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Dream Interpretation: My Boyfriend Beat Me

October 30, 2014

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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a dream that I was in a room trying to hide. I hid in the closet and then under the bed my boyfriend came in and took me from under the bed and started to beat on me. Later the scene changed we were in a parking lot in his car and he had told me he’s back to seeing the mother of his child. Only, it wasn’t the one I knew of, it was a new one. He had gotten someone else pregnant and she was going to have a daughter, but I was pregnant also. In the dream I hadn’t told him I was pregnant, but it was weird because as he was telling me he was looking down at my stomach.

Lauri: Hiding in a dream is a tell tale sign there is something in real life you do not wish others, or someone in particular, to know. Hiding under a bed in a dream means this either an issue that keeps you up at night, or it is an issue that involves intimacy. It could even be thoughts or feelings you are keeping to yourself.

Your boyfriend pulls you out and proceeds to beat you in the dream. I really hope this is solely a dream incident and is not reflective of real life. Because if this happens in real life… GET OUT NOW! If it’s only a dream beat down, then this is more likely connected to you beating yourself up over something in regards to your relationship.

In the dream you also wind up in a parking lot, which means something in your life is stuck or on hold at the moment, no longer progressing forward. It’s probably your relationship. The reference to his baby momma tells us this is an issue for you. Maybe there is jealousy there. Or maybe the dynamics of their relationship is an indicator of what you can expect in your relationship with him. Your subconscious mind brought it up because there is something there you need to pay attention to.

His impregnation of someone else most likely symbolizes that he has started up an interest in something that you may be worrying is taking away from you. Also, you have another reference to hiding something at the end of this dream with not telling him about your pregnancy. It sure seems to me that your dream is trying to show you that things will continue to develop and grow, like a pregnancy, if this hidden issue isn’t worked out. Honesty is always the best policy in a relationship. Work this out, sister, before it gets bigger than it is right now.

 

Visit Lauri’s site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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What Straight Guys Really Think About Backdoor Play

October 28, 2014

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most straight guys secretly want to have their bums explored by their girlfriends/wives? Like, even if they don’t admit it, and they’d never ask…deep down, are they curious?

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): When they’re together, straight guys tend to avoid anything that could sound even remotely homosexual. Not even a metro guy will tell his buddies how much he enjoyed the ass-play he got last night. This makes it hard to gauge how many butt-buffs there really are out there, but for me I can easily say no. No curiosity, no secret enjoyment. I’m probably in the minority here, but to me it’s sort of like a stray finger up the nose while making out: not terrible, but not particularly exciting either — just off-target.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie):
I really think this has to do with the guy’s own level of homophobia.¬† If the guy is open-minded and comfortable in his masculinity, then it’s just something else to try in the bedroom.¬† However, I personally know a few guys who are otherwise pretty sexually adventurous, but who feel that any attempted ass play from their partners is a deal-breaker.¬† Of course, these are the same guys who still think it’s funny to make “fag” jokes about each other in public.¬† I think, for guys like this, asking for some anal attention would be too big of a threat to their warped sense of masculinity.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Let’s face it: The prostate is the prostate.¬† Your nerve endings don’t care whether you like to have sex with boys or girls; when something feels good, it feels good.¬† It’s possible that even ten years ago I would have answered differently, but twenty-first century porn has changed my mind: Porn sites where supposedly straight men have sex with other men are wildly successful. And I do think that at least some of these porn actors are straight, or at least straighter than they are gay. So this makes me think that there has to be something intriguing enough to them about the idea to overcome what’s left of the taboo. And this is with other men! So if very experimental straight men are willing to let other men explore their bums, then yes, I suspect that your average straight man is definitely interested in having his female partner explore his bum — even if he won’t admit it.

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Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week‚Äôs Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish.¬†To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Your Call: Can He Skip the Couples Costume This Halloween?

October 27, 2014

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photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader.  

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
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Dear Em & Lo,

My girlfriend wants to do a couple’s costume for Halloween this year. I don’t. I think it’s cheesy and annoying. But I know how happy it would make her. Still, I really don’t want to. Can I stand my ground or am I just being a jerk, especially if I’m going to dress up anyway?

A Reluctant Clyde to Her Bonnie

 

What should ARCTHB do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

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The 10 Saddest Things About Being Single

October 24, 2014

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by Shireen Dadkhah for YourTango.com  |  photo via flickr

Trust me, you don’t understand what it means to be lonely.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve watched my friends pair off. Temporarily and fleetingly in high school, longer and more lasting in college, and now, permanently. Throughout it all, I’ve remained single. Too shy, too insecure, too…whatever. I got used to my role as the Single One‚ÄĒI was even okay with it. As an introvert, I not only like my alone time, I need it. But, somewhere along the line, I stopped just being single and started being lonely. Most days I’m both. And try as my paired up friends might, they don‚Äôt seem to fully understand what it’s like to watch everyone around you fall in love. They don’t understand what it means to be lonely. So let me tell you.

1. You are nobody’s first priority. Between boyfriends and girlfriends and spouses and kids and church, there’s always someone before you on the priority list. I don’t have that one person I come home to at the end of the day, with whom I share all the mundane details of my life. So I parse them out between friends and family, sometimes oversharing because I just need someone to validate my existence. I’m not saying it’s wrong that I’m not the top priority (of course family should come first). But for the perpetually alone sometimes it’d be nice to be first. Just once. Just for a day.

2. Physical touch is a thing for other people. When you’re not part of a couple and you’re living alone, physical touch goes out the window. And not just sexy, intimate touches. I’m talking mundane, everyday, almost-no thought-put-into-them touches. Last week, I realized it had been months since I‚Äôd been touched by another person. For as much as I value and need alone time, nothing is more isolating than realizing no one has touched you in over a month. Nothing.

3. Jealousy is green and ugly and real. I don’t want to be a jealous person. I don’t like being a jealous person. But when the loneliness is overwhelming and all-consuming, I can’t help it. I can’t help but be jealous of the fact that other people have someone to come home to‚ÄĒthat they have the occasional unthinking brush of hands and take so much for granted.

4. There’s physical pain associated with being lonely. It’s not something you know until you’ve experienced it, and it’s hard to describe. But it actually hurts to be lonely. It’s an ache in your chest, a heaviness that you can’t shake, a longing that only the touch of another person can soothe.

5. Being the third wheel sucks. No matter how much I like my friends’ significant other (and really, they’re great!), I don‚Äôt want to be the third or fifth wheel. A little part of me dies every time I have to plaster a smile on my face and joke to the waiter that the bill is going to be split, “Two, two, and me. Just me.”

6. Friendship isn’t enough. This one is hard. I have an outstandingly good group of friends and family, but as much as I want them to be (and as much they wish they could be), they aren’t enough. I’ve tried really hard to make them enough, but it’s like forcing a puzzle piece into a spot it doesn’t belong. You can push and push and push, but it’s never going to quite sit right.

7. Everyone is part of a couple. Or maybe it just seems that way when you’re not. But from my point of view, everywhere I look, I see couples. Even events are geared towards couples. Have you ever tried cooking for one? It’s not pretty.

8. The grass isn’t greener. Stop telling me how you’d love to have some peace and quiet or a night where no one touches you. Because that’s not what I’m talking about. There is a profound, bone-deep difference between “alone time” and being lonely. Comparing the two or romanticizing something I consider painful undermines my feelings and makes me hate you a tiny bit.

9. This isn’t a “lifestyle” choice. Plenty of folks choose to be single. Nobody chooses to be lonely. That’s part of the problem. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this. But it’s not something I can fix on my own.

10. No one gets it. It‚Äôs kind of like the Dead Dad’s Club. (Please lower your pitchforks and allow me to explain.) Until you lose your dad, you don‚Äôt know what it’s like. You can sympathize and you can think, “Oh, that’s really sh*tty,” but you can’t really empathize. And it’s true for loneliness, too. Unless you’ve experienced it‚ÄĒunless you know what true, deep, painful loneliness is like‚ÄĒyou don’t get it. And, well, that just makes things all the more lonely, doesn’t it?

This post originally appeared on YourTango



Dream Interpretation: On a Beach, Everyone Had a Giant Penis

October 23, 2014

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photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

i had a dream where i went to a beautiful beach and was enjoying the scenic sunset beauty. suddenly, i got shocked by seeing a naked guy go for a swim in the sea. he had an amazing big penis. aroused, i smiled and ogled at him for a little while. then, i got up to go out for a walk along the waterline. many people were enjoying the evening. i found many guys sitting naked or semi-naked. they were all in various activities – all relaxing in their own way, some sitting and lazying, some reading, some sprawled out. notable was that all of them had big penises. some of them had limp penises and some were erect… but all of them were big… i remember thinking, hey in this part of city, all the guys have big penises.

Lauri:¬†I have this suspicion that many of Em & Lo’s readers would like to know in what city your dream took place! Anyhoo, as delightfully phallic as your dream is, it is really all about you.

The beach setting and the nakedness are all about freedom and getting things out in the open. In real life have you recently gotten something off your chest or opened up about something? Penises in dreams tend to be connected to one’s assertiveness and ability to “stand firm” about certain issues. And usually the bigger something is in a dream the bigger a deal it is in real life.

So what I am getting from this dream is that you may have recently “grown a pair,” so to speak, and “stood up” for yourself in some way… in a BIG way. And in doing so, it brought about a certain sense of freedom, which is great! Because when we hold things in or don’t stand up for ourselves, we become imprisoned by fear and worry.

Life’s too short for that nonsense. Live life in a big way while you’re here. And your dream suggests you are doing just that!

Dreamer’s Response: the interpretation is bang on … i am going through a tough phase of life, which is making me take a lot of tough decisions. i am a very emotional person, and generally avoid taking such tough stances… but, i did take the decision to put an end to a toxic relationship and friendships. my boyfriend and friends, were taking me and my friendship for granted. this year, i evaluated the space they were giving me and decided that i was bettter off alone, than being in the company of people who were making me feeling less than what i was and were not appreciating me… so i bid goodbye to long-standing friendships and that was taking a toll on me. i decided to begin anew and invest my emotions more carefully than what i had done in the past and have been hurt pretty badly.

 

Visit Lauri’s site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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What It Means When a Man Won’t Cuddle or Hold Hands

October 21, 2014

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photo via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “If the guy I’ve started dating recently isn’t into cuddling or hand-holding, is that automatically a sign that he’s just not that into me, or are some guys just not into private or public displays of affection, no matter whether they’re in love or not?”

Straight Married Guy (Fred): I’ve heard that some men just aren’t into displaying affection.¬† That’s lame and I think they are idiots. But I suspect there really aren’t that many of them.¬† If a guy doesn’t want to cuddle he probably doesn’t want you to feel like he’s your boyfriend.¬† He doesn’t want you to get too close, too fast.¬† Similarly, he could argue that he doesn’t want to lead you on.¬† Hand-holding for many guys is reserved for monogamous relationships.¬† It is a public signal that he is taken.¬† But, I also suspect that if Jennifer Lawrence or Scarlett Johansson wanted to hold his hand he’d be very willing and happy to display to the world “I’m doing her!”¬† So… he’s not that into you.¬† But he may only need more time to get where you are.

Gay Married Guy (Jon): Me, I’m a touchy-feely kind of guy. If I’m digging someone, I let them know it, physically, in as many ways as possible.¬† After some good, or even mediocre sex, there’s nothing better than a nice cuddle to cap off the experience. However, my hubby isn’t so lovey-dovey. He gets hot very quickly and basically endures it for my sake for as long as he can, which usually amounts to about 45 seconds. It used to bother me, but I’ve realized it’s just a quirk of his and really has no bearing on how he feels about me. So I wouldn’t read too much into it if your man isn’t a cuddle bug or or happy hand holder. Ask him, or just give him some time. There are dozens of reasons why he may be just not that into it, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not into you.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): It is entirely possible that your guy is not ever going to show affection for you in public no matter how much he thinks he likes you. Unfortunately, though, this is more often the conscious or unconscious manifestation of him just not being that into you. So you have to look for other signs. Give it some time and try hard not to confuse love with lust. New relationships are often mostly lust disguised as love. Sometimes love follows, and sometimes it doesn’t, but you should give it a chance. If he treats you fantastically all the time and simply isn’t holding your hand or kissing you in public, it may be genuine shyness. But if the public displays of affection are just one more thing in the list of affectionate things he isn’t doing, then it may be time to look elsewhere… That is, unless the sex is fantastic.

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Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Dream Interpretation: I Cheated on Hubby with My Abusive Ex

October 16, 2014

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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Yesterday while taking a nap, I found myself dreaming that my ex-boyfriend showed up at my home and I proceeded to cheat on my husband with him. (Side note, my ex-boyfriend was both emotionally and physically abusive and cheated on me several times during our relationship. Plus, we broke up nearly 6 years ago and I’m now happily married with two beautiful daughters.)

Anyway, in the dream we had amazing sex (he wasn’t that good in real life). Shortly after, however, my husband, a friend of ours, and some other people showed up. I wasn’t caught by anyone, but I felt horrible. I kept saying over and over, “I can’t believe I cheated on him. I would never do something like this. I love my husband.” I really felt horrible, and wanted to keep this a secret, but I knew my husband would find out, regardless of whether I told him or not. Of course, our friend saw my ex there and wondered why he was there.

I finally yelled at my ex and told him to get the f*** out of my house. He left, and I felt terrible. I woke myself up and was extremely thankful it was just a dream. I don’t like thinking about my ex, but this dream has disturbed me significantly. Usually when I dream about him, he is always trying to get back with me (which he did in reality for years after we split), and I always tell him to leave me alone, I’m in love with my husband. I just want to know what this dream means, so maybe I won’t have this dream anymore.

Lauri: Unfortunately, when you get out of an abusive relationship, you are never fully out of it, because the emotional scars remain and will show up in your dreams. The element of feeling horrible about cheating on your hubby with your abusive ex is a tell-tale sign that remnants of that relationship show up every now and then and affect your marriage.

Do you still have trust issues? Do you have a difficult time handling arguments with hubby? What sort of behaviors do you sometimes exhibit that stem from when you were in the abusive relationship? Odds are, around the time you had this dream something must have happened, you must have said something or behaved in a manner that made you feel guilty, which is why you had so much guilt in the dream. Just as you said, “I would never do this to my husband” in the dream, what did you do or say in real life that is not like you? Did you sneak a look at his phone? Did you get irrational in an argument? Whatever it is, you are fully aware that were it not for that abusive relationship, you never would have done it.

The way you tell him to get the f*** out of your house in the dream is really you demanding that he get the f*** out of your psyche because clearly, as evidenced by this dream, he is still “screwing” with you psychologically rather than physically. He’s not in your life anymore but emotional scars from him are.

If this is a frequent thing, I would urge you to get help with it. Far too often past relationships continue to play an unhealthy role in current relationships because we haven’t been able to fully let go of the pain, the fear, the distrust, etc. I have partnered with a psychologist and we specialize in this sort of issue. If you are interested in getting help, we can help you in just one to three sessions, as opposed to months of therapy. You can find out more at DreamingtoHealing.com.

 

Visit Lauri’s site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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Your Call: Should She Stay or Should She Go?

October 16, 2014

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photo via Flickr

We get a lot of¬†advice questions¬†coming in at¬†EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can‚Äôt answer them all. Which is why,¬†once a week, we turn to you to¬†decide how best to advise a reader. We seem to be getting a lot of bad boyfriend letters lately — maybe these women just need to hear your Greek Chorus in order to do what needs to be done. Say it in unison in the comments section below.¬†

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
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Readers,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. Our relationship has been quite rocky from the start and he treated me really badly in the beginning.
Our relationship initially started as a long distance one and I had to move countries and give up my studies to be with him. Before moving I asked him about his past and very specifically asked him all the things that I considered a deal breaker – being gay was one of them, so I asked him if he had ever been into guys and he told me he was absolutely straight (which later turned out to be a lie).

Because of the difficulties of integrating our lives together after me moving to be with him, we fought a lot and he was incredibly mean and verbally abusive (at times he pushed me around too. At that point I hated him and wanted to get away from him. He would pester me for sex, but I refused because of the way he treated me. I still don’t want to be intimate with him because I have son underlying anger towards him.

A year ago we moved to London and our relationship improved a bit after me establishing firm boundaries – I still struggle with intimacy though (I also struggle with this because I have been raped in the past). One evening my boyfriend came home drunk and blurted out that he is bisexual and wants to have sex with other men. I had a sneaky suspicion that he had a crush on a guy at work and was trying to get me to have a threesome with another guy, which I obviously found as a shock.

The next day we chatted about this and as it turns out he had a year long relationship with another guy (before we got together). I asked him how he managed to have sex with another man and he said that it was very pleasurable and that he was attracted to both men and women, but wanted to be in a relationship with a woman. I felt really betrayed that he lied to me. I uprooted my entire life to move to the opposite side of the world to be with him. I told him everything about my past and gave him the option of leaving if he didn’t feel comfortable with MY past, but yet he couldn’t afford me the same honesty.

I have tried to talk to him about this, but he constantly changes his story and refuses to speak about this. We very nearly broke up.

Then he started talking in his sleep sexually about other men – I heard him say:’I wanna fuck your arse full’ and started nattering about a tall, blonde elegant guy…I was traumatized by this. He was having either a physical or emotional affair with some guy. He denied this flat out saying that I was going mad. I’m really struggling with this and don’t know whether I should hang around.

We love each other and have been through a lot to be together, but I don’t know whether to trust him or not. He has told me that he isn’t gay, but I know I’m running a massive risk by staying with him.

I’m so sad and angry. I have no idea how to deal with this. When I think of him with another man I feel quite disgusted (I’m not homophobic – I just don’t want to deal with this confusion).

He tells me that he loves me, but is this enough?

Ps: This is a wonderful thread and everyone’s input has been thought provoking and intelligent, hence me reaching out to you all. Please help me cope with this. I don’t know what to do and my heart is struggling terribly with this.

Thanks so much,

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

 

What should SISOSIG do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

 

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10 Reasons Why a Dirty House Is Good for Your Marriage

October 15, 2014

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photo via flickr

For the record, we both love a tidy house. We love a clean, well-lighted place in which to read a book or work on a hilarious and/or enlightening post for this blog. Dirty, messy houses can be annoying, stressful, and, yes, smelly. But sometimes, it simply can’t be helped. And when it can’t, stressing about your messy house just makes a bad day worse. So here, to make your bad day just a little bit better, we offer up ten reasons why your dirty house might just be good for your marriage.

And just to clarify: When we say that a dirty house is “good for your marriage,” we mean that it’s good for any long-term cohabitation situation. But you try fitting that into a snappy article headline!

1. You Avoid Chore Imbalance Resentment

There’s something incredibly peaceful and almost zen-like about falling asleep in an immaculate and pristine bedroom. Unless, of course, you cleaned the entire house yourself and have done every day since you said “I do” and your spouse never so much as puts their socks in the laundry basket or comments on how nice the place looks. That sort of resentment can keep you up all night, and in all the wrong ways!

2. You Have Time and Energy Left Over for Each Other

Cleaning is hard labor, even harder, often, than convincing your three-year-old to eat green vegetables. (There’s a reason, after all, that cleaning services often cost way more than childcare!) And climbing into bed after a day of office work followed by a few hours of cleaning — or after a day of cleaning on your so-called “day off” — can feel like the finish line in a race you never signed up for. If you instead skip the cleaning and leave all the dirty dishes in the sink, even occasionally, you might just feel like knocking boots… or even simply having a conversation about something more meaningful than deciding which show to watch.

3. You Feel Young and Reckless

Remember the kind of squalor you lived in during college or your early twenties? (If you’re the kind of person who baked cookies and owned a dusting cloth in college, then this article is probably not for you!) Letting your house return to that state sometimes can be freeing. You’ll feel like you’re embracing life and what’s important in it — namely, people over dust bunnies. And that can be pretty sexy.

4. You Can Have Messy Kitchen Sex

What’s more fun: Lying back on your immaculate and empty kitchen table for some by-the-book sex because you know you’re supposed to do it outside the bedroom sometimes… or pushing aside dirty dishes and pushing silverware to the floor and having screw-it-we’ll-clean-up-later sex?

5. It’s a Bonding Experience

Marriage can sometimes devolve into a kind of ping-pong game where you take it in turns being annoyed at each other for tiny, domestic infractions — like forgetting to remove muddy shoes before entering the house, or forgetting to pay a bill, or forgetting to put the wet laundry into the dryer. But if you agree, together, to let the house go for a day or a week or whatever, this messy state of affairs will mask all the other stuff you normally get annoyed at.

6. You Realize Some Things Can Wait

Living with a messy house gives you perspective. You’ll realize that the earth does not stop spinning on its axis simply because ¬†you left a pile of unfolded laundry in the middle of the TV room, or you didn’t empty the trash and the house smells like tuna casserole the next morning. Life goes on, and on your deathbed, you will definitely not think, “I wish I’d emptied the trash cans more often.” This kind of revelation can do wonders for the way you treat your spouse.

7. You Gain a New Appreciation for What You Each Do

Taking some time off from domestic chores will make you each realize how much you do around the house. Even if you feel like you do, say, 90% of the household chores, we’re pretty sure there’s a lot your spouse does that you simply don’t notice anymore. (And vice versa, of course!)

8. You Can Stay in the Moment

A clean house can be just as stressful as a messy one. Imagine this: You’re sitting in your supposedly spotless kitchen, trying to listen to your spouse tell you about their day, and you suddenly notice a dust bunny you missed earlier, or a glass you forgot to put in the dishwasher before turning it on, or a pile of newspapers you forgot to put out, and — hold everything — tomorrow is trash pickup day. You find yourself multitasking, finishing these little tasks, and only half-listening to the love of your life. Hey, how about you sit down and really listen, instead? Sure, sometimes you can show love by making your love nest cozy and clean — but other times, it’s more important to sit down and simply be there.

9. You Might Lose Your Cellphone or the TV Remote

And then think of all the meaningful conversations you’ll be forced to have!

10. You Won’t Invite Friends Over

When you’ve been with someone a long time, it’s really easy to over-schedule your social life — to plan dinner parties and football-watching parties and book clubs and playdates and Tupperware-style sex toy parties and… well, you get the idea. But when your abode is verging on squalid, shame makes you hole up together and enjoy each other’s company. ¬†Let’s hope you still have something to say to each other besides, “Have you seen the remote?”

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Why Guys Are So Obsessed with the Twin Thing

October 14, 2014

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s the deal with fantasizing about twins? (Coors Lite twins, Hef’s twins, etc.) How come the whole implied incest thing — a.k.a. “Twincest,” thanks,¬†Gone Girl! — isn’t a turn-off?

Straight Single Guy (Colin): I think, for some men, having a set of twins is the American Dream. An international friend once told me that you can make anything American by just adding more. With this perceptive logic, a fantasy of one beautiful girl instantly becomes as epic as the untamed West, as landing on the moon, as the California Gold Rush, as soon as you add a second copy of the same girl. I think we all understand that most threesomes we fantasize about involve some enjoyable spectating of girl-on-girl, but when it comes to twins, the fantasy is strictly about us-on-them (or vice versa). They’re seeing each other naked, but I think we can all get over that if it means living the life our forefathers fought for. It’s a patriotic fantasy really.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): This isn’t a fantasy I ever really think about, but when it’s brought up — sure, hot twins sound great! And because it’s a fantasy, we don’t care about the implied incest, or the implied next-morning awkwardness or anything else other than the sex. I guess in this case I think less about the fact that they’re sisters as much as I’m thinking two identical hot girls catering to my every whim. What’s better than that? (Besides hot triplets, of course.) Read the rest of this entry »