Did you know that the Serenity Prayer can be applied to your sex life? (“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”) Well, here are the six things about sex that you cannot change — accepting this list will save you and your partner a lot of unnecessary grief.
1. The fact that your boyfriend likes to look at porn.
You may not like it or understand it, but if you try to put a ban on it, he’ll probably just start lying. “I used to hate him looking at porn, which just made me suspicious all the time and him secretive,” says a friend of ours in her early thirties. “But once I realized that it’s just a fantasy, like the vampire novels I’m addicted to, I let it go.” You can certainly try to encourage your partner to consume female-friendly porn, porn that you might even enjoy yourself. At the very least, you can set up some reasonable rules about him keeping it out of your space and sight.
2. The position of the clitoral head.
It’s pretty far away from the vaginal opening, which is a big reason why many women don’t reach orgasm during intercourse: they just don’t get enough of the right kind of stimulation. There are various things you can do to increase the attention it gets during the old in-and-out, but don’t sweat it if intercourse is not the best route to your happy place.
3. Other facts about your genital anatomy.
Just because the G-spot is the latest trend in sexual exploration, doesn’t mean you’ll actually like having your G-spot stroked. Or perhaps your inner labia are longer than your outer labia — not what you necessarily see in your boyfriend’s airbrushed dirty mags. So what? Everyone is different! Embrace what you’ve got and don’t even think about crazy stuff like G-spot injections or labiaplasty.
4. What turns you on.
As long as your sexual fantasies don’t prevent you from having healthy relationships, then there is no “right” or “wrong”, there’s only what turns you on — and what doesn’t. One survey found that bondage, sadomasochism, voyeurism and exhibitionism are the most common sexual fantasies. So don’t be embarrassed about what’s in your head — enjoy your fantasies!
5. Your gag reflex.
If you can’t deep throat, don’t force it; as long as you use your hands and tongue creatively, you shouldn’t ever need to deep throat. You can mimic the feeling of deep penetration by wrapping your hand around the lower portion of his shaft and moving it up and down as you slide his head from your lips into your mouth.
6. Sex is risky.
STDs, pregnancy — even your emotions are at stake. So when it comes to sex, be smart, don’t get drunk, make good decisions, and always use barrier protection and birth control. Having confidence in your safety will allow you to relax so you can just focus on feeling good!