We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.
I’m 18, and for as long as I can remember, masturbating has never pleased me much…or at all. When I was younger and would get horn,y I’d hump stuff (lol), but after a while of doing that, I would get bored…like, there was no build up of pleasure, it didn’t feel good — but it didn’t feel bad either. It just wasn’t satisfying.
Now that I’m older, I still try to hump pillows/grind on stuff. So even though I’ve never had success with masturbating I never gave up on it. When I touch my clitoris, it doesn’t feel like much…I feel like I’m rubbing my arm or something. I make sure I have plenty of time to myself, make sure that I’m horny, wet (either after reading or watching porn), and I make sure that I WANT to do this…and trust me, I do! I set aside about 30 minutes at the minimum, and I don’t expect much…I don’t obsess over orgasming, I just clear my mind and focus on what feels good. I’ll fantasize. Problem is…nothing feels good. There’s no build up…like, I feel the sensation of me rubbing but it’s not pleasurable nor painful. I end up feeling so sad, and frustrated and feeling like my body is broken so I just stop and go do something else.
I’ve tried direct stimulation, indirect, rubbing fast, slow, soft, hard…and don’t get me started on fingering — I feel nothing. I bought a vibrator and it gives me really weak “orgasms”(they’re so weak…I’m a bit ashamed to even call them orgasms, lol). And it happens so fast, even on the lowest setting…even through my underwear, even if I stop, calm down, and go again (on a scale of 1 to 10 pleasure wise, I’ve probably only managed to get a 4…and it’s not satisfying to me at all). It’s just *boom!* instant orgasm. It’s weak, boring, and really disappointing. I feel some contractions and a small release of energy, but it’s not full body and I feel extremely unsatisfied afterwards and still really horny. I feel like I’m losing hope.
I believe that masturbating can be empowering — to be able to take your own pleasure into your own hands and give you confidence in bed…but for me its doing the opposite. I’m really scared that if I ever get to have sex or even just fool around with a guy the same thing will happen and it’ll become a problem in our relationship. It makes me scared to even consider getting intimate with someone because my body is broken…like, I’d be willing to give, but terrified to receive because I know what will happen. I feel like I shouldn’t even bother looking to be in a relationship until I can get this down because I wouldn’t want my partner to feel like he has to give me an awesome orgasm if I can only manage to give myself weak ones…but to just feel some sort of pleasure would be nice.
I just don’t know what to do anymore and I’ve been trying for years.
— Nothing, Nada, Nil