20 Things to Love About Committed Sex

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Wow, you guys really love committed sex! And you especially love to get a little kinky with your committed partners. (Either that or you just really lust after LELO’s pleasure objects.) But we have a feeling it’s both. We truly struggled to pick just one winner in our LIV2 committed sex contest, and, as you’ll see, we included an unusually long list of runners-up. The winner will receive a LIV2 by LELO – it’s the newly upgraded edition of their iconic mid-sized vibrator, now 100% more powerful! And the runners-up, published below, get the admiration of you, dear EMandLO.com readers.

In addition to the runners-up below, you’ll see that we included a special “Deep Thoughts from Dave” section. Reader Dave was almost our grand prize winner, but Kitten just nudged him out — however, Dave entered so many times, you might say he was truly committed to this contest. And we think it’s always good to hear from a man who digs monogamous committed sex in so many ways. Happily, it turns out that our friends at LELO agree with us, which is why they agreed to send an additional LIV2 to Dave and his wife! We heart all of you for reminding us how much there is to love about monogamy.


My favorite thing about committed sex has to be the freedom to propose and experiment with old or new things without fear of being thought odd. Everyone has those fleeting or long-term fetishes that are easier (and more fun, imo!) to feel out with someone who knows your groove and can usually discern your thought process. But even beyond this is the ability to act out your fantasies with the person onto whom you’ve been projecting them. Whether it be hot, wild sex or luxurious and sensual lovemaking, I’m giddy and pleased as punch after connecting with my boyfriend this way.

He and I both liken our sex together to old-fashioned video games, where getting through each level was fun and engaging, but you got better each go-around and found the tips, tricks, and Easter eggs that added new dimensions to the experience. I love observing him and his reactions to what I’m doing, and when we figure out a new combination of techniques that woks for either of us, you can be sure there are fireworks! And afterwards, the shared sense of “that was..wow!” and knowing that you still haven’t figured out all the iterations leaves me eager to experience it again or explore a different way. Being able to stir each other’s passions and build our shared intimacy really makes me feel sexy, and it all feeds back into the relationship. — Kitten


  1. My favorite thing about committed sex is the knowledge that we have both decided to give up all the others. I never would have thought, when I was younger, that monogamy could be sexy. But knowing that my man is the only one who gets to touch my body, and vice versa, is way more of a turn on then a one-night stand. — J
  2. The best thing: there’s always another chance to do it better. You’re committed, so you learn from one another. If you have an off night, it’s okay; there’s tomorrow. The pressure to be “perfect” erodes with time, but the desire to find new and better ways to increase each other’s pleasure–and the ability to do so–grows with time. And this attitude isn’t reserved for the bedroom; it’s for all aspects of your relationship. Commitment is an understood promise to keep trying. At the end of the night, I know that this person who had earth-shattering sex with me will be there tomorrow and we can do it all over again. I also know that this person who stopped mid-coitus to hold me while I cried about something will be there tomorrow and we can try again. Having sex with a person, and not a body, complicates things, but it is from those complications that potential for greatness derives. — Dannie
  3. The ability to set a scene, hours, days, or even weeks in advance, building the anticipation, teasing, maybe with a text message at work, or a whisper in an ear. It can make every touch…every eye contact…every verbal communication…astoundingly hot. — D-Ref
  4. The best part about committed sex is not having to worry about it afterward. No awkward text messages, no more games. If both people go to bed with just the intention of pleasing the other person, everything usually works just fine. — AmyBeth
  5. Being able to get that daily dose of oxytocin and bond deeper everytime chemically. Making love not just having sex. Every happy, healthy relationship requires the freedom of committed, regularly practiced sex with the person they love. There’s nothing that compares to the connection of two souls…physically, mentally, or emotionally. — Jess
  6. My favorite thing about sex in a committed relationship is that you have a safe place to really open up to your partner. You can talk about your likes, dislikes, your fantasies…but perhaps more importantly, you can hear about what they like, what their fantasies are, and you can find creative ways to explore and be intimate. If you are with someone you just met, chances are you won’t feel comfortable talking about your fetish, or your kinky bondage fantasy. Sex is better when you can really open up to your partner without fear of rejection or judgment. — LG
  7. The best thing to me about committed sex (and this is coming from a girl who was a one-night stand enthusiast) besides the closeness and love connection during sex (and that’s a HUGE bonus, not undermining it at all but I’m trying to avoid being sappy), is that you know each other well enough to be able to giggle about it, and open and comfortable enough to try it out when your man pulls out a gigantic purple dildo. There. I said it! How he got the guts to go into a porn shop and buy it still blows my mind though — Valerina
  8. My favorite thing about committed sex is the senses. I LOVE my husband’s natural scent, how his skin feels when I touch him, how he tastes, the sound of him breathing and how he looks at me when we’re making love! I was hooked from day one and after 20 years together it’s still heaven. — Cindy
  9. My favorite thing about sex in a committed relationship is that it’s a shared experience of the best of both worlds. Depending on the mood, it can be fiery and passionate as though we just met or it can be tender and safe as though we’ve been doing this for years. I love that my man and I feel safe enough with each other to explore our desires and explore the entire spectrum of pleasure. For me,at the end of the day the pleasure is that much sweeter because I’m experiencing and sharing it with someone I know and love dearly. — Laura
  10. Erotic sex. Sweet, soft, tender sex. Raunchy down-‘n’-dirty sex. Urgent sex. Slow, leisurely, sex. Up-against-the-wall sex. Silly sex. Sweaty sex. Sensual sex. Mind blowing sex. Thank-god-we-finally-had-sex sex. Quiet sex. Wake-the-neighbors sex. Morning sex. Kitchen sex. Ho-hum sex. Nasty sex. Loving sex. Monogamy doesn’t have to mean monotony. The very best part about sex in an exclusive relationship is that there’s endless room to creatively define and redefine your sexuality. Room to explore and discover the vast ocean of sensual possibilities. The sturdier the ship, the greater the adventure. — Ev


  1. One of my favorite things about committed sex is that we don’t have to be embarrassed about anything. We have seen, felt, smelled, heard, and tasted everything about each other, so there are no surprises. We know each other’s bodies, we know each others best points & know each others flaws, and know that we each accept the other partner unconditionally.
  2. What do I love about committed sex? That I don’t have to go through all of the hassle required to find a partner… Frankly, I rather enjoy the “hassle” involved in keeping my wife happy, but the whole pursuit thing is for the birds.
  3. For me, it is that natural organic connection — the bond that allows for a very deep level of communication, often without a single word spoken. My wife and I can easily read each other, both emotionally and to understand what each can do to optimize the other’s pleasure.
  4. The best part about committed sex (for me): not worrying about my partner’s disease or contraceptive status (and not having to wear condoms).
  5. Willingness to explore our sexuality over a longer period of time.
  6. For me, it is that natural organic connection — the bond that allows for a very deep level of communication, often without a single word spoken. My wife and I can easily read each other, both emotionally and to understand what each can do to optimize the other’s pleasure.
  7. Another great thing about having committed sex is the ability to be creative without being judged…to be a little silly, or to be a little intense, or to be a little emotional, and to not be constantly worried about doing the “wrong” thing.
  8.  Trust and willingness to be vulnerable.
  9. What do I love most about committed sex (cheesy, pluggy entry): Being in my committed relationship, I already know from experience that my wife will love a Liv 2, as we already own a Lelo Gigi that is a big hit, and twice the power can only make it better.