Where Can We Swing with Other Grownups (Minus the A-Holes)?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Some days, we simply don’t have the time, and others — like today — we don’t have a clue. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Yay for crowd-sourcing grownup swinging! Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Dear Em & Lo,

As a married ‘straightish’ couple we have had a very serious love affair for the last 26 years, 25 married. We take pride in our lust for each other and the frequent passionate sex we have. Naturally as we have matured, there have been times we needed to work harder than others to keep the bedtime romps above our 3 times a week threshold (one of us starts to lose it when sex drops below that).

We sleep naked, we shower together and we text and talk dirty fairly often. We’ve had sex in planes, trains, cars, parks, on beaches… Then a few years ago we took a huge risk and visited a Las Vegas sex (swingers) club. It freaked us both out and we ran from it. Then a year ago we tried again at a new venue in NYC called Bowery Bliss.

The first time there was enjoyable enough to both warrant a second visit and to ramp-up our sexual appetite for several weeks after. We were having incredible sex more than 5 times a week. The next few visits were also worthy, with other younger couples gravitating to us and being stunned when they learned of our long marriage and age… then the place changed a bit. The types of couples attending changed too. The sex seemed more mechanical and less passionate… more gratuitous than real sex with real couples. It seemed earlier visits were truer to the rule that woman are in charge and the last two visits were more about guys being guys rather than women being catered to. On one recent visit we didn’t even bother to have sex in the club at all… a first.

We are not sure we will attend that venue again and wonder if we will try anywhere else. So we need to find a way to replace that great experience and hope to find similar adventures somehow.

My wife has high standards when it comes to her sexual satisfaction and activities. Lesbian sex is a big turn on to her and we have yet to find that experience beyond watching porn.

Is there a way or place to find lesbian couples interested in flirting or playing with a bi-sexual woman who is happily married? Are there places like Bowery Bliss that caters to more bisexual and lesbian cliental?

— Mr. and Mrs. Jones

Any thoughts on where Mr. and Mrs. Jones could swing with like-minded grownups, no douches allowed? Leave your suggestions in the comments section below.


  1. NYC Swingers Club…

    Thanks, I think we will have to give that a try next chance we have to get kinky in the City.

  2. Thank you Nikki,

    How do I find out about munches in NYC area?
    We aren’t really swingers, like to be voyeurs & exhibitionists and if things go beyond that we are both very careful of how that proceeds (always for her bi-experience only).

  3. Have you tried meeting couples outside of a sex club setting? I’m not a swinger personally (so take my advice with a grain of salt), but I am somewhat active in my local kink scene. I don’t know where you live, but if you live in a major city, there may be opportunities for you to meet couples in a less pressured environment. It seems like there is a munch for everything these days. I’d suggest going on a site like FetLife and looking for groups that might include the kinds of women you are looking for. Start going to events with other swingers so you can meet people in person in a non-sex club environment. If you’re lucky, you and your wife will meet a woman or a couple with whom you click.

    You could also try using a dating site like OKCupid that allows you to specify that your wife is married and interested in meeting other women.

    Good luck!

    PS – A munch is a social gathering at a “vanilla” setting like a restaurant where kinky people meet and socialize. Traditionally associated with BDSM, munches have both branched out and specialized, with munches geared towards specific kinks, or munches geared towards interests and lifestyles other than BDSM, like polyamory.

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