There were a lot of lessons to be learned from JoJo’s first dates, so let’s dive right in: 1. Have a positive, can-do, lighthearted attitude like Wells. Is DJ Skellington ripped? No, but he’s happy to hang out at the pool in a bathing suit, sans sun shirt. Does he have physical endurance? No, but he […]
It’s baaaaaaaack. The premiere of season 12 of ABC’s The Bachelorette found (the boobs of) Joelle “JoJo” Fletcher bouncing back from being very ceremoniously dumped on national television by milquetoast cousin of Miss Piggy, Ben Higgins, on the last season of The Bachelor. So we’re back to relieve you of some of the guilt you surely […]
The main theme of the third week of Ben Higgin’s season of the The Bachelor — aired on the observation of Martin Luther King, Jr’s birthday — seemed to be not love, but racism. The racism of the female participants, of the show’s producers and of us, the viewers. The Bachelor/ette franchise has long been accused […]
The start of the 4,532nd season of The Bachelor means my wife has reinstated her ongoing Bachelor viewing parties with some of her female friends. Rather than rolling my eyes and hiding out in my non-existent mancave, I crack a beer and settle in next to her on our couch…because I love my wife, because […]
We always get a little case of the post-Bachelor/ette blues when a season comes to an end. Over the course of 3 months, we’ve learned so much about love and lust, what to do, what not to do, who to do, who not to do… At least we have less than a week until “Bachelor […]
1. Male Feminists Are Sexy Within minutes of the show’s opening, host Chris Harrison said “sexist double standard” and we swooned. Later on in the episode, he even referred to “gender roles” when discussing, euphemistically of course, the fact that Kaitlyn slept with Nick before the Fantasy Suites. Every season has its theme, and we […]
In the world of “The Bachelorette,” euphemisms for sex are a dime a dozen — contestants talk about “really being together” and “being alone” and being able to “focus on each other,” when what they really mean is, having sex like bunnies once the cameras are turned off. In that spirit, we will refer to […]
1. Get your hands out of your face. When you’re talking about your romantic feelings to the object of your affection, don’t constantly touch your face and cover your mouth and slur — it makes it seem like you’re hiding something…like you’re a liar and this is your tell (Nick). 2. Have some dignity when […]
1. Cheating on your wife won’t just mess up your marriage — it could seriously impact your future relationships, too. Because at some point, your new girlfriend is going to ask, “So, er, hey, what happened with your marriage?” Then you’re going to have to admit that you cheated on the mother of your child. And the chances […]
If you constantly have to talk about how smart/cool/deep you are to your date, then you are none of those things. As your 9th grade English teacher at Deerfield should have taught you: show, don’t tell. PDA should have some limits. Yes, you’re out and about on an amazing date in a cool […]
Don’t suffer through an outdoor date if the weather is bad. We don’t care if you’ve rented out CitiField for the evening: if it’s colder than a witch’s tit outside, jog once around the bases and then get yourselves inside to a deluxe box and stay there! Adapt to the situation — it’s what helped […]
JJ thought he’d score points with Kaitlyn and the community, oddly, by embracing “bros before hoes” and, we guess, “bros before foes” ideology when he told Clint to apologize, not to her, but to the other guys in the house for being a Bachelorette-bogarting douche. However, all he did was earn the derision of his castmates — […]
The Bachelorette is kicking ass and taking names! Having a baby breakdown because you didn’t get picked for the team? Kaitlyn’ll embarrass you further by calmly telling you to take your ball(s) and go home. Playing hard to get and not paying attention to her on a date? She’ll call you out for the disrespect in […]
The Bachelor/ette franchise may have finally been completely ruined for us last nigth after Amy Schumer’s guest appearance during one of Kaitlyn’s group dates. That’s how brilliant she was, turning the show into what it really should be, what it was meant to be. Schumer was her usual, inappropriately hilarious self, but it’s a testement […]
Last night, during part two of the season premiere, Bachelor Nation quickly learned that the producers had in fact stacked the deck against Britt to ensure Kaitlyn would take her rightful place as The Bachelorette. But even being staunch supporters of the Kaitlyn campaign did not make watching Britt’s unceremonious dismissal enjoyable. The Highlander gimmick […]
Life began again last night with the premiere of ABC’s “The Bachelorette”— or should we say, “The BacheloretteS”? After all, this season’s big twist was pitting last season’s two favorites — Kaitlyn Potty-Mouth Bristowe and Britt Insincerity’s-My-Middle-Name Nillson — against each other in a Highlander-esque cocktail party where they had to outcharm 25 fairly unimpressive […]
