Comment of the Week: How We Compromised on Porn

There were so many great responses to the post “Your Call: My Husband and I Can’t Compromise on Porn” that it was hard to pick just one this week. We chose JenH’s comment because we love her creative suggestions for working around the porn issue. Keep the advice and stories coming!

I used to have issues with my husband looking at porn, and he had issues with wanting to look at it too much. It really came down to some seriously deeper issues with us, and I think that’s what’s going on in your case. You both need to examine why you are acting the way you are. Why are you disgusted by it? Why do you not trust his feelings for you? Is he at the point that he’d rather look at porn than have sex with you? Why?

I tried the same ultimatum you issued, and it’s not as simple as that. You need to examine and see if there’s anything you can be doing to help your sex life. For us, we got counseling for our emotional issues, talked those through, and then dealt with the actual reason why porn was attractive to him.

In the end, it came down to a lack of adventurousness and putting too much pressure on ourselves to perform (leading to lack of climax for both of us), and not even enjoying sex when we had it. After some naughty sexy picture exchanges via e-mail between us while my hubby was on a business trip, it opened a new world to me. My husband did want ME. But he didn’t want me to be shy, or unsure of my abilities to turn him on. He was missing a sense of confidence from me.

He started buying me sexy lingerie and we started using it. A lot. I learned to slow down and not get so frustrated if things didn’t go perfectly, and he realized that he didn’t have to perform all the time either. We both chilled out and learned to focus on the sensation rather than trying to make the other person happy. Now he’s a very happy “wife-porn”-watching hubby and our sex life is waaaaaaaay better than it has ever been because we’re more relaxed and I’m more confident in my sexuality. And he doesn’t feel the need to look at porn anymore.

We have very busy lives too (parents of a medically-challenged two year old) and are constantly traveling/working/etc., but we make our love and sex life a priority. It is a vital part of marriage. You have to nurture it, but you have to have fun with it too!

Oh… and you know what? We went from sex 1x a month, to at least 2x a week, and now let’s just say I’m a very happy woman, and he’s a very happy man… every single time.

— JenH, commenting on the post “Your Call: My Husband and I Can’t Compromise on Porn”