Your Call: What Do I Do When I Get on Top?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Hi Em and Lo,

I need help. I’ve never had sex where I am on top. I guess because I do not feel completely comfortable with my body. But also, I get scared that I will not move the right way. Can you help me with this? I have always been a bit boring in bed — missionary style, mostly — but I met someone who I would love to have sex with, and he seems very experienced. Help!

— Aiming Higher

What should A.H. do?


  1. ^^^^^ I could get my ex off like that so much faster than any other position. Loved it.

  2. The most sensitive part of the penis is the part of the glans on the top say he were standing and facing you. I never do reverse cowgirl. I think it’s a pain. This is what I do, and 3 different occasions I’ve gotten the comment “best sex I’ve ever had”.. Since the top of the glans is what I call their “crazy spot”, just rubbing your finger across it can make them squirm and immediately start ripping your clothes off lol anyway. I ride a little “low”. Guys like when you “stretch” their penis downward toward their feet, it gives them this feeling of tension, and also really really makes the penis hit not only your G spot, but it puts pressure on your rectum. I don’t like anal, but something about this just feels so good. Anyway, get down pretty low and pull on his penis with your body, then roll your hips and stick your butt out in a “flicking motion”. I promise when he starts reacting you’ll know exactly what he’s feeling. And when he says it feels good tell him “I know” lol … Main reason I did this whole thing was because my legs were weak. But start doing your lunges and you’ll be able to go forever haha … Happy trails!

  3. If your thigh muscles get tired while you’re on top, there are 2 things I like to do . . . first, you don’t have to bounce up and down, you can just kind of slowly grind. It may not give him enough stimulation for him to come, but he’ll like it and it can offer you better clitoral and G-spot stimulation. Second, you can switch to sort of squatting (the so-called “Asian cowgirl” position, which requires less effort and allows you to bounce more vigorously.

    Another thing men tend to like is when you swivel from regular to reverse cowgirl, without taking his cock out of you. Go slowly (I have managed to kick my boyfriend in the head while swinging my leg over too vigorously). And if you do manage to life yourself off his cock, no fault no fail. As long as you’re having fun, there’s no “wrong” (even if someone gets kicked in the head!)

  4. …ooo…by the way … you may find that he likes laying back and being spoiled. You could start with massage. Anyway, I’d suggest lots of exploratory kissing and caressing before taking him inside you. You can sit or lay on him to do this. Remember to put on the condom before your private parts meet.

  5. I agree with Figleaf – men seem to appreciate enthusiasm and a willingness to learn and innovate, so feel free to ask him for tips. 🙂 I’d suggest reading up as much as you can as well – good knowledge is never wasted and also shows your enthusiasm and willingness to innovate….:-)

  6. Try both directions, looking at his face and looking at his feet (reverse cowgirl). I find the reverse cowgirl position much easier on the legs. Plus, you can get your clit and his balls some hand attention while riding.

  7. Figleaf’s spot-on. If the gentleman can fog a mirror, it’s virtually certain he’ll be entirely jazzed by your interest and happy to provide many helpful tips.

  8. If you think he’s experienced, ask him. I’m not sure about everybody but most people if you say “I’ve never XYZ’d have you ever done it?” they’ll be happy to show you. And if he’s not that experienced then you can ask if he’d like to learn it together with you.


  9. If you are a visual learner… and not opposed to the idea… find some videos that real couples have posted on free porn sites.

  10. I hesitate to even add this, because I don’t want to make you overcautious; I agree with everything Johnny is saying–do what feels good, and have fun with it, and there’s really nothing you can do “wrong.” I just have one little tip: be careful if you’re bouncing with a lot of energy, because sometimes things slip and you can land on him in a painful way and actually hurt him. Things (by which I mean -his- thing) can actually be broken. Again, not to worry you–just pay attention to what’s going on. With that little aside in mind–go for it, baby!

  11. As long as you’re not hurting yourself or him, ain’t no “will not move the right way.”

    This may be hard to imagine for some women, but men actually like being treated like sex objects, generally. Use him like a human didlo.

    It’s about controlling your own clitoral stimulation, at it’s most basic. Maybe for you that means riding high. Maybe that means laying down on top of him. Maybe a really fast rabbit-hump, maybe a slow grind. Bouncing up and down, porno-style, might entertain him, but probably isn’t going to get you off.

    Only one way to find out. Trust me, you can’t possibly screw this up. And on the off-chance that you do somehow, lighten up. Laugh it off and change position.

    You could also just tell him you’re inexperienced and you’d like to try this with him for the first time. Guys love hearing that.

Comments are closed.