Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!

Good Vibes Sex Toys

Buy on Amazon Kindle!

Christmas Story Lamp on Amazon


Archive | Advice RSS feed for this section

Dream Interpretation: Pregnant and Husband Cheated On Me

November 6, 2014

0 Comments

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’ve been having many dreams that my husband left me for another girl while I am pregnant, and I’ve been waking up with tears. I keep on dreaming this, like 5-6 times already. I’ve been trying to look up the meaning of it — I don’t know why I keep on dreaming that. I hope I find an answer and I hope it won’t mean anything.

Lauri:¬†Fear not! It is sooooo common to dream hubby cheats while we are pregnant, and it rarely means he actually is. There are a few reasons for this dream. One may be that you are not feeling your usually sexy self right now. You may be feeling nauseous, emotional, worried, etc. and, depending on where you are in your pregnancy, you may feel you look more like a whale than a woman. These feelings can cause serious concern that hubby doesn’t find you attractive anymore, especially if you yourself aren’t feeling it, and this will manifest in your dreams. But trust me, most men just love it when their woman is pregnant. It is a testament to his own manhood after all!

In addition, with you being “in a delicate way,” there are probably several activities the two of you used to do together that you can no longer do: drinking, partying, sports, etc. Subconsciously, you may be feeling that your pregnancy is getting in the middle of your marriage. And it can get in the middle of it, if you let it. Rather than looking at it as taking away from certain aspects of the marriage, look at it as adding a certain magic to it, because a pregnancy truly is a magical and wonderful thing! Fall in love with your pregnant body. Be confident with it. This will radiate off of you and your husband will be SO TURNED ON! Change your attitude and you will change your dreams.

 

Visit Lauri’s site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



The Real Reason Why Guys Love Blowjobs So Much

November 4, 2014

0 Comments

photo via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s the big deal about blowjobs — seriously, what makes them so special?

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): On the physical level, it’s simple: they feel fucking amazing. They provide physical sensations so desirable that a straight man would let a queer guy suck him off, either for the right amount of money or with the lights out. It’s that real. But aside from that, I recently asked some straight female friends whether or not they actually enjoy giving head, or do they really just do it because they know the guy will like it. Unanimously they said the latter, and that’s why blowjobs are indeed quite special. For many women (and certainly not all), blowjobs aren’t about the immediate satisfaction of their physical wants, but rather, the pleasure gained from satisfying someone else’s desires. There is an element of selflessness. A woman might even think giving blowjobs is downright nasty, but might continue to blow her man because she gets off on getting her man off. Some guys know this and thus know just how lucky they are for getting one.

Straight Single Guy (Mark): My first reaction is an overwhelming, “What isn’t the big deal about blowjobs?!”¬† But there’s more than just the primal, physical, when-they’re-good-they’re-freaking-amazing aspect. Of course there’s the stereotype that the appeal of BJs is about some sort of control or domination/submissiveness, but I think there are deeper factors involved, like trust and acceptance, that truly make them so great. Oral sex — in both directions, by the way — can in many ways be even more intimate than the regular ol’ in-n-out.

We don’t always acknowledge the more emotional aspects of oral, but — even if partly subconsciously — those elements probably get closer to the heart of what makes this expression of affection so special.¬† To be face-to-face and naughty-bits-to-naughty-bits is one thing.¬† But for your partner to be so into you that s/he would go downtown and get up-close-and-personal to provide pleasure exclusively to you (okay, there are those of us who derive almost as much from giving as receiving, but that’s another story)…well, I think that’s a pretty gosh darn “big deal”!

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Blowjobs used to be really, really stigmatized and therefore really, really rare. Even for couples in long-term relationships.¬† In a few states in the U.S. it might still legally be sodomy, even for heterosexuals, and in the past it’s been strongly associated with “latent” homosexuality, porn, and prostitution — and strongly not associated with “good girls.”¬† Something else contributing to the stigma:¬† blowjobs break the gender rule that sex is something for men to do and women receive. And all those insults with the word “suck” in them?¬† Some of those used to be taken deadly seriously.

Nowadays, not so much. But add up the little bits of historical taboo, the little bit of gender-bending for both men and women, and the fact that blowjobs feel very good and… well, that’s enough to make them seem pretty special.¬† Which, incidentally, I think they ought to be.¬† Special. Instead of, oh, say, obligatory.¬† Not least because when they start feeling obligatory, men’s partners start wondering, well, what makes them so special?

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Your Call: How Do I Tell Him I Don’t Like His Weight Gain?

November 3, 2014

4 Comments


photo via IMDB

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader.  

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE*
Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

My husband and I have been together ten years, and over the last few years he has gradually put on about twenty pounds. He jokes about it, but he doesn’t seem to be bothered by the weight gain — he just seems to think it’s normal for a guy his age (44) to get thick around the middle. And it’s true, most of his friends have spread in the same way. But I miss the guy I fell in love with! I’m still in love with him, but I’m not quite as attracted to him as I once was, and I worry what this will do to my sex drive as the years go on.

Can I say anything to him? And if so, what do I say and how do I say it?!

– C(hubby) Chaser

What should C.C. do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



7 Tips for Determining Who Pays on a Date

October 31, 2014

3 Comments

photo via Flickr

Dates may be cheap but they ain’t never free. So who coughs up?

  1. Whoever did the asking pays for the date. This is 2014, people, it’s so last century to assume the man always gets it.
  2. However, if you’ve been asked out, you should always assume you’ll be going dutch to avoid disappointment. Bring cash so you don’t end up washing dishes.
  3. When the check comes, the one who was asked out should offer to go halvsies — and try to sound like you mean it.
  4. If you end up sharing the bill, split it evenly, even if one of you got lobster. Exact breakdowns are for roomies, siblings, and other people with no plans to get naked.
  5. In a battle of the Amexes, defer to who did the asking (perhaps it’s the miles).
  6. If your date absolutely insists on getting the whole thing, this is your excuse to extend the date: offer to buy cocktails or coffee at the bar across the street, or insist the next date’s on you.
  7. Though we’d like to believe that everyone knows better by now, we should note that no matter how much your date spends on dinner, you do not owe them a thing in the booty department ‚ÄĒ not even a kiss.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Dream Interpretation: My Boyfriend Beat Me

October 30, 2014

0 Comments

 

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a dream that I was in a room trying to hide. I hid in the closet and then under the bed my boyfriend came in and took me from under the bed and started to beat on me. Later the scene changed we were in a parking lot in his car and he had told me he’s back to seeing the mother of his child. Only, it wasn’t the one I knew of, it was a new one. He had gotten someone else pregnant and she was going to have a daughter, but I was pregnant also. In the dream I hadn’t told him I was pregnant, but it was weird because as he was telling me he was looking down at my stomach.

Lauri: Hiding in a dream is a tell tale sign there is something in real life you do not wish others, or someone in particular, to know. Hiding under a bed in a dream means this either an issue that keeps you up at night, or it is an issue that involves intimacy. It could even be thoughts or feelings you are keeping to yourself.

Your boyfriend pulls you out and proceeds to beat you in the dream. I really hope this is solely a dream incident and is not reflective of real life. Because if this happens in real life… GET OUT NOW! If it’s only a dream beat down, then this is more likely connected to you beating yourself up over something in regards to your relationship.

In the dream you also wind up in a parking lot, which means something in your life is stuck or on hold at the moment, no longer progressing forward. It’s probably your relationship. The reference to his baby momma tells us this is an issue for you. Maybe there is jealousy there. Or maybe the dynamics of their relationship is an indicator of what you can expect in your relationship with him. Your subconscious mind brought it up because there is something there you need to pay attention to.

His impregnation of someone else most likely symbolizes that he has started up an interest in something that you may be worrying is taking away from you. Also, you have another reference to hiding something at the end of this dream with not telling him about your pregnancy. It sure seems to me that your dream is trying to show you that things will continue to develop and grow, like a pregnancy, if this hidden issue isn’t worked out. Honesty is always the best policy in a relationship. Work this out, sister, before it gets bigger than it is right now.

 

Visit Lauri’s site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:


Tags:

What Straight Guys Really Think About Backdoor Play

October 28, 2014

0 Comments

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most straight guys secretly want to have their bums explored by their girlfriends/wives? Like, even if they don’t admit it, and they’d never ask…deep down, are they curious?

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): When they’re together, straight guys tend to avoid anything that could sound even remotely homosexual. Not even a metro guy will tell his buddies how much he enjoyed the ass-play he got last night. This makes it hard to gauge how many butt-buffs there really are out there, but for me I can easily say no. No curiosity, no secret enjoyment. I’m probably in the minority here, but to me it’s sort of like a stray finger up the nose while making out: not terrible, but not particularly exciting either — just off-target.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie):
I really think this has to do with the guy’s own level of homophobia.¬† If the guy is open-minded and comfortable in his masculinity, then it’s just something else to try in the bedroom.¬† However, I personally know a few guys who are otherwise pretty sexually adventurous, but who feel that any attempted ass play from their partners is a deal-breaker.¬† Of course, these are the same guys who still think it’s funny to make “fag” jokes about each other in public.¬† I think, for guys like this, asking for some anal attention would be too big of a threat to their warped sense of masculinity.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Let’s face it: The prostate is the prostate.¬† Your nerve endings don’t care whether you like to have sex with boys or girls; when something feels good, it feels good.¬† It’s possible that even ten years ago I would have answered differently, but twenty-first century porn has changed my mind: Porn sites where supposedly straight men have sex with other men are wildly successful. And I do think that at least some of these porn actors are straight, or at least straighter than they are gay. So this makes me think that there has to be something intriguing enough to them about the idea to overcome what’s left of the taboo. And this is with other men! So if very experimental straight men are willing to let other men explore their bums, then yes, I suspect that your average straight man is definitely interested in having his female partner explore his bum — even if he won’t admit it.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com

Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week‚Äôs Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish.¬†To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Your Call: Can He Skip the Couples Costume This Halloween?

October 27, 2014

4 Comments

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader.  

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE*
Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

My girlfriend wants to do a couple’s costume for Halloween this year. I don’t. I think it’s cheesy and annoying. But I know how happy it would make her. Still, I really don’t want to. Can I stand my ground or am I just being a jerk, especially if I’m going to dress up anyway?

A Reluctant Clyde to Her Bonnie

 

What should ARCTHB do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

 



The 10 Saddest Things About Being Single

October 24, 2014

2 Comments

by Shireen Dadkhah for YourTango.com  |  photo via flickr

Trust me, you don’t understand what it means to be lonely.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve watched my friends pair off. Temporarily and fleetingly in high school, longer and more lasting in college, and now, permanently. Throughout it all, I’ve remained single. Too shy, too insecure, too…whatever. I got used to my role as the Single One‚ÄĒI was even okay with it. As an introvert, I not only like my alone time, I need it. But, somewhere along the line, I stopped just being single and started being lonely. Most days I’m both. And try as my paired up friends might, they don‚Äôt seem to fully understand what it’s like to watch everyone around you fall in love. They don’t understand what it means to be lonely. So let me tell you.

1. You are nobody’s first priority. Between boyfriends and girlfriends and spouses and kids and church, there’s always someone before you on the priority list. I don’t have that one person I come home to at the end of the day, with whom I share all the mundane details of my life. So I parse them out between friends and family, sometimes oversharing because I just need someone to validate my existence. I’m not saying it’s wrong that I’m not the top priority (of course family should come first). But for the perpetually alone sometimes it’d be nice to be first. Just once. Just for a day.

2. Physical touch is a thing for other people. When you’re not part of a couple and you’re living alone, physical touch goes out the window. And not just sexy, intimate touches. I’m talking mundane, everyday, almost-no thought-put-into-them touches. Last week, I realized it had been months since I‚Äôd been touched by another person. For as much as I value and need alone time, nothing is more isolating than realizing no one has touched you in over a month. Nothing.

3. Jealousy is green and ugly and real. I don’t want to be a jealous person. I don’t like being a jealous person. But when the loneliness is overwhelming and all-consuming, I can’t help it. I can’t help but be jealous of the fact that other people have someone to come home to‚ÄĒthat they have the occasional unthinking brush of hands and take so much for granted.

4. There’s physical pain associated with being lonely. It’s not something you know until you’ve experienced it, and it’s hard to describe. But it actually hurts to be lonely. It’s an ache in your chest, a heaviness that you can’t shake, a longing that only the touch of another person can soothe.

5. Being the third wheel sucks. No matter how much I like my friends’ significant other (and really, they’re great!), I don‚Äôt want to be the third or fifth wheel. A little part of me dies every time I have to plaster a smile on my face and joke to the waiter that the bill is going to be split, “Two, two, and me. Just me.”

6. Friendship isn’t enough. This one is hard. I have an outstandingly good group of friends and family, but as much as I want them to be (and as much they wish they could be), they aren’t enough. I’ve tried really hard to make them enough, but it’s like forcing a puzzle piece into a spot it doesn’t belong. You can push and push and push, but it’s never going to quite sit right.

7. Everyone is part of a couple. Or maybe it just seems that way when you’re not. But from my point of view, everywhere I look, I see couples. Even events are geared towards couples. Have you ever tried cooking for one? It’s not pretty.

8. The grass isn’t greener. Stop telling me how you’d love to have some peace and quiet or a night where no one touches you. Because that’s not what I’m talking about. There is a profound, bone-deep difference between “alone time” and being lonely. Comparing the two or romanticizing something I consider painful undermines my feelings and makes me hate you a tiny bit.

9. This isn’t a “lifestyle” choice. Plenty of folks choose to be single. Nobody chooses to be lonely. That’s part of the problem. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this. But it’s not something I can fix on my own.

10. No one gets it. It‚Äôs kind of like the Dead Dad’s Club. (Please lower your pitchforks and allow me to explain.) Until you lose your dad, you don‚Äôt know what it’s like. You can sympathize and you can think, “Oh, that’s really sh*tty,” but you can’t really empathize. And it’s true for loneliness, too. Unless you’ve experienced it‚ÄĒunless you know what true, deep, painful loneliness is like‚ÄĒyou don’t get it. And, well, that just makes things all the more lonely, doesn’t it?

This post originally appeared on YourTango



Dream Interpretation: On a Beach, Everyone Had a Giant Penis

October 23, 2014

0 Comments


photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

i had a dream where i went to a beautiful beach and was enjoying the scenic sunset beauty. suddenly, i got shocked by seeing a naked guy go for a swim in the sea. he had an amazing big penis. aroused, i smiled and ogled at him for a little while. then, i got up to go out for a walk along the waterline. many people were enjoying the evening. i found many guys sitting naked or semi-naked. they were all in various activities – all relaxing in their own way, some sitting and lazying, some reading, some sprawled out. notable was that all of them had big penises. some of them had limp penises and some were erect… but all of them were big… i remember thinking, hey in this part of city, all the guys have big penises.

Lauri:¬†I have this suspicion that many of Em & Lo’s readers would like to know in what city your dream took place! Anyhoo, as delightfully phallic as your dream is, it is really all about you.

The beach setting and the nakedness are all about freedom and getting things out in the open. In real life have you recently gotten something off your chest or opened up about something? Penises in dreams tend to be connected to one’s assertiveness and ability to “stand firm” about certain issues. And usually the bigger something is in a dream the bigger a deal it is in real life.

So what I am getting from this dream is that you may have recently “grown a pair,” so to speak, and “stood up” for yourself in some way… in a BIG way. And in doing so, it brought about a certain sense of freedom, which is great! Because when we hold things in or don’t stand up for ourselves, we become imprisoned by fear and worry.

Life’s too short for that nonsense. Live life in a big way while you’re here. And your dream suggests you are doing just that!

Dreamer’s Response: the interpretation is bang on … i am going through a tough phase of life, which is making me take a lot of tough decisions. i am a very emotional person, and generally avoid taking such tough stances… but, i did take the decision to put an end to a toxic relationship and friendships. my boyfriend and friends, were taking me and my friendship for granted. this year, i evaluated the space they were giving me and decided that i was bettter off alone, than being in the company of people who were making me feeling less than what i was and were not appreciating me… so i bid goodbye to long-standing friendships and that was taking a toll on me. i decided to begin anew and invest my emotions more carefully than what i had done in the past and have been hurt pretty badly.

 

Visit Lauri’s site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



What It Means When a Man Won’t Cuddle or Hold Hands

October 21, 2014

1 Comment

photo via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “If the guy I’ve started dating recently isn’t into cuddling or hand-holding, is that automatically a sign that he’s just not that into me, or are some guys just not into private or public displays of affection, no matter whether they’re in love or not?”

Straight Married Guy (Fred): I’ve heard that some men just aren’t into displaying affection.¬† That’s lame and I think they are idiots. But I suspect there really aren’t that many of them.¬† If a guy doesn’t want to cuddle he probably doesn’t want you to feel like he’s your boyfriend.¬† He doesn’t want you to get too close, too fast.¬† Similarly, he could argue that he doesn’t want to lead you on.¬† Hand-holding for many guys is reserved for monogamous relationships.¬† It is a public signal that he is taken.¬† But, I also suspect that if Jennifer Lawrence or Scarlett Johansson wanted to hold his hand he’d be very willing and happy to display to the world “I’m doing her!”¬† So… he’s not that into you.¬† But he may only need more time to get where you are.

Gay Married Guy (Jon): Me, I’m a touchy-feely kind of guy. If I’m digging someone, I let them know it, physically, in as many ways as possible.¬† After some good, or even mediocre sex, there’s nothing better than a nice cuddle to cap off the experience. However, my hubby isn’t so lovey-dovey. He gets hot very quickly and basically endures it for my sake for as long as he can, which usually amounts to about 45 seconds. It used to bother me, but I’ve realized it’s just a quirk of his and really has no bearing on how he feels about me. So I wouldn’t read too much into it if your man isn’t a cuddle bug or or happy hand holder. Ask him, or just give him some time. There are dozens of reasons why he may be just not that into it, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not into you.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): It is entirely possible that your guy is not ever going to show affection for you in public no matter how much he thinks he likes you. Unfortunately, though, this is more often the conscious or unconscious manifestation of him just not being that into you. So you have to look for other signs. Give it some time and try hard not to confuse love with lust. New relationships are often mostly lust disguised as love. Sometimes love follows, and sometimes it doesn’t, but you should give it a chance. If he treats you fantastically all the time and simply isn’t holding your hand or kissing you in public, it may be genuine shyness. But if the public displays of affection are just one more thing in the list of affectionate things he isn’t doing, then it may be time to look elsewhere… That is, unless the sex is fantastic.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here.