Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s the big deal about blowjobs — seriously, what makes them so special?
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): On the physical level, it’s simple: they feel fucking amazing. They provide physical sensations so desirable that a straight man would let a queer guy suck him off, either for the right amount of money or with the lights out. It’s that real. But aside from that, I recently asked some straight female friends whether or not they actually enjoy giving head, or do they really just do it because they know the guy will like it. Unanimously they said the latter, and that’s why blowjobs are indeed quite special. For many women (and certainly not all), blowjobs aren’t about the immediate satisfaction of their physical wants, but rather, the pleasure gained from satisfying someone else’s desires. There is an element of selflessness. A woman might even think giving blowjobs is downright nasty, but might continue to blow her man because she gets off on getting her man off. Some guys know this and thus know just how lucky they are for getting one.
Straight Single Guy (Mark): My first reaction is an overwhelming, “What isn’t the big deal about blowjobs?!” But there’s more than just the primal, physical, when-they’re-good-they’re-freaking-amazing aspect. Of course there’s the stereotype that the appeal of BJs is about some sort of control or domination/submissiveness, but I think there are deeper factors involved, like trust and acceptance, that truly make them so great. Oral sex — in both directions, by the way — can in many ways be even more intimate than the regular ol’ in-n-out.
We don’t always acknowledge the more emotional aspects of oral, but — even if partly subconsciously — those elements probably get closer to the heart of what makes this expression of affection so special. To be face-to-face and naughty-bits-to-naughty-bits is one thing. But for your partner to be so into you that s/he would go downtown and get up-close-and-personal to provide pleasure exclusively to you (okay, there are those of us who derive almost as much from giving as receiving, but that’s another story)…well, I think that’s a pretty gosh darn “big deal”!
Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Blowjobs used to be really, really stigmatized and therefore really, really rare. Even for couples in long-term relationships. In a few states in the U.S. it might still legally be sodomy, even for heterosexuals, and in the past it’s been strongly associated with “latent” homosexuality, porn, and prostitution — and strongly not associated with “good girls.” Something else contributing to the stigma: blowjobs break the gender rule that sex is something for men to do and women receive. And all those insults with the word “suck” in them? Some of those used to be taken deadly seriously.
Nowadays, not so much. But add up the little bits of historical taboo, the little bit of gender-bending for both men and women, and the fact that blowjobs feel very good and… well, that’s enough to make them seem pretty special. Which, incidentally, I think they ought to be. Special. Instead of, oh, say, obligatory. Not least because when they start feeling obligatory, men’s partners start wondering, well, what makes them so special?
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech god at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.