17 Things We WISH Occurred Only Every 17 Years (Or Less)

photo via flickr

The bizarre, unsettling cicada invasion got us thinking about all the other kinds of things that would be way easier to handle if they occurred only every 17 years…

  1. A D-list reality TV star’s sex tape is “accidentally” distributed.
  2. UTI’s.
  3. Someone says “I’ll call you” and never does.
  4. Reverse wheelbarrow sex.
  5. A douche-bag ex has the kind of earth-shaking sex that makes them feel like they just invented a whole new act.
  6. Ryan Lochte’s abs get network TV coverage.
  7. Periods.
  8. “Negging” a woman on the pick-up scene actually works.
  9. A woman fakes her orgasm with a man she loves.
  10. Crabs.
  11. Dry-humping on the dance floor.
  12. Divorce.
  13. Sex parties with a cold cuts buffet.
  14. Yeast infections.
  15. The condom breaks.
  16. Someone loses the key to the police-issue handcuffs.
  17. Heartbreak.