All posts by Em & Lo

Naked News (06-16-09)
  |  
3
Chime in!

masturbationphoto by slushpup

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Your Call: Pick the Official Term for Those Who Date Much Older People
  |  
10
Chime in!

old_people_signphoto by rileyroxx

A while back, in response to a sincere question from a 19-year-old vocab nerd who’s dating a 28 year old, we asked for your help in coming up with a term for her. We asked that it be something positive that suggested these women aren’t simply shallow gold diggers but may actually prefer the more mature company of guys who are older and wiser. Even better, we said, if it’s a term that could apply to both women and men who date older.

We got some great responses, as well as some reprimands from readers who thought such an endeavor was a cheap, immature joke at the expense of genuine relationships that were nobody else’s business, damn it! But we’re not judging here, we’re just trying to come up with a cute and catchy moniker that our original inquirer would be happy to apply to herself.

As far as we’re concerned, none of the following terms is offensive or derogatory. But we guess like the C word, it all comes down to the context of how they’re used. So whichever one you pick, use it with love.


Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.

Dream Interpretation: I Kissed a Shirtless Guy in the Rain
  |  
1
Chime in!

passionate_kissphoto by cLOVEc

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a woman asks Lauri:

I’m driving by the park in the town where I live. It’s very hot and humid and it starts to rain (a lot). I notice the guy I like (and have asked out with a response of yes, but due to work we couldn’t go out) running shirtless on the sidewalk, dripping in sweat and rain. As I pull over to let him in out of the rain, I notice how ripped he is. On the way to his house we stop on a side road and he looks at me, says “hi,” and we lean into each other and start making out in my truck in the rain. (more…)

"TheyFit" Condoms — First Come, First Served
  |  
Chime in!

theyfit_394part of the measuring instructions for TheyFit condoms

TheyFit Condoms were the first sized-to-fit condoms available a few years back. (Before ordering, you actually needed to use their Fit Kit™ to measure “the Johnson in question.”) It was a revolutionary idea, but then they mysteriously disappeared from the market. Now they’re back at Condomania for a limited time, so we asked their CEO Adam Glickman what was up:

Read the quick interview on SUNfiltered

10 Things Your Father Inadvertently Taught You About Sex
  |  
Chime in!

idiots_guide_fatherhoodIt’s Fathers’s Day on Sunday, June 21st this year — don’t forget to call and thank him for all the wonderful advice.

  1. If you refuse to ask for directions, make sure you’ve got a nice, communicative lady (i.e. Garmin) to show you the way.
  2. Use headcovers for your woodies.
  3. Stand up straight, shake hands firmly (not forcefully) and look people in the eye.

READ ITEMS 4 THROUGH 10 HERE…turns out he taught you about sex toys, bondage, even rimming! (Ew.)

Blog Snog (06-12-09)
  |  
1
Chime in!

vintage_bra_adAd from Teen magazine, 1961, via Uh…Bob

A weekly roundup of some of our favorite sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites:

Studies Show Chivalry Is Sexist
  |  
20
Chime in!

from Wonder Woman #125 comic

With the excellent debate going on in response to the recent Wise Guys question about men behaving chivalrously, we thought we’d stir the pot a bit by mentioning studies that suggest chivalrous behavior is a subtle yet harmful form of sexism, known as benevolent sexism. The term was coined in 1996 by the first study of this kind (as far as we know), which showed that men who exhibit signs of chivalry (opening doors open for women, always paying for the date, being protective) often exhibit signs of hostile sexism as well (thinking of women as less intelligent, weaker creatures whose place is in the home). These findings were supported by another study by the University of Michigan several years later. Dr. Daisy Grewal, writing for Psychology Today earlier this year, has a compelling round-up of a lot of the research on the topic, saying that “Both perspectives [hostile and benevolent sexism] fail to view women as multi-faceted equals to men.” She gets a heated response from a fellow Psych Today blogger, but Grewal holds her own in the comments section of that post (plus, that is the haircut of a smarmy benevolent sexist if ever we saw one). Have a read, then please to discuss.

MORE LIKE THIS
 
If You Don’t Like Vocal Fry and Uptalk, You’re (Probably) Old and Sexist
 
Your Call: Does Sex on a 1st Date Really Ruin Your Chances at a Relationship?
 
Dumb Video of the Week: Ben Taylor’s “Wicked Way”
 
Why Donald Trump, America’s Abusive Boyfriend, Won the Election
Contest: Green Porno Getaway Sweepstakes
  |  
Chime in!

You’ve only got until the end of today (Thur, June 11, 09) to enter our “Name That Schlong” contest. But you can enter the Green Porno Getaway Sweepstakes once a day between now and June 30th. In honor of the aquatic theme of the series’ second season — and the whale episode, in particular (above) — the Sundance Channel is offering you a chance to win a whale-watching trip for two on the Massachusetts coastline, where the winner and a guest will get to observe the mating habits of whales up close and personal.  Included in the grand prize is round-trip airfare for two, two nights in a luxury hotel, tickets for the whale-watching expedition, and a $500 American Express Gift Card!

Preventing Risky Teen Sex: Father Knows Best
  |  
2
Chime in!

fatherhood_poster

Poster via DemotivateUs.com

A friend of ours — one of the Wise Guys, as it happens — is fond of telling new dads, “Your most important job is to keep your daughter off the stripper pole.” Well, a new study kind of proves his point, if you’re willing to accept “stripper pole” as a sort of overarching metaphor for everything from early sexual activity to teen pregnancy to self-destructive tendencies in the sack. (Yes, we know not all strippers are young single mothers who’ve made bad choices; some happily choose stripping as a lucrative career. But we’d bet that any father of a young girl would file random hook-ups, barebacking and stripping in a category labeled “sex-related shit I hope to god my daughter never engages in.”) This is the stuff that makes fathers want to sit in a rocker on the front porch holding a shotgun. Anyway, the study found that when it comes to preventing risky teen sex, teenagers whose fathers are more attentive and more involved in their lives are less likely to engage in risky activities like unprotected intercourse. Attentive moms help too, of course — but researchers found that dads have twice the influence…

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Dear Em & Lo: Do I Have to Tell My Partner I Have HPV?
  |  
14
Chime in!

hand_mouthphoto by demi-brooke

Last week, Dr. Kate kindly answered a woman’s question about whether or not she had to tell her partner she had HPV. This week, we’re taking it upon ourselves to answer the same question — and we’re taking no prisoners:

In a word, YES!

Everyone has the right to know what they’re getting into when they’re getting into bed with you. It doesn’t matter how pervasive an STD is, how inconsequential it might turn out to be, or how likely it is that you’ll eventually get it (or that you already have it) — everyone deserves to know the truth. So if you know you’ve got something, you’ve got to come clean (as it were). Fucking is not a right, it’s a privilege, and you’ve got to earn that privilege via honest communication about your bod and where it’s been. We’re pretty sure the NY Times ethicist would have our back on this.

If more people fessed up to their sexual health status, then we’d all know a little more about the pervasive STDs that affect us — and probably not be so freaked out. Knowledge is power, and power is sexy. The more we all talk about it, the more it will become clear that it’s not only dirty, promiscuous, evil people who get STDs (such a tired yet stubborn cliche) — many totally cool, super nice and very good-looking people get sexually transmitted infections, too.

Unfortunately, honest communication isn’t always the quickest route to sex or even love. So people get scared into concealing an STD out of fear of loneliness (or horniness). Don’t fall into this trap: Even though it doesn’t feel like it when you first get diagnosed with something, you will have sex again. You will fall in love and you’ll probably get married, have a couple kids, the whole nine.

And please, if any of you happen to be on the receiving end of a conversation like this, be cool about it. Honest Abes should be rewarded for their behavior — not with unprotected genital-to-genital contact, natch, but at least with a polite, considerate, and sympathetic response. Of course, it’s your right to walk away (just don’t run). But know this: Many STDs are either curable, or at least manageable. So if you choose to turn your back, you could be turning it on your one true soulmate and walking into a future of eternal solitude.

True dat,
Em & Lo

Confession: I Had a Friend with Benefits…and Drawbacks
  |  
16
Chime in!

kiss_at_nightphoto by rileyroxx

Our contributor Ryan, who blogs at Student Loans for Beer Money, has a confession to make:

I learned a lot of tough lessons my first year of college. For instance, cucumbers aren’t the only things that can be pickled (thanks to maniacal levels of on-campus alcohol consumption). And, more importantly, having a friend with benefits isn’t always like having your cake and eating it too.

Coming from an all-boys high school, my interaction with girls was limited to three serious yet brief romantic relationships before college. So dealing with girls on a casual level — or even simply on a level that included them as peers — was a foreign concept to me. This made me wholly unprepared and unqualified for my first “fuck buddy” relationship.

I bumped into her at a party — literally and, ultimately, figuratively. Looking back on it we had almost nothing in common besides a love of being “mad wasted, yo.” In spite of that fact (or probably because of it), we had sex that night. If we’d had any sense, that would have been the end of it; we would have just gone about our daily academic lives, awkwardly passing each other on campus, until we forgot to be embarrassed anymore, until we forgot we’d even had sex once. But we didn’t have sense, and we didn’t stop. Instead, it became a ritual. She was my midnight phone call and 2 o’clock goodnight; I was the boy she didn’t tell her roommates about…

(more…)

Wise Guys: What's the Deal with Chivalry?
  |  
18
Chime in!

chivalrya book about chivalry

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do you think about traditional gestures of chivalry like holding open a door for a woman, holding out her chair at the restaurant, etc? You know, is it just the polite thing to do, are you annoyed you’re expected to do these things as if the woman’s a baby, does it make you feel good to feel like a caretaker, etc?”

Straight Single Guy (Chris): I don’t know how I compare to the rest of the world of single, straight guys, but I still open doors, hold chairs (though less often than the door), and buy dinners. I’m not exactly sure where in the realm of online dating and pornhub.com chivalry died, but it seems to me that all of my girl friends are going dutch or paying for meals on their dates. I’m not a rich guy, but if I can’t afford a nice dinner, I cook one. And if I can afford dinner, I pay for it. I hold doors open because it is the polite thing to do, not because I am stronger than my frail little trophy dates. Sometimes I help old ladies cross the street or out of a taxi. I carry stuff for people, men and women, and I say, “Thank you, sir” and “Can I help you, ma’am?” Maybe that makes me old fashioned, but I think it makes me fucking cool.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): For me, at the heart of chivalry is respect and consideration and therefore it does play a role in gay relationships. However, chivalry does have very specific gender connotations that would be a little bit ridiculous applied to a gay relationship. I would be extremely put off if, for example, a date held out a chair for me at a restaurant. However, small gestures like holding a door for me, offering me a seat on a bus or train, or even offering me his jacket if I’m freezing would all be appreciated. In that respect both gay and hetero relationships are the same. However, guys can easily overdo it. No one should be treated like a frail and helpless object, rather with the respect and consideration everybody (well, most people) deserves.
(more…)

Naked News — The Super Gay Extravaganza Edition! (06-09-09)
  |  
Chime in!

In honor of June being LGBT Month (officially proclaimed by President Obama), we’ve compiled a fabulous round-up of recent gay-related news:

Read 9 more fabu items on SUNfiltered

Your Call: He's Fighting a War; I'm Hanging with His Wife
  |  
5
Chime in!

soldierphoto by army.mil

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been troubled by something lately. One of my exes (from several years ago) got married and recently moved into my town with her husband and infant son. Her husband is in the military and was deployed shortly thereafter. Since then she and I have become very close friends. We long since grew out of any romantic feelings we had for each other and our friendship is strictly platonic. I am the only one in town that she knows, and she is a stay-at-home mom. She has her hands full all day with her young son and hyperactive dog, and at night she can’t leave the house because no one would be there to watch her son. So I spend a lot of time hanging out with her at her house. What I worry about is what her husband thinks. I know that if the woman I loved was spending large amounts of time with one of her exes while I was off fighting in a damn WAR; I might be a bit worried, maybe even a little angry, regardless of how much I trusted her. I don’t want her husband to suffer, but she’s a great friend. Also, it should be noted (for context) that I am single. Am I just over-thinking this, or am I doing something morally wrong? And if so, what should I do?

— Mr. Platonic (Really)

Dream Interpretation: My Now-Gay Ex Offered Me a Hot Dog
  |  
Chime in!

hot_dogphoto by TheBusyBrain

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a woman asks Lauri:

I had the strangest dream involving my ex.  I generally try not to think about him — he came out of the closet and I was devastated.  I haven’t spoke to him in over two years, and I haven’t really dated anyone else either.  Anyway here is the dream:

He and I are outside.  I am sitting down at a table and he is trimming shrubs.  Well he is really cutting all the leaves off and leaving only a small branchy stub.  I am  sitting at the table and he comes over saying that he’s tired and wants nourishment.  Then he presents a hot dog.  He offers me a bite, but I decline (although I feel really hungry in the dream).  He offers again, but I decline again. Then he and I drink pink champagne together, but really it tastes like raspberry Schweppes (the ginger ale.)

Usually I can’t remember my dreams at all, but with this one not only do I remember; I can’t stop trying to decode it.

Lauri: I can only imagine how confusing and upsetting this must have been for you, and why you have done nothing but try to figure this out ever since.  That is certainly what this dream is about… and that is what dreams are for, after all — figuring things out.  So let’s delve right in, shall we?

(more…)