How to Cultivate a Sexual Fantasy

If you don’t have a favorite sexual fantasy, then you haven’t spent enough time dirty–day dreaming. Inspiration surrounds you — you just have to seek it out.

The Claiming of Sleeping BeuatyBrowse a sex toy shop, in person or online, for some new gadgets, accessories, videos, or books. Kinky erotica like Anne Rice’s The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty or anthologies like Best Bondage Erotica, Best Women’s Erotica, almost anything edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel, and Sweet Life: Erotic Fantasies for Couples can be read alone or together before bedtime (many come as e-books and audio collections). For free stuff online, try to navigate through Literotica.com. For a more how-to approach, try Violet Blue’s Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy.

Or buy a  game that’s designed to inject a little creativity into your play: it’s as easy as rolling the dice, selecting a stick or pulling a card from the deck, and following the instructions. (If you’re too shy to visit a sex toy shop, you might find these games in Spencer-esque party shops.) Even a simple game of strip poker with your own deck of cards can give you permission to be naughty. (I have to, it’s the rules!)

Adult videos might help stir things up in the sexual fantasy department, too, whether as a source of fantasies and tricky new moves, or as a naughty activity in and of itself. There’s a vast sea of porn out there, much of it cliched, tacky, or downright disgusting. (Though, who knows, that may turn out to be just your thing!) But if you’re looking for something a little more female- or couple-friendly with higher production costs, fewer fake boobs, maybe even a little plot, try browsing the video sections of female-owned and operated sex shop retailers for suggestions.

And seek out female producers and directors. There’s Maria Beatty, Candida Royalle, Tina Tyler, Tristan Taormino, Audacia Ray, Stella Films, Veronica Hart and Erika Lust, to name a few. The by-women-for-women porn field is expanding by the year. You might also find porn classics like The Opening of Misty Beethoven easier to stomach. Hey, it’s not cheesy, it’s retro chic! (Plus back then, balloon boobs and the scorched earth approach to pubic hair had yet to sweep the porn world.)

Kama Sutra movieFor popcorn-friendly activities that are a little less hardcore, stream kinky “mainstream” films like Secretary, Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love, Crimes of Passion, Wild Orchid, Sex, Lies & Videotape, 9 1/2 Weeks, The Pillow Book, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Basic Instinct, Bound, Eyes Wide Shut, Body Heat, Henry and June, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, 9 Songs, Betty Blue, The Lover, Shortbus, Crash (1996), The Dreamers… Whatever you stream, keep one hand on the remote to speed through anything that threatens to ruin your mood.

SunstoneAnd finally, if real people getting fucked (or pretending to get fucked) on film just isn’t your thing, you might prefer erotic graphic novels to inspire a sexual fantasy or two — no live humans are harmed or humiliated in the making of their truly naughty illustrations!


Want to take it a step further?
How to Make Your Sexual Fantasies Come True!

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