All posts by Em & Lo

Wise Guys: Are Men Hardwired to Cheat?

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photo by pasukaru76

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week we ask, “Are men hardwired to cheat? More than women?“

Straight Married Guy (Ben): When it comes to sex, sexuality and attraction, men ARE hardwired for many things. We are hardwired to notice — men, women, whatever your sexual preference. We are hardwired to assess — breasts, ass, legs, face. We notice and then assess. Attractive? How so? What about these breasts is hot? What about those legs? How does the whole package work together? Men are also hardwired for sex — sex with a partner(s), sex with strangers, sex alone — and often times these three hardwires get crossed and that’s where fantasies can come from. Or random pick-ups. Men are NOT, however, hardwired to cheat. Cheating = lying and deceit and no one is hardwired for that. Except for maybe pathological liars, but that’s a mental illness.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): I don’t think we’re hardwired for the kind of monogamy the question implies. There are too many places to look for answers — seahorses? Mormons? — but jokes are useful places:

Q: What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
A: A U-Haul.

Q: What does a gay guy bring on a second date?
A: Second date?

The Softer (and Harder) Sides of Disney’s Heroes, by David Kawena

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david_kawena_aladdin Aladdin from the “Disney Hereos” series by David Kawena

Wow. Have you seen these? Especially all you people out there who are into dudes? They’re David Kawena’s digital art series “Disney’s Heroes” — the once-G-rated male leads of the Magic Kingdom re-imagined with a lot fewer clothes. So naughty, yet still kinda sweet. He’s done recent live action heroes like Zac Efron in High School Musical and Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean, but the best are his realistic renderings of Disney’s 2D animated characters like Aladdin and Hercules. (Become a free member of DeviantArt.com to see his full official gallery with all the naughty princes and their peens, or just Google him to see the blogs who’ve swiped most the pics.)

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Dream Interpretation: Am I Becoming a Cougar?

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photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’m a 40-year-old woman who has become friends with a 20-year-old co-worker. He is like a younger cousin or family member to me, we get along great and have a lot in common. But lately I have started having dreams about him that have me kind of freaked out! We are usually out with a group of friends somewhere (a club, a restaurant) and having friendly discussions with everyone, when he will suddenly grab me and start kissing me! Then things progress from there and we are in some kind of room having sex — and not just “regular” sex, either…wild and crazy sex. He’s also very commanding and decisive about what he wants to do, which isn’t anything like his real personality. I have been so embarrassed now whenever I see him as this is all I can think about! What is going on in my mind? (more…)

Blog Snog: From Bad Sex to Banned Sex

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no_oral_sex_sign_421

Okay, it’s one thing when a desperate-for-attention college woman dresses as a slutty cat for Halloween (as opposed to all those cats who are saving themselves for marriage) — but when your 12-year-old neighbor is doing it? So wrong.
A reported article on YourTango (yay for blogs that do their own reporting!) discusses how the recession is affecting the way we find — and show — love.
GoodVibes reports on how the sex police are on patrol in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. Apparently the thought of locally available sex education is rousing “concerned citizens” everywhere.
What happens when you reconnect with your long-lost high school sweetheart and the sex just makes you feel used?
Listen up, men: TheFrisky lists the top 5 reasons women think you’re bad in bed. (And no, it has nothing to do with penis size.)
Lemondrop reviews condoms so you don’t have to.
Tom Miller checks out the 4 iPhone apps that might save your relationship (or at least entertain you next time you’re stuck in the checkout line).

Let’s End Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell…Finally

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gay_military_jon_stewart Great Daily Show bit on repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

So what’s the hold up with repealing the unfair Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy? Why are qualified people still being fired from the military for being openly gay? Perhaps we the people haven’t been loud and proud enough about supporting equal rights for everyone. Fortunately, NY’s junior senator Kirsten Gillibrand has made this one of her big issues and she’s just given us an easy way to help end Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. According to her website, she “has secured an agreement from Senator Carl Levin, Chairman of the Armed Services Committee, to hold the first Senate hearing on repealing DADT this Fall.” So in order to prepare for the hearing, Gillibrand is launching a nationwide petition — take a second and sign it now!

Read the full post on SUNfiltered

Dear Em & Lo: He’s Mr. Perfect. Except for the Sex

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couple_bench_421 photo by jeroen_bennink

Dear Em & Lo,

This may sound pathetic, but the guy I am dating is perfect for me, I love him and want him as my husband, but I don’t really enjoy our sex life. It’s two and a half years in and I don’t think it’s going to get much better. I know what I could have in that department and even where to get it, it’s just not with my BF. Is the only way forward to get out and wait for everything to be perfect? My mom, of course, wants me to get married, but I am only 27 and don’t want to spend the next 20 years thinking about being unfaithful, which has happened once already. Please, which way is up?

— Can’t Get No Satisfaction

Dear C.G.N.S.,

Hmm…looks like we disagree on our definitions of “perfect.” Where we come from, “perfect” means someone who complements you emotionally, spiritually, physically — the whole soulmate package, ya know? It sounds like your guy would make a perfect platonic soulmate…but it doesn’t sound like that’s going to satisfy you. (more…)

Comment of the Week: Beware the Man Who Says “I Love Women”

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statue_woman_pedestal photo via mijori

“Men love women, and if some men think they need to whistle at women, they just go and do it.”

When I read “men love women” in this sort of context, I get the heebie-jeebies because it’s not “men love women because women are people and men are people and so like is attracted to like” that is being said here. What is being said is, “Men like women like men like cars — they’re really cool toys to play with.” /shudder/ And the second part? That is perhaps the best example of privilege I’ve ever read — if they want to, they just do because they can and it’s just a girl after all, what’s she gonna do?

All around creepy. And, actually, that it isn’t about the women but about men showing off for other men actually almost makes it worse — that I and the rest of this half of humanity feel like we’re running a gauntlet of abuse just to walk down a street, not because we have the audacity to be attractive, but because one guy wants to metaphorically wave his penis at another…yeah, that makes it worse.

— Christina, commenting on “Wise Guys: Why Do Men Cat Call?”

Can You Keep an Ex from Posting Your Nudie Pics?

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photo via flickr

Our friend Robin Epstein and her sister Amy Epstein Feldman just wrote a hilarious (not to mention helpful) book called So Sue Me, Jackass! Avoiding Legal Pitfalls That Can Come Back to Bite You at Work, at Home, and at Play. Over the past two weeks, we’ve published excerpts answering the questions “Can you get sued if you break someone’s penis during sex?” and “If you get married while drunk, does it count?” This week we’ll learn about how to keep an ex spouse from airing your dirty laundry (or airing pictures of you in your dirty laundry). Stay tuned for more excerpts in the coming weeks.

Q: Holy cow! This woman’s ex-husband posted the sickest pictures of her on Exwifepicture.com [Warning: Don’t attempt to look up this site, it’s got virus/spyware written all over it!]. Though I don’t know this woman personally (although now I sort of feel like I do), I can’t imagine she’s happy her cooter is flapping across the Net for all to see. Is there any way to stop an ex from spreading your nasty bits across the Web after spreading ’em for his camera? (more…)

Sqweel: LoveHoney’s New Oral Sex Simulator Delivers

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sqweel_sex_toy Buy the Sqweel at LoveHoney.co.uk

We’re often asked “If you could invent your own sex toy, what would it do?” And usually we can only think of a wise-ass answer like, “Cuddle, make dinner, and call me when it says it will.” But fortunately for everyone with a clitoris in their life, some people out there are a little more creative. Which is how the Sqweel, the brand spankin’ new oral sex stimulator by U.K.’s LoveHoney, came into being: its inventor won their Design a Sex Toy competition.

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Naked News: The Devil in Marge Simpson

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playboy_marge_simpson_short

Two days left till Marge Simpson’s Playboy centerfold hits newsstands. Now we’re justing waiting for Stewie’s cover story in “The Advocate.”
Support for civil unions up to 57%; support for same-sex marriage still only at 39%. But would a rose really smell as sweet if we gave it another name?
It’s sad enough that there’s a demand for something like The Artificial Virginity Hymen Kit in this world. Sadder still that Egypt lawmakers actively are trying to ban it.

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Wise Guys: Do Men Fake Orgasms?

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movie_clapboard Director’s clapboard via Amazon.com

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer, quite diversely, the following: Do guys fake orgasms?

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Of course! We probably don’t faux the Big O as much as women do, but every now and then the circumstances might call for us to fake. If our endurance is flagging and she’s begging us to finish, of course we might pull a Sally Albright so we can just go to sleep. Obviously it’s a bit more difficult for us to fake a finish considering the visual evidence that comes with our climax, but if the lights are off (or we’re experienced street performers in sleight of hand) we might try and pull a fast one on you if we have to. It’s not you, it’s us. Unless it happens more than once — in which case you should check out the “Books by Us” section of this site.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): I haven’t heard many guys talk about faking an orgasm (I can’t think of a single one, actually). Guys do sometimes talk about trying desperately to delay an orgasm with a new girlfriend or someone who really turns them on, but not so much with the faking. I have personally only faked once; it was after a girl I was dating and I had already had sex once, and I think she thought she was doing me a favor by initiating a second round. After we’d been going at it for a while, she told me not to wait for her, as she could only have one orgasm per night and had already had one. After some time, being no closer to getting off, I performed my one and only fake orgasm. I was young then, and didn’t realize it would have been just fine to tell her that, like her, another one for me just wasn’t happening. (more…)

Your Call: Do We Need Male Reproductive Rights?

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photo via flickr

the seahorse is the only male animal that gets knocked up

Dear Em & Lo,

The way I see it, there is simply no such concept as male reproductive rights. If your girl gets pregnant and wants to keep the baby, congratulations, you’re a dad! Pay up, sucker. If you want to keep it but she wants to abort it, tough luck — there goes your progeny. The only thing a dude can do is rubber up and screen for sexual partners with similar values.

We get it, the baby’s growing in the woman’s body, and ownership is 9/10ths of the law. But come on, now. There’s got to be some kind of reasonable compromise. I don’t have an easy answer to this, and I doubt anyone else will either. Men will continue to get a raw deal here. But could you open the topic to discussion?

— Cat Amongst the Pigeons

Consider it done! What do you think, do we need male reproductive rights? And if so, what would they be? Let the debate begin (no throwing things, please) in the comments section below.

Dream Interpretation: I Have the 3way My Boyf Wants

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stop_threeway photo by hyku

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Last night I had a dream about my current boyfriend of 6 months. He is 5 years older than me and equally more “experienced” than me, but we have an amazing sex life anyway. So here’s the dream: He and I are having a threesome (which we’ve talked about, but I’m not sure I’m 100% comfortable with actually happening), and he decides he wants to put it in the other girl, but she keeps refusing. He puts it in anyway and starts playing with her, and she quits resisting and starts to really enjoy it. Well, the whole time he’s “doing” her he’s looking right at me (as if he’s teasing me), but neither of them are pleasing me or anything. While he’s looking at me (and still pleasing her), I put my hand over his face and turn his head away and say, “Don’t look at me.” After that I woke up in a cold sweat. (more…)

The First Amendment and Betty Dodson’s Genital Art

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gential_art photo via erix!

We admit, genital art isn’t really our thing. We’ve seen our share at downtown art shows (and, ahem, on our own TV show in the U.K.), and, while we’re glad that people are out there creating work like this, we don’t have any hanging on our walls. That said, we totally, absolutely, 100% understand how important genital art is in helping both women and men understand what sex organs really look like outside of the porn world. As porn increasingly becomes a source of sex education, and as women feel pressured to dye, bleach, and pluck their way to the perfect look — or even, god forbid, go under the knife to get it via labiaplasty — images of real, live, average vulvas become more important than ever. Which is why we’re disappointed on behalf of average vulva-owners everywhere — in particular those vulva-owners who think their own vulvas are sub-par — that Betty Dodson has been forced to remove her Genital Art Gallery from her website due to a revised regulation stipulating that all genital imagery be subject to the same rules as the entertainment industry.

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Happy Federal Holiday – See You Here Tomorrow!

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In honor of Columbus Day, we’re taking the day off and reading Eduardo Galeano’s “Memory of Fire.” Tune in tomorrow for new horoscopes, a dream interpretation and other fun stuff.

Blog Snog: Sexy Sacred Hand Gestures, Nicknames for Exes, & David Letterman Defenses

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okay_sign_hand photo by sylvar

A weekly roundup of some of our favorite sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites:

GoodVibes explains how to use the ceremonial hand gestures of Buddhism and Hinduism as masturbation techniques.
The Frisky’s 10 ways NOT to praise a vagina.
TresSugar highlight’s the Daily Show’s excellent push to repeal the bullshit “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.
Lemondrop lists some funny nicknames for ex-boyfriends (though we have to wonder, would we find this as funny if it was a dude-site listing nicknames for ex-girlfriends — probably not).
Tomfoolery lists 8 reasons why he sympathizes with David Letterman.
College Candy says being prepared ain’t just for boy scouts — it’s for booty calls, too.

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