Comment of the Week: Don't Go Chasing Orgasms

photo by The World According to Marty

Best snarky indictment ever [in the post “A Guide to Orgasm Etiquette”]: “He approaches handwork like weeding (‘Must. Dig Up. Orgasm!’)”

I used to be so obsessed with “giving” my partners orgasms. And while I’m pretty good at it (the upside of obsession) I also turned a lot of very promising sex into little more than chores. For both of us. Then, way too late, I was on one of those orgasm-killing medications for a little more than a year and… it mildly disappointed my partner that I never came but otherwise my sex life was at least as good as ever and maybe better.

At which point it finally penetrated all the bone in my head and I realized that if it was still great for me it was probably still great for others too. Whereupon I finally, for the first time in my life, stepped off the “she comes first” obsession.

It doesn’t mean “she comes first” isn’t still great advice, and for the reasons you mention. But “great advice” is often mistaken for “absolute rule that must never be broken or she’ll never want sex with you again.” And that turns sex into survival.

Another best point: “In fact continued attention may result in multiple orgasms for a few lucky bitches…excuse us, women.”

Yes! Yes! If men turn women’s orgasms into the holy grail then “multiple orgasms” become the fountain of youth. No, wait, “squirting” becomes the fountain of youth. But you know what I mean: it’s something extra special guys “know” every woman could and should do… but only if he deserves it. In reality I’ve noticed only around half the orgasmic women I know are ever able to have the endless crescendo orgasms Cosmo, Esquire, and porn insist all women should. And only maybe half the remainder have second ones. And expectations notwithstanding, most have been perfectly happy with the ones they have.

figleaf, responding to the post “A Guide to Orgasm Etiquette”