photo by Philippe Put

Of course you should compromise [about masturbation] with a reasonable partner — but you should never negotiate with a terrorist. A reasonable partner might say, “Please jerk off less because I’d like you to actually be horny when we’re together.” Or, “Please don’t cheat on me, because I don’t want syphilis.” A reasonable partner doesn’t say, “You can never jerk off, ever.”

I never compromise when presented with a unilateral demand or rule, such as, “Your balls belong to me and God, and both of us say you can’t jerk off.” If a woman tried telling me what I can and can’t do with my balls, I’d probably think it was funny at first.

— Johnny, responding to the post “Wise Guys: Why Do Men Deny Masturbating?” (as well as to commenter Carmen within that post who says he lies to wife about masturbation because she believes it’s wrong for religious reasons)