Dear Dr. Kate,
I have just recently started dating someone who ejaculates each time she has an orgasm. I’ve always wanted to experience it, and I think it’s totally hot. However, she ejaculates such a high volume that I am now wondering if it is actually urine. Sometimes she gets really wet around the outer edge of her vagina, she will drip and things get very slick. Sometimes I see a larger discharge from that same area, which comes from the side of her vagina and is clear and has a unique viscosity. My perception is this is part of her ejaculate. Seconds later, however, she really sprays and it looks like it’s coming from her urethra (I think). It kind of smells like urine too. My questions, then, are: How do I tell the difference between urine and ejaculate? If it does turn out to be urine, how do I talk to my partner about this? I don’t want to make her self conscious but I’m not sure I’m down with her peeing on me each and every time.
— All Wet
It can be really hard to distinguish vaginal fluid (totally normal in all women when they’re aroused) from ejaculate (less common, but still normal) from urine (which happens to the best of us from time to time). The thicker, clear, mucus-like secretions (around her vaginal opening) are most likely from her vagina, and are a sign that she’s really aroused (good for you, as her partner, for doing your share!). The more watery liquid that’s transparent or milky is most likely ejaculate. But remember, unlike vaginal fluids which are secreted from the vagina, ejaculate emanates from the urethra, just like urine — so you can expect trace amounts of pee in ejaculate, or more if her bladder is full.
Therefore, the best way to reduce the chance of passing urine with sex or orgasm (whether female ejaculation occurs or not) is to empty the bladder right before sex. If your girlfriend regularly pees before sex—the best way to prevent bladder infections, incidentally—then it’s unlikely that the spraying fluid is urine. But if she’s not hitting the bathroom before bed, you can try making the suggestion to reduce the chance of accidental leakage.
Tread lightly, however—you don’t want her to feel self-conscious about her body or her enjoyment.
— Dr. Kate
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.