Rachel Kramer Bussel is a sex writer who makes us feel like all we do is sit on our couches eating candy. She’s published 26 — count ’em, 26! — books on the subject. Two of her most recent titles are a matching set on oral sex — Tasting Him and Tasting Her. (Admittedly, not our favorite titles, but you try coming up with something catchier.) Today she sits down with us to chat about fellatio tips and tales; stay tuned for her interview on Tasting Her next week.
E&L: We hear from so many women who don’t really enjoy going down on their guys. What can you tell them to help them enjoy it more?
RKB: Well, I think for some people, they’re just not into it, and that’s fine. Maybe part of the reason they aren’t is that some guys can be a little overeager when it comes to getting head, and instead of lying back and letting the person giving the blowjob ease into it and figure out their own pace, rhythm and technique, they want to run the show. That can be hot for some, but I think especially if you’re a woman and not so into going down, make him put his hands behind his head and shut up, and let you take control. That will at least give you the power to figure out what parts of giving a blowjob you do and don’t like and you won’t be rushed.
Some people say there’s no such thing as a bad blowjob. Do you agree?
I feel like as a woman I can’t truly answer that; I’ve often heard that, but guys have told me about so-so or “boring” blowjobs. A bad blowjob, in my estimation, would be where the giver has absolutely no interest in what they’re doing and are just going through the motions. I’m sure there are bad blowjobs, in which case the person receiving one should try to gently (very gently) tell the other person how to do it in a way that feels better, without necessarily criticizing them.
What’s one thing that people most often get wrong about blowjobs?
To be honest? Thinking there’s a “right way” and a “wrong way.” It’s different for everyone. You don’t have to swallow; you don’t “have to” do anything. To the one giving the blowjob, I’d say go at your own pace, make it fun for yourself. Touch yourself while you’re doing it, experiment to see what parts of the guy’s penis are most sensitive. Ask questions if you’re into that, though in my experience most guys will tell you what they’re looking for.
What’s your favorite blowjob tip?
I’d say enthusiasm — if you don’t have at least a little of it, don’t bother. And I don’t mean that in a disparaging way; giving blowjobs isn’t for everyone (receiving either, for that matter, though I personally would be very unhappy with someone who never wanted to receive blowjobs). If you’re genuinely enthusiastic, show him, and he’ll definitely notice. Initiate them sometimes, just because. Drop hints. Start with a blowjob as a prelude to sex. If you’re into it, he’ll be into you being into it.
This book features fellatio flavored with creme de menthe, cinnamon roll frosting, and even Prego spaghetti sauce! What’s up with the food and fellatio combo?
They can go well together, and I think it can be fun and lighten the mood to bring something sweet or, well, tomato-y, into it, though that’s not my preferred method. Food is sexy and sensual and for those of us with an oral fixation the acts of eating and feeding someone can be sexy. Food can prolong a blowjob, and you can tease him by adding some of whatever your food du jour is, licking/sucking it off, then starting all over again.
What’s your favorite moment in Tasting Him?
Tsaurah Litzkys’ story “Tony Tempo” is sexy and sweet, and it’s so rare that I get stories with older characters. Tony is in a nursing home, but he’s still horny, and the blowjob in this story is hot but also tinged with his memories of his wife. I like that bit of romanticism.