July 31st is National Orgasm Day! While orgasms are like apples — one a day will keep the doctor away — it’s still nice to have one day of the year dedicated to their celebration. Especially if you’re not getting them as often as you’d like or as often as you should be. (Maybe it should be called “National Female Orgasm Day.”) Let today be a reminder that you deserve regular pleasure: if you’re not getting them from your partner, work it out with them; if you don’t have a partner, work it out yourself. Either way, starting today, promise yourself not just more Os, but better Os with these quick and (fairly) easy tips for both women and men:
1. Use fantasy as a booster shot.
Getting your mind in the gutter with outside sexual stimuli, like erotica or porn, can be a great arousal trigger. It can help get you from zero to sixty much faster, helping rid your brain of distracting thoughts like “How am I going to finish that report in time?” or “Did anyone walk the dog?”
2. Lose the routine.
Once you’ve developed a tried and true method of climaxing, alone or with a partner, it’s hard to muster the patience or willpower to give up that direct route between A and Oh for a less traveled, meandering path that may turn out to be a dead end. After all, having just one way to climax is far better than never having an orgasm at all. Plus, some people just have very specific arousal and orgasm patterns. So don’t stress that you “should” be doing it differently – that may just have negative consequences on the orgasms you already do have.
That said, if you believe there’s only one way to climax, then you’ll always climax that one way. And just like a strict diet of Cadbury’s and red wine would eventually lose some of its appeal, so too can your orgasm. So experiment: go slowly, make sure you’re fully aroused before you try something new, and add the kind of stimulation you want to learn to appreciate to the kind that you already do.
But don’t put yourself on an orgasm diet just for the sake of learning a new trick: there’s nothing wrong with ending in the same position every single time, so long as you don’t always start in that position, too.
3. Delay gratification.
If James Joyce could make Molly Bloom’s orgasm last for 45 breathtaking pages in Ulysses, you can probably hold out for an extra minute or two, right? So the next time you’re having fun on your own, don’t go straight there. Bring yourself to the brink (or rather just before the brink), stop, take a breather, switch positions or techniques, resume and repeat. And then try this with a partner, too.
Guys can experiment with more slow and shallow alternatives to pelvic thrusting (which she may actually prefer), alternating intercourse with offering oral sex, gently pulling the testicles away from the body, and perhaps even wearing a love ring.
Delaying gratification will not only ensure that she’s fully aroused (i.e. prepared for orgasm), it will help build sexual tension in both of you, which can intensify eventual orgasms. Plus, when you know your body and have control over when you climax, you can attempt to synch up your orgasms.
4. Spread the love.
Just before, during, and just after your orgasm, you can draw that energy up through your body, rather than keeping it one place, simply by using concentration, focus, and the power of your mind. But if that’s too Eastern for you, you can use a free hand or two (yours or your partner’s) to help sweep waves of pleasure throughout your body, using long, smooth strokes up your belly or your back.
5. Add an accessory.
You know that feeling when you get a new outfit that fits just right, or when you open your new iPhone box? You can replicate that excitement in the bedroom with a new toy! Accessorizing with a pleasure object — like a love ring, a vibrator, a blindfold, a feather tickler, or even just some quality lube — can introduce you to new or more intense sensations that you never knew existed.
6. Just breathe.
Lots of people, especially women, hold their breath when they feel they’re getting close to an orgasm. But that can sabotage your orgasm by throwing your body into self-preservation mode. So let your breathing reflect the intense feelings you’re experiencing and you may find all that heavy huffing in turn makes those feelings even more intense.
7. Build up your pelvic muscles.
This isn’t a quick in-the-moment fix, but rather a daily (or at least weekly) exercise regimen that over time will yield improved orgasms. Yes, we’re talking Kegels. With every day or year that passes, the importance of doing them only increases. Like any other muscle, the pelvic floor muscles can atrophy with age and lack of use. So start contracting and relaxing — on your daily commute, in line at the grocery store, while watching TV…. Soon you’ll notice stronger pelvic contractions during your climax. Click here for more details for both him & her.
Can you only O with the help of a vibe?
10 Steps to Climaxing Sans Sex Toy