Your Call – How Should You Move While On Top?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I need help…I’ve never had sex where I am on top. I guess because I do not feel completely comfortable with my body. But also, I get scared that I will not move the right way. Can you help me with this? I have always been a bit boring in bed..missionary style mostly…but I met someone who I would love to have sex with, and he seems very experienced…Help!

— Stuck on the Bottom

What should SotB do?


  1. no one is born knowing what to do,thus just go for it with confidence and you will never be disappointed.if possible why don’t you share that with your man.

  2. The best thing to do is to do what feels good to you. If you do that, I PROMISE you that you will have done it right!

    I taught my girlfriend to do this and she became a beast being in control!!

  3. One of the only ways I can get off is by getting on top of my boyfriend and grinding my clit into him while his cock is fully inside of me. Sometimes I go in circles, sometimes back and forth, whatever I’m compelled to do at the time. My boyfriend wants more “in and out” action, but he also likes to see me get off. Solution? I do what I need to do to get off, and he takes control by grabbing my hips and moving his own to initiate some thrusting when his cock is feeling neglected. He especially likes when I scoot my hips closer to his feet so his cock is bent further that way. He is also a fan of me crouching on my feet instead of lying on top of him. When he’s had a taste of a better position, I take control again and make use of the angles and movements that work for me. Repeat as necessary. Once I’ve gotten off, he gets his pick of positions with zero clit contact (because my clit needs a break after orgasm). Problem solved.

    Just because you’re on top doesn’t mean your partner has to lie there and take what you dish out without commenting. Why not ask him what he likes about girl-on-top positions during foreplay or in the middle of the act? You get to talk dirty, you get some suggestions on things to try, and you’re off the hook for guessing what might make him happy. And while you’re up there, figure out the movements that work for you.

  4. Ok, there’s more than a couple of great suggestions here already.

    First of all yes, while nothing’s 100% certain, Candice is right that almost any relatively experience man is going to be supportive, and possibly flattered, if you tell him you’d like to try something. And April’s right that playful is the right perspective — if you have to do it “right” the first time then… yeah, where’s the fun in that? And if sex isn’t fun then why have it!?!

    Secondly, Nellie and Steve have some good suggestions for motions to experiment with. Especially the point about being able to snug the top of your vulva against his pubic bone or penis for pressure on your clitoris. I’d add, though, that what ever motions you try, when you’re on top you might be able to move further and with more force than his penis can comfortably take. That doesn’t mean don’t do it, it just means it’s great to pay attention to his face, his movements, and maybe to pay attention if it feels like he’s limiting your motion with his hands on his hips. Hmm… sound familiar? Men, of course, should also pay similar attention to their partner’s comfort when they’re on top.

    And that last point brings me to my final note: nothing’s 100% certain, as I said before, but in my first, second, and third-hand experience Rita’s right that while (once they figure it out) women can have a very good time on top, their male partners on the bottom may have to work harder for their orgasm. The technical problem is that what works best for women is to grind on the upper side and near the base of the shaft of the penis — which is the least sensitive part for most men! Again, sound familiar? (It illustrates one of my contentions that whoever is on top tends to have the easier time with orgasms and while it tends to be harder for whoever’s on the bottom.)

    And as to that last bit, the point there isn’t that nobody should have to be on the bottom. It’s that whoever’s on top shouldn’t take their partner’s enjoyment for granted. It can be just as much fun when everybody gets a turn on top.


  5. Oh, my. I love my lady on the top. She is in total control, and takes me with her sometimes with multiples not possible in other positions. I could spend all day down there loving every movement she makes. My favorite position by far.

  6. While agreeing with all the other people, I might mention that it is fine admitting that you have not done something before, would be very interested in trying it and would like some advice on how to do it. Men generally react very positively and offer what advice/help they can.

  7. As long as neither of your are taking things too seriously, you should be able to play around and figure out what works best. I had this same problem, but it basically just took some practice and communication. It’s especially good if you can talk to your partner about what feels good to them and what works best for you. Just make sure to keep things light at the beginning, and once you get better at it, then it will be more comfortable to bring the intensity level up.

  8. I agree, obviously, with what’s been said so far – and on top is nice, but I’ve found with more than one partner that it doesn’t seem to cut it for the guy. It’s clearly fun for a bit, but the partners I’ve been with can’t come that way, and sometimes have trouble staying hard. And of course some irrational part of me wonders if I’m doing something wrong. And response that goes beyond “enjoy yourself” is appreciated.

  9. I would advise that you do what I always suggest people do when they’re unsure about something… come at it from a playful perspective. Try some things and you’ll find what works for you.

    I also highly agree with Nelle on all points. and worst case if you can’t get past the whole body-self-conscious thing – throw a blindfold on him!

  10. Sex is never about performing somehow, it is about enjoying. Enjoying to discover your partner’s body as well as your own, enjoying those things you feel on your skin and in your heart.

    Having said that, it is mostly about trying around when you’re on top. If you want to tease your partner, go slightly up and down (it will give him loads of feelings on his penis, but if you overdo it, he will come very quickly). If you move your hips back and forth, your clit will rub on his body, and if you find the perfect position to do this, you will have wonderful feelings.

    Concerning your body: If he sleeps with you, he will also perceive you as beautiful, and there is little more wonderful than enjoying and discovering your bodies with each other – and this includes that there is no absolute right an wrong with bodies. Just try things out – and if you let him show you how to touch him, he will certainly enjoy that.

  11. WOT is more about your pleasure than his, although he gets to enjoy a great view of your body while you’re doing it. Try sliding down on him and grinding your hips in circles rather than bobbing up and down. Or just close your eyes, and go with whatever feels good to you at the moment.

Comments are closed.