Are you betting that your boyfriend is going to remember Valentine’s Day on Saturday morning and get you a last-minute, heart-shaped box of very unfair-trade chocolates from the mall? Then we recommend “accidentally” leaving this blog entry open on his laptop to steer him in the right direction. Or are you betting that your girlfriend is expecting a last-minute, heart-shaped box of very unfair-trade chocolates from the mall? Then get thee to JimmyJane or GoodVibes stat and order her a pretty-in-pink Jimmyjane Form 6 vibrator — there’s plenty of time for it to arrive by V-Day if you order today. Oh, and if there’s no partner in the picture? Then why not treat yourself to one and spend the entire Valentine’s Day having some quality me time. Its rechargeable battery lasts for two hours, and we bet you can’t say that about the loser who dumped you the week before V-Day.
Admittedly, this vibrator is a bit of a splurge at $185. But what the hell else are cheesy Hallmark holidays for if not to show your genitals that you care enough to send the very best? Here’s what you get for your money…
- From the packaging to the design of the toy to the instruction manual to the recharging station-slash-travel case, the entire thing is 100% classy. So even if your girlfriend isn’t the type to keep a butt plug in her nightstand, it’s not likely to offend her. Forget the Rabbit; this is the kind of vibrator the “Sex & the City” gals would have used, had it been out back then.
- Oh yeah, did we mention it comes with an instruction manual? You’ll notice that cheap knock-off toys don’t, because unlike the Form 6, they’re not actually meant to be used for your pleasure. They’re not even meant to go near your body.
- Speaking of your body, the Form 6 is made of phthalate-free medical-grade silicone and metal. Meaning, it does a body good without doing a body bad.
- You can completely submerge the Form 6 in the bathtub, making it one of the only vibrators in the world that is both rechargeable and truly waterproof. (To really knock it out of the park on V-Day, why not draw your GF a bubble bath, light some candles, pour her a glass of wine, and then give her the Jimmyjane?)
- It’s pretty quiet for the strength vibe it provides, which means it won’t spoil the mood if you use it together, and it won’t get the whole apartment building gossiping if you use it alone.
- It’s got six different vibration modes, six speeds, and five intensity levels — kind of like those massage chairs you sit in for a pedicure, except, you know, orgasmic.
- It’s silky smooth all over with no edges, no corners, and no defined top or bottom — so you get to decide what bit goes where.
- It doesn’t look like a penis, it doesn’t look like a rabbit, it doesn’t have a smiley face, and it’s not “disguised” as a lipstick. In other words, this is a vibrator for grownups.