All posts by Em & Lo

SpatSolver, the Ultimate Argument Resolution Device

spatsolverInfomercial parodies are a fine art that only a few have mastered. But we think YourTango has just joined the ranks of elite spoofers with their “SpatSolver.” We guarantee you’ll be wishing this thing was real in seconds! Yeah, the commercial goes on a little too long, and the free “Apologizer” is pretty unfunny, but the site itself is impressively authentic looking and the bit about wearing the SpatSolver as a fashion accessory is Bumpits genius.

This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
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Comment of the Week: There’s No Such Thing As TMI with STDs

megaphone_blowhornphoto by altemark

It’s quite arrogant to think you have the right to minimize any STD. It is true that millions of Americans have HPV, it is true that some people’s immune systems are able to kick it… BUT what about all the rest of the people who have to suffer with it for the rest of their lives? What of the women who may get cervical cancer from one of the really nasty strains? NO person has the right to decide for someone else what kind of risks are acceptable… We are individuals and thus have to respect each individual’s views and concerns for their own bodies. Part of respecting other people’s rights to dictate what happens to their bodies is treating that person with respect by giving the person ALL the facts about what they’re getting into. (No pun intended.) YOU may not feel like HPV is a serious disease, but they might — or not. You don’t know and you haven’t the right to decide for them whether they should be concerned or not. If this question was concerning AIDS, this wouldn’t even be an issue. We all know that information has to be disclosed, for not disclosing such is akin to manslaughter. Why [should] it be any different for any other STD?

Spes, on the post “Do I Have to Tell My Partner I Have HPV?”

Confession: I’m an Expert Sexter

lingerie_iphone_421photo by CoreForce

Our contributor is a junior in college. And that’s all she’s willing to say. Except this…

Sexting, for the uninitiated, involves sending texts that are sexual in nature. These can range from straightforward (e.g. “I want to fuck you right now”) to graphically descriptive (use your imagination). And, if you’re brave — or, perhaps, foolhardy — they may include photo messages, too.

The man I sext with is not my boyfriend, or even an ex. We have not established what we are yet, or what we will be in the future, but we do sext nearly every night. We were co-workers, then we hooked up and then, just when we’d started to figure out that we really liked each other, he moved 9 hours away for a new job. So now we are in an e-relationship with the occasional phone call and sexy video chat. (more…)

Econ 101 for the Pickup Scene

corporate_growth_chartimage from nDevilTV

Economies of Scale is a “theory of seduction” positing that the more you put yourself out there, the better you’ll do. Duh, you say. But, like the greatest economic theories, it gets better as you unpack it.

Say you spy the woman/man of your dreams sipping a green-tea latte at the Soy Luck Club café: You’re almost guaranteed to spaz out when you approach them, unless you’re naturally blessed with balls/labes of steel. What hope do you have of maintaining your cool as you try to give your future spouse your phone number, scrawled on an unbleached, recycled napkin?

What if, instead, you approached every cutie who caught your eye, on a daily basis? The stakes would be much lower, because you couldn’t possibly go out with every one of them—so what would you care about a rejection or fifteen? This laissez-faire approach lowers your desperation level, which inversely affects your sex appeal. Now, that’s what we call a return on investment.

Once you’ve mastered your master-of-seduction role, resist spreading the love too thinly, lest you leave a trail of broken vegan hearts in your wake.

From our weekly Metro column — see it in print here.

O-Face Video Site Beautiful Agony Turns Five

orgasm_faces

BeautifulAgony.com launched in 2004 as a response to what the founders saw as a vacuum of real erotica on the Internet. It features videos of contributors’ o-faces, i.e. orgasms from the neck up. Hundreds and hundreds of videos later — they update each weekday — the site is still going strong. It’s heavy-breathing sexy without being obscene in the slightest — quite an accomplishment. You have to pay to join ($14.95 a month) but there are plenty of free samples in case your sex life is on a recession-induced budget. We chatted with c0-founder Lauren Olney about the site:

Do you post every video you receive?
Unfortunately not all the videos we receive make the cut. Mostly it’s technical problems that prevent us from using a contribution: poor lighting, framing, or flashing a little too much flesh. Anything that’s obviously faked or exaggerated will also get politely declined we’re looking for authenticity, genuine emotion — and believe me, after five years, we know how to spot a fake! We also require a Confessions interview with each Beautiful Agony submission, so if a contributor is not willing to speak openly and honestly about themselves and/or their experiences on camera, then we can’t really use their “o-face” video, no matter how sensational it might be.

So how do you determine if someone’s faking it?
Recently I worked out I’ve witnessed something in the region of 2,500 orgasms since the project began and I can honestly say, after that many, it really does just becomes second nature! Genuine emotion is in the tiniest, tell-tale details: the sex-flush, dilating pupils, beads of sweat, the sounds, the breathing rhythms, the body language. Of course you get wild screamers, but you’re going on an intense journey with that person and so you really see how their experience evolves. The Confessions interviews are very helpful at providing an insight into individual personalities too. But really, what’s the point in contributing if you’re going to fake it? Most people are honest in their approach to Beautiful Agony, and those few that aren’t really just misunderstand the concept of the project. All the exaggerated porn faces, the “oohs” and “aaahs” and “”fuck me, fuck me harder baby, oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah…” —  that isn’t an orgasm, that’s bad acting!

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Your Call: Can You Start from Scratch with an Ex?

go_out_with_me_t-shirtZazzle T-shirt

Dear Em & Lo,

I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, due to some problems with the relationship and some awful things that were going on in my personal life — it was just too much stress. I still have feelings for my ex, however, and recently we started talking and he wants to get back together. However, I just don’t feel ready to jump back in to a full fledged relationship. What I’m wondering is, can we date causally for a while first? I don’t want to just jump right back in because I feel like we’ll gloss over the whole getting-to-know-you part that we initially missed. We never had a casual dating period where we were seeing each other as well as other people, and though I don’t have any other interests on the horizon, I feel like a period where we just take things slowly and understand whether we’re truly compatible would be smart. But is it too late for that? Would it be unfair for me to request it? Is this a case where I have to go all or nothing? Help!!!

Sincerely,
Gun-shy

What do you think Gun-shy should do? Let her know in the comments below:

Naked News, Gay Marriage Edition

gayrights_chart_421summary of states attitudes on gay rights issues

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Dream Interpretation: Naked Coworker, But I Just Saw a Chair

man_naked_chair2

photo by dalcharl

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

For several years I have worked with someone whom I find to be very attractive mentally, physically, and emotionally. In the last year he has become a supervisor, and so while we see each other at work, we no longer spend very much time together talking as we used to and our relationship seems less close. In the last year I have had a few dreams about him. The most recent dream I had was quite strange. I dreamed that I went into the break room at work and he was there reading a newspaper. He lowered the paper and smiled at me like he had been waiting for me, and at that point I realized he was reading the paper in the nude. I don’t remember being surprised or shocked at that but I was shocked to discover he was sitting in an easy chair in our break room. I was more concerned about where the chair came from than the fact that he had no clothes on.
(more…)

Blog Snog: Unslutty Costumes and Spooky Pick-Up Moves

halloween_costume_legophoto by AMagill

A weekly roundup of some of our favorite sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites:

The “Vulva Love Lovely” Etsy Store

vulva_love_etsy_421There’s an Etsy retailer called Vulva Love Lovely dedicated exclusively to women’s genital and reproductive artsy craftsy thingies. We could maybe see carrying around one of their little generic vulva pendants on a keychain as a funny feminist statement…maybe. But wearing a custom-made, realistic rendering of your very own naughty bits around your neck? That takes serious labes.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Slutty Pirate Panties a New Low for Our Nation

sexy_pirate_costume_halloween

If you hadn’t guessed yet, slutty Halloween costumes are a bit of a pet issue of ours, especially — okay, mostly — Em’s. Em thinks Halloween turns the country into a nation of Hooters waitresses; Lo thinks that if a fully grown woman wants to use the spooky holiday to embrace her inner exhibitionist, she should go for it (so long as she doesn’t bring her 7-year-old daughter along for the ride). But even Lo was appalled at the selection of available women’s outfits at the local costume shop this year — it was damn near impossible to find a packaged vampire or ghost number that didn’t require at least one tit to be hanging out. Take this photo we snapped there, of a slutty pirate outfit: the packaging helpfully explains that the costume includes (1) hat, (2) dress, (3) panty. Leaving aside for a second how gross the word “panty” is in the singular — seriously, pirate panties? We believe we have reached a new low point. The costume doesn’t come with those boots, however — we guess they figure that every woman just happens to have a pair of thigh-high black latex lace-up boots in the back of her closet. Anyway, Happy Halloween, folks! And here’s an awesome ad from the Girls Costume Warehouse to lead you into the spooky weekend. Sexy jar of mustard, aw yeah.

Halloween Haiku Contest Winners

halloween_zombies_kissphoto by zenobia joy

Last week we asked you to submit one or more haikus that combined love and/or sex with the macabre in honor of Halloween for the chance to win a LoveHoney “Death by Orgasm” mini-vibe. Eight of you delivered the 10 winning mini-poems — congratulations! (Those who’ll receive more than one bullet can make a few lucky friends very happy.) Thanks to all who entered. And Happy Halloween!

Pam from Saint Paul, MN:

please, babe? just the tip?
he thrusts, and…did it break off?
no more zombie sex

orgasm was great
‘cept i’m a male black widow
worth it? i think so

two bodies, writhing,
thrusting, straining, almost there —
oh no — heart attack

Adam from Boynton Beach, FL:

Vamp sex is macabre.
Or maybe it’s ma-cab-re.
Either way, it’s hot.

“Zombie Viagra!
Better than rigor mortis!”
(…I’ll miss Billy Mays.)

(more…)

10 Reasons Why the First Marriage Rocks Our World

obamas_dancingphoto by cliff1066

The cover story in this weekend’s New York Times Magazine is about the First Marriage. It’s both inspiring and a little chastening — let’s see you be President or First Lady and still rock hot monogamy like that. And also a little terrifying — how would we ever recover from an Obama divorce? We’d lose faith in the very institution of marriage! So please, Mr. and Mrs. Obama, hang in there, for us. Here are top 10 reasons why we think they will:

  1. They don’t think it’s dorky to arrange date nights. (Since when did it become uncool to use the term “date night,” anyway? We’re standing by it proudly.) Speaking of date nights, he once upgraded dinner-and-a-movie to dinner-and-a-Broadway-show, which would be torture for most straight guys we know.
  2. When they dance they still look as in love as if it were the first dance at their wedding — except that it’s newly-wed bliss mixed with the kind of wise, knowing, deep love that you get — if you’re truly lucky — after seventeen years of marriage and two kids.
  3. Which is not to say that they’re above a little buddy-buddy fist-bumping.
  4. They work out together and just started playing tennis together. “He wins,” she said. “For now,” he added. Which we’re convinced improves their sex life. Whatever it is, you can tell they’re still hot for each other.
  5. Also, they play Scrabble together.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Comment of the Week: Pro-Choice Means Giving Him a Choice, Too

pro_choice_abortion_march

photo by internets_dairy

I’ve always known that I’m in a minority on this issue, but I’m going to voice it anyway.

I absolutely believe that if a mother doesn’t want the child and the father does, that she should carry the child to term and he raises the child. Is that “imposing” on the woman’s body? Perhaps. But they were equal partners in the situation knowing full well how a pregnancy works. They deserve to be equal partners in making the decision.

I am pro-choice, which in my mind says the man deserves a choice too. I think the fact that we as a society say “it’s a woman’s body, it’s her choice” helps to perpetuate irresponsible fathers who *don’t* participate in the decision and child-rearing. We send a message that the woman is dominant and the man is helpless. How can we do that and then be surprised that some men take the low-maintenance route.

I know my opinions are controversial. And I am a woman. I am a woman who also had an unplanned pregnancy where I didn’t know who the father was. I told both potential men and involved them both in the final decision of the child’s fate. Was it *ultimately* my choice? Yes. But the child was only half mine and the men deserved input on their own child’s future.

Period.

If I had wanted an abortion and one of them wanted to keep the child, I would have carried it for them. It’s not surrogacy. And it’s not “unfair” or “imposing rights on/over my body.” It’s dealing with the consequences of your actions. Women are equally as responsible as men in these situations and we know it. Taking away a man’s right to decide his child’s future is vile to me.

Katie, commenting on “Your Call: Do We Need Male Reproductive Rights?”

Who Gets to Keep the Ring After a Broken Engagement?

Our friend Robin Epstein and her sister Amy Epstein Feldman just wrote a hilarious (not to mention helpful) book called  So Sue Me, Jackass! Avoiding Legal Pitfalls That Can Come Back to Bite You at Work, at Home, and at Play. Over the past few weeks, we’ve published excerpts answering questions like “Can you keep an ex from posting your nudie pics?” and If you get married while drunk, does it count? For this last installment, we’ll learn who gets to keep the ring.

Q: When my ex-fiancé broke our engagement, Señor Shitface told me he’d be needing his grandmother’s ring back. I told him the only way he’d see that ring again was when my fist connected with his nose. He claims the engagement ring is his. I say it’s mine. Who’s right . . . and who gets to keep the rock?

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