The Year According to Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Lawrence

2013 was the year when two twenty-something women, Miley Cyrus, 21, and Jennifer Lawrence, 23, mouthed off — like, a lot. They both talked like they couldn’t give a sh*$, but we happen to think that JLaw (is that how the kids do it these days?) really doesn’t care what we think, while Miley’s quotes are a very calculated performance to raise her profile — but we guess you’ve got to give her props for that, in a way, because it’s working. Still, we’re team Jennifer all the way, but maybe that’s just ’cause we’re old. See what you think…

On Popularity

“Even people who want to hate on me, they can’t even shut down the fact that I’m literally what everyone is talking about. I don’t want to say that I’m on top right now — I feel like I’m kind of an underdog in a cool way. It’s almost punk rock to like me, because it’s not the right thing to do.” — Miley

“My main worry is that people will start hating what I hate about myself. I worry that everybody will think I am really annoying and just want me to shut up. Which would make so much sense because I annoy myself. … I guess I want people to know that if they are annoyed with me, I get it, it’s totally cool. Please forgive me.” — JLaw

On Substance Abuse

“I was just walking out of my room [at the MTV EMAs], and then I was like ‘Oh I have this [joint] in my bag, that will be really funny.’ I just did it mostly because I knew the fans in Amsterdam would love it, and they started going crazy when I did it.” — Miley

[Preparing for the Oscars] “I did a shot before.” — JLaw

On Other Celebrities

“[Steve Carell] always gives me the stank eye because I drive so fast. The other day, I was trying to reverse, and I almost hit a thousand things, and I was getting nervous because I could see him . . . I’m like, oh, my God, Dan in Real Life is watching me right now!” — Miley

“I turned into a perverted guy [at this party], I was following [John Stamos] into rooms and staring at his a**. … I just started really freaking out, and he asked me if I was on mushrooms, and I was like, ‘No, I am dead sober. This is just me.’ ” — JLaw

On Sleep

“I’m gonna sleep when I’m dead ’cause right now, this isn’t the time to be worried about how many hours of sleep you can get or how much you can hang out.” — Miley

“I don’t like going out that much. I’m kind of an old lady. After it’s 11, I’m like ‘Don’t these kids ever get tired?’ When I’m out, I think about my couch.” — JLaw

On Their Own Talents

“I haven’t really seen one bad comment about my twerk video. This is the first thing! All right, I can’t sing, I can’t act, I’m dumb, I’m a hillbilly, but I can twerk, so whatever!” — Miley

“Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, ‘How can you remain with a level head?’ And I’m like, ‘Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.'” — JLaw

On Their “Looks”

“It’s a strategic hot mess.” — Miley

“I really would not call myself a fashion icon. I would call myself somebody who gets dressed by professionals. [It’s like], ‘Dance, monkey, dance’ right on the red carpet.’ I would call me more of a monkey.” — JLaw

On Beauty

“Beauty is the enemy . We try to conquer not feeling beautiful all our lives. It’s a battle that can’t be won. There’s no definition of beauty. The only way to achieve beauty is to feel it from inside without breaking down into individual physical attributes” — Miley

“Screw those people [who judge others based on appearance]. If you don’t look like an airbrushed model …you have to look past it. You look how you look. What are you going to do, be hungry every single day to make other people happy? That’s just dumb.” — JLaw

On Fat-Shaming

“By calling girls like me fat, this is what you’re doing to other people.” — Miley, via Twitter alongside a photo of an emaciated woman*

“I just think it should be illegal to call somebody fat on TV. If we’re regulating cigarettes and sex and cuss words because of the effect it has on our younger generation, why aren’t we regulating things like calling people fat?” — JLaw

On Each Other

“People will say, ‘Oh, Liam is so close to Jennifer Lawrence.’ Well, yeah — they shot a movie together! He’s supposed to ignore her because she’s a chick?” — Miley

[When asked about the sexualization of women in the entertainment industry like Miley Cyrus] “Sex sells, and for some disgusting reason young sex sells even more.”– JLaw

“Twerking with a dwarf? To each their own.” — JLaw

On Keepin’ It Real

“This is who I am. I think it’s only hard if you’re trying to be something you’re not. Being who you are is really easy.” — Miley

“I’m so aware of all the B.S. that surrounds Hollywood, and how everyone gets on this high horse and thinks that they’re curing cancer and it makes me so uncomfortable every time I see it. So I go in the exact opposite direction and end up saying something like ‘I’m pregnant!’ when I’m in two franchises.” — JLaw

On Camel Toe

[Not a word from Miley on this topic. She lets her revealing outfits speak for themselves]

“I was surprised at how little camel toe problem there was [when I wore the wetsuit in Catching Fire]. I was expecting a lot more.” — JLaw

On Being Quiet for Just Five Minutes

“I’ve never just been able to be alone, and I’m obsessed with being alone and hearing my thoughts. I’m trying to take this alone time — the five minutes I do have a day — to learn as much as I can.” — Miley

“My therapist said it would be good if for every hour, I tried to be quiet for five minutes. But I couldn’t really hear what she was saying because I was talking.” — JLaw

* Okay, so this one quote is not actually from 2013; turns out Miley had much less to say about fat-shaming once she shrunk herself to near-emaciated proportions.