Our contributor, a woman who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make.

My boyfriend’s butt is beautiful. It’s pretty. It’s plump. It fits in the palm of my hand. I can’t keep my hands off it, and simply touching it turns me on. I’ve spanked it, kissed it, rubbed it, grabbed it, bit it — and now I want to stick something in it.  A strap-on dildo to be exact. I want to bend that boy over, face down, bum up, and do him in the most dirty of ways. I want to make his prostate gland giddy with anal afternoon delight.

So last November I said to him, “I want to do you in the butt with a strap-on. I think it’s only fair.” He’s not only put his peen in my vajayjay, he’s poked me in the tush too.

“Um, no.”  He laughed nervously and changed the subject. Needless to say, this no-bullshit approach did not work.

Unwavering in my attempt to stick my strap-on dildo where the sun don’t shine, I approached him again in December with a more sensitive strategy:  “Just because I want to pack your fudge and you let me doesn’t mean you are a fudge packer, baby.”  I thought assuring him I wouldn’t think he was gay, but rather a try-anything-sexual would work for sure. Sadly, this simply wasn’t the case.

“I know,” he replied, “I just don’t want a dick in my butt.  It’s not going to feel good.”

With this important information, I devised a more detailed put-it-in-the-pooper plan.  In January, sounding oh so scientific (and as cute as can be), I spouted off some knowledge gleaned from this very site:

“The prostate gland is similar in size and shape to a walnut. It is located at the base of the bladder and surrounds the ejaculatory ducts and urethra. It is essentially the equivalent of the female G-spot, hence it’s called the P-spot.  When stimulated during anal sex, it can produce orgasms. The P-spot is your best friend and you’re ignoring him. That’s not very nice, now is it?  From what I hear he is very fun to hang out with.  Perhaps you should make a play date.”

Silence…more silence…then finally, what my pretty little ears have always wanted to hear.  “Maybe…”

After a month of many talks about how to travel the brown brick road, we agreed that purchasing a vibrating anal plug would be the best way to get things started. February arrived and with it a text message from my boyfriend that read, “I’m really excited for you to do me in the butt. Wanna buy a butt plug today?”  Hell yes I do.  Butt plug today, strap-on tomorrow!

Last week we went to Fascinations, a local sex shop, and purchased our very first 4-inch blue butt plug.  We rushed home, stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed.  He looked a bit uneasy.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked him. “I only want to do this if you’re comfortable with it.”

“It’s probably going to feel like a turd,” he laughed. Not the response I was hoping for, but he bent over, face down, bum up, just as I’d imagined, and after applying a little lube I eased that blue puppy in.

I started slow and soft, in and out, in and out, then applied a bit more pressure. After a few minutes I turned on the vibrator located inside the butt plug.  It was loud.  Very loud. The longer I sat there on my knees behind him, the more I felt like I should be wearing latex gloves and a lab coat; perhaps throw in a clipboard and stethoscope as well. Probing is the word that came to mind.  It felt far too formal for my liking, and I could tell by his silence and his face in the mirror behind our bed that he was not enjoying the ride.

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s try a different approach.” We sat for a few minutes and discussed what would feel good.  We agreed that foreplay first without the butt plug was a good idea.

Some plug-free fondling led to some plug-free fellatio. And when he was good and ready, I popped the plug back in. He liked this combination of front and back attention much better, as did I. But after a while my mouth and hands needed a break, so we resumed the prostate exploration in the spooning position. I inserted the butt plug half-way in and angled it up towards his belly button to start. “That feels really good. It’s vibrating my balls.”  Then I pushed the plug all the way in and started feeling around left to right.  “That doesn’t feel so good,” he said.  So I started making soft, slow circles inside.  He liked that a lot.

After about an hour our anal endeavor was over and the search for his prostate gland was called off.  He didn’t orgasm and he was strangely quiet as we lay there. It occurred to me that maybe I was asking too much. Maybe expecting amazing orgasms from just the push of a button was unrealistic. Maybe we should have thought of the plug as a side dish rather than the main course. Maybe P-spot stimulation just doesn’t work for some guys, just like some ladies hate having their G-spot touched…

Then he turned to me, smiling, and said, “Practice makes perfect, baby. I’m ready for round two.  What about you?”

Like I said, butt plug today, strap-on tomorrow.

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