The 3 (Non-Sexual) Keys to a Great (Sexual) Relationship

We recently featured some great sex tips from some of the winners of our Wildfire Contest, which asked readers to give us their best tip for lighting up their love life. The following winning entry was so good, it deserved its own dedicated post:

My best advice for lighting the fire: communication, understanding, and acceptance. The man I love taught me this. After months of talking, we cemented plans to meet. Incredibly anxious, I boarded a plane to fly halfway across the country to meet a man I knew so much about but in some ways felt I barely knew.  

My first night in town, he took me to a small, family owned, Greek restaurant for dinner — he remembered I said I prefer to avoid chains when traveling. He doesn’t drink but knows I enjoy white wine and had asked his friends for suggestions and had the perfect bottle in his fridge. Remembered I enjoyed lavender scents and had stocked the shower with appropriate products (in his words, to make it more like home).  His ability to listen and to focus on reducing my anxieties led to a very pleasurable and memorable visit in so many non-physical ways.

A few months later, after many more conversations, we made plans to spend some time together again. Those conversations included our past relationships, our past intimate experiences, and our wants for our future relationship. He had very honestly and slowly shared his past experience with men (I’m female). His most pleasurable experiences included submission with anal penetration and he shared in a way that allowed me to understand and wrap my mind around an act that I had no experience with. While the conversations were not always the most comfortable, I realized he had faith in my ability to not pass judgement and accept his preferences as something we could include in our intimate relationship.

When we arrived at his home, I was so excited to give him the gift I had carefully selected for him, a Lelo Loki Wave. As he slowly opened the box, I was an anxiety-ridden wreck; would he be pleased with it, was it something he would have picked for himself, was it the right moment? He smiled as he removed it from the box. His eyes grew brighter as he looked at mine. And his words perfectly summed up why communication, understanding and acceptance are must haves for lighting the fire: “It’s absolutely perfect and I cannot wait to share it with you.” A wonderful thing, as I had presumptively charged it before packing it in suitcase!

We are 18 months into our LDR, we communicate every day. The personal growth we have both experienced has benefited each of us individually and as a couple. Communication, understanding, and acceptance has given us unique experiences, expanded both our boundaries, and eliminated any barriers to absolute honesty in our relationship. As a result, we enjoy a very healthy sexual relationship but also the intimacy of conversation, necessary for starting the fire in ours. ? While not necessarily “unique”, it is a long forgotten way to find that starting place to set your world on fire!

— Wendy

Read another winning entry:
A 60-Second Master Class in the Subtle Art of Non-Cheesy Dirty Talk

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