosion.

Designer sex toys
Or bargain table bullets
You make me happy.

James Deen on TV
Won’t you be inside of me?
Hey, I can pretend.

Inside and outside,
From the front or from behind.
Climax is devine.

Dave W:

Damn you, yoga pants!
Each sidewalk a candy store
My wiener is chafed

It’s all in the wrist
Louder, then muted, and back
My honeypot flows

Today in SOHO
A “model bomb” exploded
I had to wank it


Hello, beautiful,
I noticed you were alone.
You come here often?

Don’t need permission,
Just some spare minutes and an


Watching the TV
Anderson Cooper’s soft hands
My moist kleenex

Good god I’m so bored
If I do the bad thing again
There Will Be Blood

Miss Kay:

A thank you to self-love:
Shagging, knocking boots
Bumpin’ uglies; Thanks for not
making me explain

Ravage fantasies
Threesomes, sultry strangers; With
you a girl can dream


Fire burning hot,
claims I will go to hell
I’ll still touch


Most nights, just fingers
But on special occassions
The rabbit is boss


Lonely heart weeping
Fingers start to wonder down
Heart skipped a beat


A hard day at work-
Commute keeps getting longer-
Pumping Irony.



We only realized today that in our original contest announcement, in which we featured our own top 10 haikus about self-love, we accidentally repeated one. Here’s what should have been in the #4 slot (which we, of course, think is a keeper):

Spanking the monkey
And choking the chicken are
PETA approved acts


  1. I had the pleasure of reviewing the Ina2 a couple of months ago and the improved version is much better.

    The rabbit on the previous model was far too rigid to be comfortable but the later version is soft and flexible for ease of use.

  2. Last chance today for Stephanie to claim her prize. If we don’t hear from her by EOD today, runner-up Dannie will receive the prize!

  3. Congrats, Stephanie! I KNEW your haiku would win as soon as I saw it posted. A gal can try, though! 😀

Comments are closed.