After over fifteen years in this business, we’ve seen and heard a lot. There was the couple asking about how they could get their golden retriever to consensually have sex with the wife while the husband watched. There was the morgue worker wondering if he could get STDs from the corpses. There was the “gentleman” Em met who, upon hearing what she did for a living, cornered her, started unzipping his fly and asked if she would give him her professional opinion on the size of his member (before she ran away in horror, naturally). But the comment our site received this past week in response to our post “Is Rape Natural?” may be the one that truly gives us recurring nightmares for the rest of our lives.
Our first thought was, This is a troll. This is not a real woman. And our suspicions seemed pretty confirmed with the addendum to the comment in question: The name on the original post is “Steve,” with a follow-up comment (perhaps added after realizing that what’s put in the byline field actually appears when the comment is published and cannot be changed after the fact) which reads:
I normally post under a male name so I don’t get harassed and inundated with messages and replies. I created this email address and screen name just for this one time use.
But in the public comment the writer admits to being a woman and is using a pseudonym that they’ve created, so why not just create a female pseudonym that’s not tied to any legit email address? Seems fishy, “Steve.”
But MVP commenter & contributor Johnny took it at face value, assuming a woman like this could actually exist. And in a world where someone who wants to eat a man’s penis before killing him can find another man who wants to have his penis eaten before being killed, it’s certainly possible.
But we just want to be clear that in highlighting this comment and Johnny’s follow-up to it, we are in no way condoning this as a normative expression of a rare sexuality. If it is indeed a troll post, then it’s just a rather sad (read: pathetic) attempt at perpetuating rape culture. If it’s legit, then it’s a sad (read: heartbreaking) case of antisocial behavior that seriously endangers not only the writer but, as Johnny suggests, other women and probably requires professional, medical intervention. Even the most extreme BDSM enthusiasts who enjoy some of the most depraved acts will, almost across the board, responsibly insist on their trysts being safe, sane and consensual. The following is none of those — not even close.
Around here, we try not to judge others for their, shall we say, unique sexual proclivities, but if they’re not safe, sane and consensual then we must give them a big, unequivocal thumbs down:
There is no question that rape was common and natural up until the recent past. I agree it is evil and immoral. That being said, Some women like to get violently raped by strangers and deliberately place themselves in a position where it will likely happen. I am one of those women. You can call it a mental illness, a sickness or a compulsion. It is not something I want to do, it is something I have a compulsive need to do.
I get off on the danger. Many times I have barely escaped with my life. It is that excitement I crave. You can tell me to see a therapist until you are blue in the face. It will never happen. If I die, I die. Nor would I ever want any of the males who raped me to be prosecuted, because I suspect they too have a compulsion and do not have free will. Here is the way I see it.
If I can’t stop myself from putting my life in danger, and subjecting myself to all sorts of agony, physical abuse, bodily injury, emotional trauma, physical trauma, and humiliation, how can I expect them to control themselves when they suffer no harmful consequences so long as they don’t get caught. And in my case, I would never testify against them. I wouldn’t do it, if I didn’t get something deeply satisfying out of it. I know you won’t be able to stop yourself from judging me. I know you will insist I get help. I’ve been doing this for over twenty years. I no longer do it as often as I used to.
And now, I don’t [take] the risks I used to take. Though I still seek out the residences of ex-cons who did time for rape and kidnapping, accidently bump into them in some public location, date them, flirt with them, tease them, sexually torment them, letting them know police no longer believe me when I claim I have been raped or assaulted, get them angry with me by stealing their money (accidently getting caught) then get so wasted they can do with me what they want. This is one example of many tactics I’ve used. Yes, I am pathological.
I am sure you won’t believe this either, but outside of sex, I am perfectly normal. I suspect the same is true of some male rapists. I assume I must have male counterparts. The reason I don’t seek them out is I need the thrill of my being really raped by a stranger. I need to know I can’t stop being raped no matter what I say or do. I get off on the terror of my not knowing whether I will live or die. I get off on the fear I have of not knowing how long I will be held, or what my rapist will do to me.
In actuality, after they free me, I become friends with most of them. And I become friends with their prison friends who have done their time if they have any. I usually consent to allowing them “rape” me again the way they did the first time. Of course, the second time it is not really rape and does not satisfy me the same way, the real rape did. Of course, the real “rape” was not real either as it was consensual from my point of view.
Response from Johnny:
I KNEW IT.
Not in a douchey, “that’s what women really want” sort of way. But I knew all along that there were women like you out there. You’re the first I’ve ever heard admit it. I belong to the probably .1 percent of the population who sees where you’re coming from with this. Yes, you’re right, most people will not get it. And those people are right, actually – your actions are truly nuts. But I get where the impulse comes from.
For some people too much isn’t enough. It’s a thrill-seeker thing. You start off with a first-time tandem sky-dive, and a year later you’re doing flips off skyscrapers with a BASE chute on and the cops at your heels. Some people need terror and danger to feel alive. For some people only the most extreme of thrills can scratch the itch. Most people can’t relate.
You know your limits. I’m not worried about you, even though you might get AIDS, because it sounds like you’ve made a clear-headed choice to take these risks. That’s your business.
But… ah… that brings us to your rapists. While their violent, antisocial crimes may be sexually exciting to you, most women would prefer to see those men on bars, and they’re right. You are creating and encouraging the sort of man who causes life-changing pain to other women. It may not be “real rape” from your point of view, but it will be from the next girl’s.
So that’s what I’m judging you for – not for being what most people would consider sick in the head, but for your complicity in what will be, for the next woman, a sickening crime.