Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about love and sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
My ex and I broke up about three months ago. Since then, I have thought about him on and off, but barely cried or felt deeply upset. I mostly just felt a sort of acceptance of the breakup, though sometimes it doesn’t quite feel real. I still periodically want to talk, hang out, cuddle, or have sex with him.
Last night I had a dream that I ran into him and his new girlfriend (dream girlfriend — I have not heard that he is dating anyone). When I saw them approaching, I immediately knew who she was, though I’d never met her before, and felt a deep sense of dread. I really did not want to talk to them, but we ended up walking through a park together chatting. Then he went away, and I was left talking to the girlfriend. She said they had just returned from a trip to visit his family. I felt kind of shocked and annoyed by that, since they had only been dating for a month, but didn’t say anything. We continued talking fairly pleasantly and then she left.
I have no idea how I should feel about this dream. When I woke up, the only thought I had about it was, “That girl was in my Spanish class in college.”
Lauri: You should feel good about this dream because it is helping you to move on. While you don’t seem to be pining away and crying into your pillow over your ex, you do seem to kinda, sorta want him back. Through this dream you are figuring out what that may be like, why it ended, and whether you should approach him about it, which is why he approaches you in the beginning of the dream.
The sense of dread you feel is answer enough that this wouldn’t be a good idea — but your dreaming mind does explore this further. The girlfriend in the dream most likely represents the part of you that still wants to be his girlfriend. But notice how he leaves you both in the middle of the dream. That is your dreaming mind’s way of showing you that he’s gone, he’s outta there, and hopefully will be leaving your thoughts as well. Now you are alone, discussing this situation with yourself, which is what dreams are really… conversations with the self. Just as you were annoyed that she had visited his family in the dream, did his family become a problem in real life?
Whatever the case, the thought that you awake with is the message your dreaming mind wants to leave you with. The reference to your Spanish Class may simply mean that the two of you were probably speaking different languages, the communication just wasn’t happening anymore. When the ability to communicate is gone, the relationship soon follows. Best to leave well enough alone and move on with someone that does speak your language and understands you!