Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I have a little jealousy problem when it comes to my fiance because I know that I’m not perfect in bed. Also, I continue to have a dream that my fiance is cheating on me with my friend and we get into a fight and he defends her and tells me to leave him alone and never talk to him ever again.
Lauri: Not surprisingly, your insecurities about your performance in the sack are very likely the main trigger for these dreams. Our dreams will often cast us in a worst-case scenario, co-starring with our biggest fears, so that we can safely rehearse in our heads in case such a situation should arise in waking life. This is why police officers so often get the dream where their gun won’t shoot and fire fighters get the dream where they can’t locate the victim in a burning building, and so on.
It seems your biggest fear lately is that you aren’t able to please your fiance enough to the point that he will seek his pleasure elsewhere. First off, are you sure? Is this what he has told you? Or are you just psyching yourself out because he is more experienced than you? You may have put yourself into a vicious cycle where your fear feeds the dream and the dream feeds your fear. Let’s put a stop to that right now!
Your dreaming mind is placing your friend into this dream for a reason. Most of the people that appear in your dreams are actually representative of some part of you. Your friend is standing in for the part of you that is a friend to your fiance. Your friend symbolizes friendship. Your dream is trying to show you that you and your fiance are friends first and foremost. Any strong relationship has the building blocks of friendship to support it.
That being said, your dream is showing you that your fiance is attracted to and really digs your friendship. Keep that in mind. Trust in that… and then allow him, as a trusted friend and lover, to teach you what he likes in bed. Allow him to play the role of teacher. It can be quite fun! Explore new and different rhythms, positions, and even places. You’ll start to learn what you like and what you love! The sexual part of the relationship is very important, some would even say sacred, and it shouldn’t have any anxieties attached to it or you’re just asking for trouble. Let go of your inhibitions because, remember, he is not just your lover, he is your friend.