Comment of the Week: The Real Reason They Never Call

photo via Flickr

An interesting exchange about the call that never comes occurred in the comments section of the post “Wise Guys: Why Didn’t He Call When He Said He Would?” Johnny, we’ll take your kinder, gentler pickup techniques over more aggressive, mean-spirited “attack” approaches any day:

Phonecall Says: The problem is not them NOT calling, the problem is them saying they will call and NOT calling. Pretty simple. I hate when men do this, and they do this far too often. Fuck them. They have no respect and no balls.

Johnny Says: Years ago I had a brief and successful foray into the study of pickup. During that time I cracked the phone number code, and learned something that has vexed men since the telephone was invented: women will actually reject you by giving you a phone number.

I learned that any woman who talks to you for five minutes will give you her number. I also learned that this is no indication at all of her desire to meet with you. Just because she gave you her number, doesn’t mean she’ll ever pick up when you call, or return your calls, or accept an invitation. Yep. Women will give you their numbers just to get rid of you. They’ll almost never come out and say, “thanks but no thanks.” Confusing, huh?

By the time a guy has been through this, oh, thirty times, he starts doing the same thing as Phonecall: making negative, genital-based generalizations about the nature of feminity. What the fuck is with women? Have they no integrity, no honesty, no respect for the time or feelings of a genuine guy?

I, for one, was sick of thinking that way. I wanted to be one of the guys who had it easy with women. I attacked the problem empirically and analytically.

The first thing I did was learn the pattern. A phone number does not equal an indicator of interest. You should therefore look for signs of interest elsewhere. It’s in her body language, in her physical proximity, in the way she looks at you, in her voice. Bam. Success. Once I learned how to read when a woman was REALLY attracted, this problem cleared right up. I rarely got rejected anymore because I only spent energy on women who liked me back. No more phone flakes.

The second thing that happened was, I developed empathy for the female experience. Most women out there have dealt with major clingers. I’d even say that most women have dealt with a psycho or two – the kind of guy who becomes scary or insulting when rejected or otherwise butthurt. There’s a reason women take the path of least resistance when rejecting men. It’s self-preservation.

So, to bring this all full circle, back to Phonecall’s comment… the reason women HATE getting blown off is because they invented that trick. They’re all too aware of EXACTLY why a guy hasn’t called. And it hurts, naturally! Easier to lob insults at him – ball-less lout! not a real man! – than to admit to oneself, “shit, he doesn’t desire me, and he’s taking the easy way out, exactly as I’ve done repeatedly.”