Comment of the Week: Harmless Flirtation Is Like Harmless Drunk Driving

photo by Tjook

Johnny had this to say in response to the post “Wise Guys: Is There Such a Thing as Harmless Flirtation?”

The sexual thrill I get from mutual flirtation is very real. It stirs my sanguine humors, you could say.

You could say that this is harmless in itself, but once my sanguine humors head loinward, the likelihood of an actual transgression skyrockets. I’m a thrill-seeker with poor impulse control. I do not stand up well to temptation. For this reason a lot of women who know me think of me as a non-sexual guy. I flip it off like a switch when I’m in a relationship. I am nice and polite and non-flirtatious with the women I know. I don’t want them thinking of me as a sexual possibility. That’s a slippery slope.

So for me it’s like saying there’s harmless drunk driving – bullshit. Just because you didn’t crash doesn’t mean it was safe.

But that’s just me. I fully believe that there are men and women out there who can flirt a little without winding up naked.


  1. I guess it comes down to the difference between being flirtatious and flirting, I totally agree, full on, giving all the signals flirting then pulling away is a bad, cruel, possibly even dangerous idea, but I still say that there’s nothing wrong with indulging in a little sexy banter or mild flirtation with someone other your SO (provided the the person knows that’s all it is) is an ego boost on all sides.. If a guy chats me up in a bar, I’ll enjoy the admiration but I’ll casually drop a reference to my boyfriend into the conversation early on so if he wants to cut and run he’s more than welcome and if he sticks around I know he’s enjoying the converation but knows the score.. :0)

  2. ^ Neither chatting nor banter count as flirting to me, BB. I do both of those things with women and men all the time.

    Flirting confirms attraction. It causes chemicals to start flying around in both parties. When I flirt with a woman and she bounces the flirt back, that confirmation of attraction makes me horny for her.

    Not that I sleep with every woman I flirt with… but I do get arousal from every woman I flirt with. Even that could be innocent enough, but like I said, I’m an appetite guy and it’s better for me to avoid temptation altogether.

  3. Do people really take a few minutes chatting in a bar or whatever that seriously? I am flirtatious, I blame it on a girls school education, my default method for dealing with the opposite sex is to be a bit flirty as as a teenage girl boys were this mysterious thing that had to be sought out so it took me a while to get the hang of just speaking to men normally.. I am, however a responsible flirt, I enjoy the banter when it’s obvious my conversation partner is of the same mind, but I won’t lead someone on who is likely to take it seriously, doing that is harmful flirting, but if everyone understands where they stand and is happy with it where’s the harm?

  4. ^ Not to mention, most of the time the person you’re flirting with doesn’t WANT it to be harmless. “Harmless flirting” has gotten many a woman called cocktease. I’ve never heard a similar term for men who flirt with no intention of following through (clit tease?), but there should be one because women don’t like it any better than men do.

    Haven’t we all been there, men and women? Someone sexy is flirting with you… you totally like them… you have every reason to believe they’re into you too… but when you pull the trigger they’re gone. You later find out they’re taken, and you’re like, “… dammit, I’ve been used for attention and validation. Thanks for getting my hopes up. Fuck her/him.”

    Come on… we’ve all been there.

  5. I completely agree. I am not sure why flirting takes place to begin with if there is no intention of taking things one step further. It is just like dangling a bottle of booze in front of an alcoholic and telling them to resist the temptation.

    I personally feel that if you are in a committed relationship, flirtation should be reserved for your S.O. alone.

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