Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I’m a guy and I served in the military (the Marines) for nearly 4 years but was kicked out for having a boyfriend. For the past 14 months since this happened, I continue to dream about being in the military. It’s as if I was never kicked out but I haven’t shown up for the past year and I need to go to base to explain why I haven’t been to work in all this time. It’s scary and unpleasant, because my sense of duty to my country has always been strong, but I keep dreaming like I have to apologize, explain to someone why I have been away from the Marines. I have a feeling this has something to do with my real life, explaining to people why I no longer serve in the military is a tough thing to do, because it requires saying I’m gay and that I was kicked out for it under “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”. It is very unpleasant, feeling like I owe people an explanation for being who I am.
Lauri: This is a serious issue for you, an issue that you have not been able to resolve within yourself. And as long as it bothers you the dreams will continue. Since you can’t change the facts — you are no longer in the military and people are likely to continue to ask why — you can change how you allow yourself to be emotionally and psychologically connected to the facts. I could be wrong but it seems the biggest emotional connection you have to this incident is the feeling of defeat or rejection, which seems to overpower the pride or “Semper Fidelis” most Marines carry with them until the day they die. And I bet that is why, in your dreams, you are still in the military: once a Marine, always a Marine. You still identify yourself as such and I bet most of your Marine brothers and sisters do as well. If you can work on making your pride more powerful than your feelings of rejection, your forgiveness stronger than your anger, then these dreams will start to change and will eventually stop.
You can even use these recurring dreams as an effective tool in putting an end to them! Try this tonight at bedtime: write down your dream in as much detail as you remember. When you get to the part where you have to explain why you haven’t been reporting for duty all this time, rather than apologizing, write down what you would really like to say. If you’re angry, go ahead and write out all that ticks you off. Take up as many pages as you have to. Get it all out of you and onto paper. Then, when you feel yourself calming down, I want you to also write out how you forgive (even if you aren’t at that point in your heart yet) because forgiveness is the key to letting go of the past so you can be free to move forward. And these dreams cannot move forward until you move forward.
This WILL work! I’ve seen it work like magic hundreds of times! Remember, you are giving yourself these dreams. They are your creation, therefore you can recreate them to help you achieve the mindset you want. You can do this; you’re a warrior after all! And while they may have taken you out of the Marines, they can’t take the Marine out of you! Stay in touch, and let me know how it goes.