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Will Eric Bigger Be The Next Bachelor? He Probably Should Be.

With hometown dates complete, we all said a sad goodbye to “Bachelorette” favorite Dean Unglert and wrapped our brains around the fact that one of the remaining men might be Rachel Lindsay’s future husband (or at least a temporary boyfriend). But more importantly (sorry Rach), one of the men will probably be the next “Bachelor.” Dean is out, since he’s slated […]

TV
The Silver Linings of Survivor’s Public Trans Outing

Last night on Survivor, during a desperate attempt to throw a fellow competitor under the bus to save his own skin at tribal council, Jeff Varner outed Zeke Smith as a transgender man — seemingly forgetting that it wasn’t just six other players cut off from society who’d hear the news, but potentially millions. Zeke had […]

TV
Why the New Frank Sex Talk on “The Bachelor” Is More Helpful Than Harmful

There was a time in Bachelor history when fantasy suite sex was never mentioned outright, it was only hinted at. Those hints grew more blunt over the years: cameras were let into the bedrooms of the suites for a bit, mics were left on longer. But in honor of at least the illusion of class, […]

Pop Culture
The Light Touch of Love in “Moonlight”

– A Review of the Best Cinematic Love Story This Year –  By now you’ve heard about the royal fuck up at the 2017 Oscars: the presenters of the Best Picture award got the wrong envelope (the one pronouncing Emma Stone as Best Actress for La La Land), they announced La La Land as the winner […]

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Love Lesson from “The Bachelor”: We’re All Totally Alone in This World

Last night on “The Bachelor,” Nick said goodbye to three ladies: Dolphin/Shark Girl, the bisexual who matches her lipstick to her nail color, and the one with the My First Extensions — basically everyone with a sense of humor. No wonder the rest of the episode was just one big cry fest! The crew left the […]

How To
Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelor” (Trump’s First Week in Office)

The cast of The Bachelor left the freezing cold of Waukesha, Wisconsin — hometown of Nick and the two little girls who stabbed their best friend 19 times in a delusional Slenderman ritual — and traveled to the swamps of New Orleans to continue their journey to find out how long their hair extensions could hold up […]

TV
Bachelor Contestants Are Like Trump Voters

After the historic Women’s March this past weekend (and that little, tiny thing called The Inauguration), we couldn’t help but watch this week’s Bachelor with a sense of depression — or should we say, an even greater sense of depression than normal? The women on this show (except for maybe the reasonable Rachel this season) don’t […]

Pop Culture
Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelor” (Whipped Cream)

It’s tempting to turn this Bachelor column into an ongoing tutorial on how not to be an adult-baby like Corinne. For instance: don’t brag about being a 24-year-old with your own personal live-in nanny*; don’t have a nanny, period; don’t make fantastic claims about the happiness of those in the service industry (especially those paid to serve you); master […]

Pop Culture
Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelor” (Corinne IS Trump)

Last night’s episode of The Bachelor saw the first of the dreaded group dates — harem outings in which contestants are forced to humiliate themselves publicly while often scantily clad or even naked. Think city-street tractor-racing in bikinis, or mud wrestling. People with stage fright, body self-consciousness or healthy self-respect usually have a difficult time […]

Pop Culture
Top 10 Love Lessons from “The Bachelor” (Nick’s Season Premiere!)

It’s been a long, hard slog getting through the shit storm that was 2016. The only light at the end of this turd tunnel has been the promise of a new season of The Bachelor. As one friend who has been bracing for the Trumpocalypse put it last week: “The prospect of Batch is literally keeping […]

TV
The 10 Most NORMAL Sex Scenes from “American Horror Story”

American Horror Story trades in sex and blood, blood and sex — often at the same time. Whether it’s a vampire orgy with throat slitting or a BDSM porno with un-consensual dismemberment, AHS likes to mix “little deaths” with big death. And don’t even get us started on all the rape. So it’s a breath of fresh air […]

Pop Culture
Our Snarky Summary of the First Presidential Debate

On Monday, September 26th, 2016, at 9pm EST, the Republican and Democratic nominees for President of the United States, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton respectively, came together for their first debate (transcript here). About 100 million people watched the Gathering, when a stroke of a sword would release the power of the Quickening. In the end, there can […]

TV
This TV Show Actually Exists: Expose Your Genitals, Get a Date (WTF?)

What? Tinder’s too slow for you? You’re fine with judging by surface attraction (after all, didn’t Oscar Wilde say only shallow people did otherwise?), but there’s still all that meeting and small talk and general dithering before you get to the Netflix and chill part of  the evening. Wouldn’t you just like to cut to […]

TV
#7FavTVShows…About Sex

1. Girls   2. The L Word   3. Orange Is the New Black   4. Masters of Sex   5. Sex and the City   6. True Blood   7. Bachelor in Paradise   Where’s “Game of Thrones” you ask? Why GOT Didn’t Make the Cut

TV
Asking for Permission to Marry a Woman Is Total Effing Bulls*&t!

Is it the 21st century? Is a woman about to become President of the United States? Do all the best crime dramas feature women in the lead roles (Marcella, Happy Valley, The Fall, The [Swedish] Bridge, The Bletchley Circle…the list goes on)? Yes, women still don’t make the same as men yet — yet — but we’ve come […]

How To
Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelorette” (Thailand Fantasy Suites)

  1. Beware of perfect morning hair.  You can’t have uninhibited sex if you’re worried about messing up your hair (Robby). A aerosol-sprayed, rock-solid coif in the early A.M. after a night of supposed boot-knocking betrays a depth of vanity that rivals Donald Drumpf’s. Intimacy includes being and looking vulnerable: messy hair, no makeup, the […]