As we say in our book (now on sale for less than ten bucks!), 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink, “Being kinky might mean bringing props into the bedroom, it might mean acting out dark fantasies, it might even mean wearing something absolutely ridiculous — but then again, being kinky might just mean using a swear word or two when you’re makin’ lurve.” However you define it, we would like you to make the coming year a slightly kinkier year than this one (a task which should be pretty easy if you’ve never brought a prop or a dirty word to bed… slightly harder if you already have a gimp suit in the basement). Here are some kinky resolutions to nudge you in the right direction, whatever your starting point — our book 150 Shades of Play offers more details about how to accomplish all ten.

1. Share a Fantasy

Tell your partner about one thing that turns you on… and tell them during sex. Tell it like a story — a really dirty story. It could be a position you’d like to try, a toy you’d like to use on your partner, a fantasy you’d like to enact, something you’d like to wear, a sexy dream you keep having at night, or simply a story you’d like to tell together while you have sex. But remember, you don’t have to share all your fantasies — some are best (and hottest) when kept to yourself.

2. Switch Roles

If your partner normally initiates sex, then vow to be the one doing all the initiating for a month. If your partner always cuffs you, then cuff them for a change. If your partner does all the talking, speak up for a change. If your partner’s the bottom, hand over the whip. Etc.

3. Be Safe

Resolve to be safe when you kink it up — this might mean staying sober when you’re trying out nipple clamps, using velcro cuffs instead of the police-issue kind, using a safe word when you’re experimenting out of your kinky comfort zone, or simply checking in with each other after a particularly intense bout of roleplaying or spanking. There’s more — so much more! — about all the various safety aspects of kink in our new book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.

4. Try Something That Makes You Uncomfortable

We don’t think that sex should consistently make you uncomfortable, but there are certainly benefits to stepping out of your comfort zone every now and then. Remember how Anastasia had “hard limits” and “soft limits” in Fifty Shades of Grey? (You can read more about these limits in 150 Shades of Play). Sure, Christian Grey was a bit pushy in encouraging her to test those limits, but he was right that she’d enjoy herself. Much better, though, to be your own pushy Mr. Grey. For example, perhaps the idea of talking dirty in bed makes you want to hide under a table and rock gently back and forth. In which case, we happen to think that February is an awesome month to overcome this phobia (whatever your particular angst, our book, 150 Shades of Play, can probably help you best it).

5. Try Something That Makes You Laugh

There’s a lot about kink that cracks us up — the gimps, the spanking skirts, the dungeon monitors, the leashes. But sometimes forcing yourself to get past your desire to laugh can lead to some pretty hot sex. And doing something “for a laugh” gives you permission to go for it — whether it’s having sex in a wig or  roleplaying nurse and patient or wrestling each other naked. The worst thing that can happen is that you’re laughing too much to have an orgasm… which isn’t the worst way to spend an evening. And the best? Let’s just say you’ll never look at a hospital gown in the same way again.

6. Learn a New Skill

Yes, we said “learn.” We know there are purists out there who think that the best sex occurs naturally, spontaneously, and without any props or planning. We say, dry spells occur pretty naturally, too. Besides, what’s so unsexy about putting a little effort and forethought into your sex life? 150 Shades of Play can teach you numerous new saucy skills, from tying bondage knots to spanking ’til it hurts so good.

7. Invest in One Decent New Prop

We don’t care what it is, we want you to spend money on at least one new kinky item for your bedroom this year — a tasseled suede whip, perhaps, or silky cuffs, or a vibrating couples’ ring. If you need an excuse, then get your partner something for Valentine’s Day.

8. Go D.I.Y.

Scope out your home for household items that can be repurposed for kinky ends — a wooden spoon is a cane, a spatula or icing spreader is a slapper, clothespins are clamps, a ping pong paddle is a butt paddle, a tie is a blindfold… as they say in the biz, you’re looking for something that’s “pervertible.” Get many more D.I.Y. ideas in 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.

9. Speak Up!

Say a little more in the bedroom. Or just say everything a little differently. Experiment with dirty talk (150 Shades of Play can teach you how), say what you really want, pick a safeword so you can pretend to say no, send dirtier texts, and leave scandalous voicemails.

10. Don’t (Always) Be Yourself

Monogamy can be a slog — do your partner a favor and be a little different in the bedroom every now and then. This might be as simple as just being a little pushier (or a little more compliant) than you usually are in the sack. Or it could be as complicated as donning an outfit and an accent and playing a role — especially for you former theater majors.

150 Shades of Grey: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink is on sale now!