3/15/16
My Bisexual Girlfriend Likes Kissing Girls – Should I Worry?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

I’m 22 y.o. and my girlfriend just admitted she is bisexual and she likes kissing other girls. I’m not completely sure how to react to that. We have been dating for about 3 and a half months now. Any advice?

— Bi Curious

What can B.C. do?
Let him know in the comments below!

 



5 Comments

  1. There isn’t any one way that you “should” feel about this revelation, just as she can consider many options as to how to conduct her love life. The two buzz words that I would recommend embracing are respect and safety. So, if your response is that it’s kind of hot and you’d like to watch, go for it. But, if you eventually decide that it’s too painful to imagine her getting sexy with another person, then that’s a conversation you need to have.

  2. It’s possible she wants to share that fantasy with you in more-than-FYI kind of way. Maybe that’s why she told you.

    In your shoes I would feel out threesome potential.

  3. You’re 22 years old and your girlfriend has discovered that an important piece of her erotic makeup involves women. She will eventually connect with one; hell, she probably should connect with at least one; nobody should go through life without fulfilling all her (innocent) sexual needs. Your question therefore comes down to how do you get ahead of this inevitable event in a way that doesn’t destroy your relationship?

    You set up ground rules NOW. You find some agreed-upon way for her to manage her feelings without destroying yours. If you cannot, you break up now before anyone gets further hurt.

    What are good rules? That’s up to you. I personally speaking only for me myself and nobody else would suggest allowing her to have any relationship she likes with women as long as she tells you about it and does not extend this to men. You get the same rights with men. (You’re 22, remember? A little dick won’t hurt you. I’m mostly kidding about this part.) You may prefer stricter rules–nothing more than a little kissing–but setting rules that won’t be followed is a recipe for disaster. In my experience more elbow room is better, but I’m not you.

    [ Actually, my ideal solution would be that she has sex with women only if you’re also invited, and good luck with that. (Yeah; all men are pigs.)]

    Just remember that the odds of establishing a life-long monogamous relationship at the age of 22 are pretty bad, and the odds of establishing one with a woman who has just discovered an interest in other women are even worse. So if you want to keep this woman you’re going to have to give her space.

    Which is of course my personal, only for me, not guaranteed for anyone else, not to be taken too seriously, your results may vary, advice.

    1. Oh, please. All men are not pigs, only some. You can watch your gf with another woman if she can watch you with another man. Oink.
      Oh, wait, we did that… my bad.
      Seriously, unless the writer (BC) is sexually repressed, your gf shared something very important/special with you; sign up and enjoy the ride, who knows where it will take you!

  4. The fact that your girlfriend felt comfortable telling you about her sexuality and her desires is a really good sign for your relationship! Her being attracted to women doesn’t diminish her attraction to you in any way. If you’re in a monogamous relationship and she expresses interest in changing that, then that’s something you need to decide if you are comfortable with. However, if she’s just interested in women as well as men, it really shouldn’t effect your relationship very much from where I see it.

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