5/12/09
Wise Guys: What's the Big Deal About BJs?

blowpopsphoto by iandeth

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s the big deal about blowjobs — seriously, what makes them so special?

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): On the physical level, it’s simple: they feel fucking amazing. They provide physical sensations so desirable that a straight man would let a queer guy suck him off, either for the right amount of money or with the lights out. It’s that real. But aside from that, I recently asked some straight female friends whether or not they actually enjoy giving head, or do they really just do it because they know the guy will like it. Unanimously they said the latter, and that’s why blowjobs are indeed quite special. For many women (and certainly not all), blowjobs aren’t about the immediate satisfaction of their physical wants, but rather, the pleasure gained from satisfying someone else’s desires. There is an element of selflessness. A woman might even think giving blowjobs is downright nasty, but might continue to blow her man because she gets off on getting her man off. Some guys know this and thus know just how lucky they are for getting one.

Straight Single Guy (Mark): My first reaction is an overwhelming, “What isn’t the big deal about blowjobs?!”  But there’s more than just the primal, physical, when-they’re-good-they’re-freaking-amazing aspect. Of course there’s the stereotype that the appeal of BJs is about some sort of control or domination/submissiveness, but I think there are deeper factors involved, like trust and acceptance, that truly make them so great. Oral sex — in both directions, by the way — can in many ways be even more intimate than the regular ol’ in-n-out.

We don’t always acknowledge the more emotional aspects of oral, but — even if partly subconsciously — those elements probably get closer to the heart of what makes this expression of affection so special.  To be face-to-face and naughty-bits-to-naughty-bits is one thing.  But for your partner to be so into you that s/he would go downtown and get up-close-and-personal to provide pleasure exclusively to you (okay, there are those of us who derive almost as much from giving as receiving, but that’s another story)…well, I think that’s a pretty gosh darn “big deal”!

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Blowjobs used to be really, really stigmatized and therefore really, really rare. Even for couples in long-term relationships.  In a few states in the U.S. it might still legally be sodomy, even for heterosexuals, and in the past it’s been strongly associated with “latent” homosexuality, porn, and prostitution — and strongly not associated with “good girls.”  Something else contributing to the stigma:  blowjobs break the gender rule that sex is something for men to do and women receive. And all those insults with the word “suck” in them?  Some of those used to be taken deadly seriously.

Nowadays, not so much. But add up the little bits of historical taboo, the little bit of gender-bending for both men and women, and the fact that blowjobs feel very good and… well, that’s enough to make them seem pretty special.  Which, incidentally, I think they ought to be.  Special. Instead of, oh, say, obligatory.  Not least because when they start feeling obligatory, men’s partners start wondering, well, what makes them so special?

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech god at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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16 Comments on "Wise Guys: What's the Big Deal About BJs?"

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tboz
tboz
5 years 3 months ago
I do not have a strong background with datin tons of different people. I was married 2 years into college and remained married for a while. My exhusband and I explored oral sex a few times but just felt that it was not for us. I am remarried and my husband says in one breath that oral sex is not a big issue but in the next breath he holds it over head, that I have not performed it on him yet. I honestly am a woman that can take it or leave it. He states that it proves other… Read more »
Caris
Caris
5 years 6 months ago
I’m 18 and gave head on my boyfriend a few days ago, we’d just spent the best part of two hours making out and i was very turned on, as was he. Prior to seeing him i was contemplating going down on him, but was obviously nervous, but when it came to it he didn’t stop me and i just went for it. He loved it and it was the best feeling in the world to see him enjoying it so much he couldn’t even talk, i felt his hands grab the bed and it was a massive turn on.… Read more »
Mike
Mike
6 years 10 months ago
From a man’s point of view… First off..it feels good. Also just the thought that you love your man enough to put his penis into your mouth is just the beginning. I mean, it’s obviously the most intimate part of his body, so right there that’s a huge turn on for most guys. Some guys dont care for it or they are not really into it. Which is fine. There are plenty of other ways to show effection. I mean…some people are turned on by sucking on toes…or fingers. Everyone is different. The feeling is like a snowball effect. A… Read more »
Alexandria
Alexandria
7 years 1 month ago

Strangely enough, me and my boyfriend both love performing oral sex… and not recieving it *thud*. This leads to a lot of awkwardness. Nothing like not being able to do something you really enjoy without turning off the other person. It’s not we can’t appreciate the theory… It’s just that physically, it’s not our cup of tea. Weird…

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
7 years 2 months ago

gotcha slartibart… I misunderstood the first time. 🙂

cornell_guy
cornell_guy
7 years 2 months ago
Checked back in after a day or so to see what was going on. The woman who commented a guy had better seek a new g/f if she wasn’t going down on him is 100% right. A girl I was with before I married my wife was an absolute she-devil who thrived on a high-protein diet. I’ve spent my entire life wishing my wife was of the same mind set. It’s not that she won’t, but she mandates I wear one of those non-lubed, non-reservoir tipped condoms, and it’s just not the same. As for men who don’t like going… Read more »
LoveIt
LoveIt
7 years 2 months ago
I love giving my husband head. Always have, always will. I take every opportunity I can to do that. I don’t feel as if it is degrading. I truly enjoy, and crave it. I can get off while getting him off with only performing the act on him (look ma, no hands!). We all have our feelings, beliefs, and preferences. I love regular intercourse as well, but when it comes to oral, I would prefer to give than receive (and yes, he is quite skilled). It is as simple as that. I love every part of my man, c*ck and… Read more »
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