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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Howdy. When I have a rare wet dream: in it I’m stroking my erect, yard-long, tree-trunk-girth penis (it takes both hands) for an extended and very pleasurable period of time until orgasm, when I wake up. But in both the dream and in real life, I’m a girl. Background information: I’m very happily married and have absolutely no sexual interest in women, although from time to time do I think about how convenient it would be to have a penis for masturbatory and peeing convenience. I have some kind of sexual intercourse at least once a week and masturbate often (non-penetration, hands and vibrator) for extended periods. Ideally, I’d like to do each at least daily but we lead busy lives. Also, my biggest turn-on when masturbating is watching my husband do the same. Finally, until I met him, I’d rarely masturbate and my only sexual experience was giving head infrequently, but afterwards my diversification and frequency of both solo sex and partner sex increased dramatically, and I’d never had a wet dream until after I met him. So what does it all mean? Actually, I would kind of like to have this dream more often as long as it doesn’t mean something really weird about me.

Lauri: The larger something is in a dream, the more of an issue or influence it is in our waking life. That being said, the giant, honkin’ tree-sized erection that you possess in your dream isn’t so much about a waking desire to be hung like a horse but rather about the enormous amount of assertive, male energy that you seem to possess. Would you say you tend to be “firm” in your beliefs and opinions? Are you happy and eager to “stand up” for yourself and do you rarely “bend” to others needs or demands? If so, all that assertive male energy that you not only possess but utilize is something that pleases you about yourself, which is why you are pleasing yourself in the dream. These waking life qualities are certainly good to have but I almost wonder if your dream is showing us that you may want to work on balancing out your so-called male energy with your female energy. You don’t want to over use one and under use the other. T’is always a good idea to be firm and assertive when you need to but also sweet and nurturing when you want to. In addition, your male, assertive qualities may also contribute to – what seems to be – an aversion to being penetrated as well as your thoughts about how much more convenient a penis would be when masturbating. I’d probably have to differ with you on the convenience factor. I mean… seems to me that a penis just creates more of a mess when you’re done, no?

Dreamer’s Response: That bit about assertion is very true about me, I am an extremely assertive person, maybe because I have more testosterone than the typical female (lots of body hair, sometimes inconveniently, for example). In my interactions with others in situations where authority is called for I have no difficulty in wielding that and am very demanding in getting my expectations met, and when I want something I am not shy about pursuing it. However, I’m also very girly-girl in other ways — I love playing with clothes and makeup and if it were possible I would want to have a lot of children and enjoy being around them. But I think your interpretation is plausible in that, given my circumstances, I find I do have to play the assertive role more often than I would like.

You assume correctly that sexually I don’t get much out of penetration. I don’t often have vaginal- or anal-induced orgasms, but on the other end my husband gets a lot out of both places and that is very psychologically rewarding for me. My clitoris is “Old Faithful” and my husband doesn’t get upset at all with, and in fact encourages, my masturbation of it before and/or after he enters me (although he’s been known to lend a hand or something else to save batteries). I agree about the mess afterwards for guys (which both  intrigues and repels me), and then there’s the multiple vs. single orgasm tradeoff. But I sure like the idea of the much larger surface area! And the peeing part of it would be so much more convenient. If only we could have the best of both!

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s book Dream On It, available everywhere!