2/26/19
I Can Orgasm Easily, What’s Wrong with Me?!
high volt orgasms (image shows voltage meter going off the scale)

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve never been a girl who has difficulty reaching an orgasm.  I started masturbating in college and learned pretty quickly what I like and what I do.  Now when I’m with a guy, I find that I get off — really quickly and really hard.  With my most recent hook-up, we were fully clothed and I came screaming hard.  I’ve read so much about girls not being able to get off and I’m worried that something might be wrong with me.  And I’m also really worried that guys will think that I’m faking.  What should I do?

— Getting Worried About Getting Off

Dear GWAGO,

Now, we try to take every question we get seriously. But come on, this is a joke, right? You can’t possibly be serious!

Okay, okay, we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and trust for the moment that you’re really concerned about this. Our advice: don’t be! You have a gift — enjoy it!

Yes, plenty of women with vaginas have trouble reaching orgasm, especially with a partner — whether because they’re young, they don’t masturbate, their partner isn’t providing the right stimulation, they’re not communicating to their partner what the right kind of stimulation is, they have body image issues, they’re stressed or depressed, they’ve experienced sexual trauma in the past, or their plumbing is a little different. For some heterosexual women — in fact, the majority of hetero women — it can be extra difficult during intercourse since the old in-out often doesn’t provide the kind of clitoral attention they need to reach their happy place. But there are many lucky, lucky women who can reach orgasm fairly effortlessly. This is a good thing.

Now, if you were having spontaneous orgasms every hour — in the middle of an office meeting, during sad movies, while talking to your parents on the phone — then that could be a real problem: a rare but real condition called persistent genital arousal disorder. But you’re simply orgasming easily when you want to — during masturbation and hookups with guys you like. Again, what’s the problem here?

We think most guys will love your enthusiastic reaction to being with them. If you really fear they’ll start thinking you’re too good to be true, simply reassure them that you’re not faking: you just happen to know what you want and your body always cooperates wholeheartedly while your mind doesn’t let any hangups get in the way. To be nice, you could also add that you’re just so turned on by the guy in question, he makes it easy! We’re guessing 99.999% of the time they’ll take your word for it.

Now stop your fretting and go with the flow before you give yourself a hangup!

Em & Lo

I CAN’T Orgasm Easily
What Can I Do?



34 Comments

  1. I feel pretty lucky that I orgasm like a man! Never knew women had so much trouble! Read a article about some women’s vagina’s are wired to orgasm easily! Not complaining here! I orgasm whether it be penetration, external damn I think I have even orgasm in my dreams!

  2. I am SO glad this question was asked! I do the same thing, but have learned to control them (when i want to) through the years. As women, it’s hard to find a friend to ask or talk about this who doesn’t start the convo with “Omg! What are you complaining about? Shut up!”.

    However, from the other side, when something different happens to me, my first instinct used to be feeling ashamed, when i should have been cheering myself on! Now, I realize it’s the social expectations and rules my parents made me believe were the “right” way to behave and act about sex. It took me almost 20 yrs to break free from that inner voice (a voice that sounded a LOT like my super conservative mother’s) telling me if I was really enjoying myself, sexually, that I was doing something bad. I knew what I was enjoying wasn’t wrong, but it was so hard to shake those things that have been taught since we were children. Now, when something I would consider unusual happens, I revel in the marvel of this amazing body I’ve been blessed with!

    Knowledge is power. The fact that most of the women who I know had NO sex ed class in public school, has left us knowing lots about getting our periods, and only what we or our friends and media tell us about the more exciting parts of sex. Even our education system gives the message that ignorance in this subject is acceptable! This is a huge disservice to all of us. I really mention this because I am 39 and thought I learned it all decades ago until the last 5-6 years. I’m still learning things I feel that I should have known all along. And, if i’m still learning things, I figure other women must be as well. We are busy and don’t have the time or energy to stop life and google things like “How to have Multiples”, or “How many types of orgasms can I really have?”. But knowing these things is important! I think with the correct information, all women can live their own version of this question. Why? Because orgasms show you at your most vulnerable, and that can be uncomfortable for women for a multitude of reasons. I feel that a lot of women hold back for fear of whatever….looking stupid, feeling embarrassed at yourself while worrying he will think you’ve peed all over him…. I’m too fat/thin I have stretch marks ….My tits are too big/little. LADIES, let me tell you what I’ve learned men love the most… confidence! The amazing things our bodies can do and are should ALWAYS make us feel proud! Let’s start looking at the amazing abilities our bodies have as gifts, and treasure every one of them!

    I’ve had this same orgasm issue. The hardest thing for me was feeling selfish. However, my husband pointed out the amazing way I currently think, which is…. 1)In our society, it’s a badge of honor for men, while women tend to feel ashamed. 2) both of our bodies are designed differently & to compliment each other during sex. Women, many times, can orgasm faster, more frequently and in a wider variety of ways compared to men, and that’s okay. Actually, it’s more than okay! Our bodies make various lubricants according to the type of
    orgasm we have in order to keep things feeling good and slick, and then goes a step farther and doses this all natural lubricant out in the best feeling way possible throughout the session! We know this is true because women can and do regularly have multiple orgasms from different places, producing various fluids and need very little to no recovery time between. All of those quick O’s are just priming everything to make it feel great for both! 3) We can actually teach our own bodies to do what we want! This means, if you prefer to hold off longer, you can teach yourself to do that by bringing yourself to the edge of orgasm but stopping before. Relax, breathe for a few, then build it back up again. For me personally, my husband drives me crazy this way. And then, when i do finally give myself permission to let loose, the orgasms are usually much stronger.

    I still have to tell myself, normal is a relative term and different for each person; essentially proving there is no such thing as some across the board normal standard, like we tend to think there is. Ladies, we know this, and still worry that our own personal normal, isn’t normal at all. I know everything my body is and can do isn’t normal at all, and it doesn’t have to be. What it is, is perfect. Perfect for me, the same way your body is perfect for you! And, if you have a partner who should ever make you feel less than, self conscious or negative about your natural body functions, girl RUN!! Run as far and fast as you can, until you run into someone with a little maturity… because THAT, my friend would be the only thing here not normal! 😉

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