TV
Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelorette” (San Antonio)

Don’t suffer through an outdoor date if the weather is bad. We don’t care if you’ve rented out CitiField for the evening: if it’s colder than a witch’s tit outside, jog once around the bases and then get yourselves inside to a deluxe box and stay there! Adapt to the situation — it’s what helped […]

Top 5 Love Lessons from The Bachelorette (Kaitlyn Takes NY)

  JJ thought he’d score points with Kaitlyn and the community, oddly, by embracing “bros before hoes” and, we guess, “bros before foes” ideology when he told Clint to apologize, not to her, but to the other guys in the house for being a Bachelorette-bogarting douche. However, all he did was earn the derision of his castmates — […]

Top 6 Sex Ed Lessons from The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette is kicking ass and taking names! Having a baby breakdown because you didn’t get picked for the team? Kaitlyn’ll embarrass you further by calmly telling you to take your ball(s) and go home. Playing hard to get and not paying attention to her on a date? She’ll call you out for the disrespect in […]

Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelorette” (Kaitlyn’s First Dates)

The Bachelor/ette franchise may have finally been completely ruined for us last nigth after Amy Schumer’s guest appearance during one of Kaitlyn’s group dates. That’s how brilliant she was, turning the show into what it really should be, what it was meant to be. Schumer was her usual, inappropriately hilarious self, but it’s a testement […]

The Forthcoming Slut-Shaming of the Bachelorette

Last night, during part two of the season premiere, Bachelor Nation quickly learned that the producers had in fact stacked the deck against Britt to ensure Kaitlyn would take her rightful place as The Bachelorette. But even being staunch supporters of the Kaitlyn campaign did not make watching Britt’s unceremonious dismissal enjoyable. The Highlander gimmick […]

Top 5 Love Lessons from “The BacheloretteS” (Kaitlyn & Britt’s Season Premiere)

Life began again last night with the premiere of ABC’s “The Bachelorette”— or should we say, “The BacheloretteS”? After all, this season’s big twist was pitting last season’s two favorites — Kaitlyn Potty-Mouth Bristowe and Britt Insincerity’s-My-Middle-Name Nillson — against each other in a Highlander-esque cocktail party where they had to outcharm 25 fairly unimpressive […]

The Best of #DescribeYourSexLifeInATvShow

We love it when Twitter puts its collective hive mind in the gutter: Today’s top trending hashtag is #DescribeYourSexLifeInATvShow. Here are some of the best: Faking It #DescribeYourSexLifeInATvShow — (@destoomuch) April 21, 2015 Leave it to Beaver #DescribeYourSexLifeInATvShow — Stacey Gaskin (@Stacey_Gaskin) April 21, 2015 #describeyoursexlifeinatvshow naked and afraid — Johnny Hammersticks (@DanielsonKelley) June 19, […]

Making a Bad Show Worse: Turning “The Bachelorette” Into “Highlander”

photos via ABC.com Well, we’ve made it through another season of The Bachelor. The editors cut the footage with a heavy hand to make us think Chris would ultimately think with his dick and pick the distant, unamused, hot virgin, Becca, instead of the much more sensible choice, Iowa-loving, family-embracing, 100% gung-ho, baby-talking (in ALL senses […]

Top 10 Life Lessons from “The Bachelor” (The Women Tell All)

via The Bachelor’s Twitter feed Last night, we came to the cat fight portion of the season with “The Women Tell All” episode of The Bachelor, in which producers gather together all rejected participants in a room with a live studio audience to watch — and defend — their most humiliating, offensive, mean-spirited and basically […]

Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelor” (Iowa + Hometowns)

from “The Bachelor’s” hysterical Twitter feed It’s kind of ironic that “Fifty Shades of Grey,” with its helipads and helicopters and gliders and penthouses and fancy cars, came out the same weekend “The Bachelor” aired its least glamorous episodes ever, featuring the scent of manure in the air, the shuttered businesses of a 400-person town, the […]