Your Call: Should She Fight for Her Ex?

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We feel just awful that we can’t answer every single advice question we get, but we figure that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why, once a week, we’ll let you guys decide how to advise a reader. Make your call by filling out the poll after the jump:

Dear Em & Lo,

My boyfriend moved out in January; we had been together almost three years. We were having financial problems, he was out of work, and in my eyes he wasn’t trying hard enough to find a job.  They say hindsight is 20-20, I look back and realize that I pushed a good man away, between my insecurities and my constant bickering and lack of trust. I’ve spent the past few months “working” on myself, just spending time at home going back over my relationship. And now I feel like I’m really ready to be with him again. He on the other hand jumped into a relationship with another woman. I don’t blame him because I physically and emotionally pushed him away. It’s a classic case of a rebound relationsip. I guess my question is how long do I wait to try and win him back? We have a lot of mutual friends who say this and that, but I want an opinion from someone on the outside.

— Second Thoughts

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11 Comments on "Your Call: Should She Fight for Her Ex?"

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6 years 6 months ago

I totally think it’s time to move on and start fresh. I’ve learned that’s it’s very hard and stressful to try to recreate your image with a person who already has a negative impression of you. You may find that you always feel like they’re trying to prove yourself or convince them how different you are when they’ve already made up their mind that you’re a certain way and you’ll always be that way.

Dave W
6 years 7 months ago

It seems to me that every response in the poll, except for the first, involves moving on. And Max had some good insight into the first response. If you’re not moving on, whatchya doin’? Waiting by the phone? That’s never pretty. Your ex and newgirl could be together for a while. There might be an opportunity to get back together in the future, but heck, maybe you won’t be interested at that point. Or, with him being a good guy, and you being a better person, maybe it could work out.

6 years 7 months ago

If you chase him now it’s just a case of wanting what you can’t have; the worst rap against women in general.

6 years 7 months ago

I chose “don’t wait a second” because telling him does NOT equate with “home-wrecking”.

Telling him doesn’t mean you two are going to jump into the sack.

But what telling him MIGHT do is help him better understand the breakup in the first place, and help mend whatever pain he might still experience as a result of it.

It’s just communication.

But you should understand that telling him IS different than trying to win him back.

6 years 7 months ago

I choose wait until he’s single, though really, I’d say, wait until you’re not single then you are. I got back with my ex after two years last year. and you know what? three months wasn’t enough time to process, wasn’t enough time to mean it if I said I changed. live your life. live with yourself for a while, and seriously-go on dates with other people too. If you really want him back you have time. and I like what someone said above “if the same thing happened, what would be different?” really. what would? if you are going to get back with him, you’d better have a good answer for that.